Mythical Sleeping Babies

Mythical Sleeping Babies - its all about personality.


My darling husband and I both giggled the first time we heard the term "mythical sleeping babies" as we have been blessed to have two of them. I wish I could share our secrets to this success, but I can honestly say it isn't all about us. Sure there are things we do that have encouraged sleep, and I will share those below. But more importantly it is about their sleep personalities.

Both our boys appear to have their father's sleep personality. They wake up when day breaks. They nap when they get tired. They go to sleep when it gets dark. Rob is 46 and largely still follows this pattern. When he is at home all day (weekends, vacations etc) he will often have a nap in the middle of the day. Most often all Rob has to do is lift his feet off the floor, stretch out on the sofa, close his eyes and yes, he is sound asleep. I rather envy this ability to sleep any time and any place. I on the other hand take a long time to fall asleep, so naps don't happen unless I'm very ill. I will naturally stay up late and then sleep late. I take forever to actually wake up mentally too. My family never speak to me in the morning until I've been awake for at least an hour.

One thing Rob and I share though is that we like our own space when we sleep. We are not one of those couples who can fall asleep snuggled up to each other. When its time to go to sleep we both turn away from the other person and curl up on our own sides of the bed. It turns out that unsurprisingly both our boys are the same way. There was a large part of me that wanted to have snuggly babies. I like the idea of my baby sleeping next to me during the night so I don't have to get out of bed for middle of the night feeds. I also like the idea of night feeding as a benefit to both the baby and me. When Seth was born I tried having him in bed with me. Even as a newly born baby he didn't like the idea as much as I did. Sure he would fall asleep as I nursed him, but to stay asleep for more than 10 minutes he had to be put down, in his own space. I can tell you that having a newborn wake up after only 10 minutes of sleep makes for one very overtired baby (not to mention exhausted parents.) As much as I like the idea, so far with the children we have, co-sleeping has not worked for us.


What I have learned so far that the issue of sleep is different for each of us, both as babies and adults. Like so many of the "rules" of parenting it is never going to be a one size fits all. We are too unique for that. Instead the best success for us has come from parenting each child as best fits their personalities as well as ours. Sleep really is no different.

So what has worked for us:

1. The most important one by far for us has been to not allow them to get overtired. When it does happen it is always a recipe for disaster. My sons don't sleep well when they get this way. They will often wake up after only 20-30 minutes of sleep if they have gotten overtired before going to sleep. The saying "sleep begets sleep" is definitely true in our home.

2. Giving them their own space to sleep in. Just like us, our boys want and need their own space to have a good sleep. While other babies may prefer to sleep snuggled up to mama, in our experience it has been the opposite. I still dream of having a baby who wants me so much that they love to sleep on me, but so far the ones I have prefer some space, and like having their own crib.

3. Being home for most of their time. Just like their mama, these boys are home bodies. They like to be in familiar surroundings to sleep well. They just don't sleep as soundly or for as long when we are anywhere else. They like their own bed for sleep. This is also very true for naps, especially given that they won't nap on me past 8 weeks of age.

4. Routine. They both respond best to a steady routine. While we don't have set times for anything for the most part, we do have a reasonably predictable routine. It starts when the first one wakes up and goes from there. The only day our routine changes is Sunday, when we have church, and they have to change out some of the routine around the time of the church service.

I know many mamas of young children around the same ages as mine. I know from talking with these women that there are as many variations as there are children. Some have children that all have different sleep personalities, and that is probably the most challenging aspect of both parenting and sleep. Some have babies that will catnap all day long, just as long as they are touching their mama. Some have babies that don't nap at all even at 6 months old. Some have babies that awake every hour or two throughout the night. Some babies love to snuggle and nurse to sleep. Some like being rocked or swayed. Some like to just be put down and left alone. The other thing I have learned is that some need more sleep and some need less.

The most important lesson I have learned about sleep from my boys is to do what works for them rather than what I thought I would do before they were born.

I have a feeling this is going to be a lesson I learn over and over again throughout this parenting adventure.

This post is linked up with

A Wise Woman Builds Her Home

I've joined in with a link up over at A Wise Woman Builds Her Home



Why not drop by and link up too, or find some encouragement from a new blog or two.

The Heart of the Home

In my life I have so many identities and roles. I'm a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend. Each of these have a wonderful and welcome place in my life. Yet above all of these I am also the heartbeat of my home. I set the atmosphere within the walls of our family sanctuary. I decide if this is a place of welcome or a place to be avoided. I am responsible for the pace of life day by day.

Realtors/Estate Agents know that to sell a home to a family they have to market to the wife/mother. They will tell you that the single most important room for this is the kitchen. The woman has to see herself comfortable in the kitchen. Once that is done the house will sell itself. Why is this? It is because deep down as women we know that we are the heartbeat of our homes and we like to beat in the heart of the home, the kitchen.

I know for me, in all the different homes I've lived in over the years, I have always gravitated towards the kitchen. I love being in the kitchen and being busy. I love to bake and cook. I love to organize and plan from the kitchen. It is where I am usually to be found if the children are sleeping. I love the rest of my home too. But I always come back to the warmth and vitality of the kitchen.

At present we have a small table in our kitchen that I use as an extra work surface. It has become my baking station. I have a baker's rack against the wall near this table that holds most of my baking supplies, so it is a natural place to mix together something wonderful. It is also the only real heat proof surface in the kitchen, so it is also the place where hot tins fresh from the oven are placed before the contents are removed. Already this morning I have completed 3 loaves of bread and a batch of cookies. A loaf of banana bread is currently in the oven. This afternoon I plan on making some apple turnovers to use up the last of our organic apples before they get too old. I can't think of a nicer smell than fresh baked food.

My love of the kitchen extends to my collecting instincts. I love to collect small kitchen gadgets. I love to find those wonderful little curiosities that make the life of a cook or baker so much easier. From the measuring spoons that go down to a pinch and a dash, to the scone cutter and flower petal maker. For Christmas my wonderful husband even surprised me with a few new ones in my stocking, including a chocolate mold and a new cookie cutter.

I remember with great fondness the wonderful aromas of my childhood home. We did not have shop bought cookies/biscuits in our home very often. Instead we always had fresh baked cake available. In the winter there was usually a very large pot of home made soup on the stove. My brother and I were the most popular children in our respective classes at school when we turned up with cake. Mum would give us two slices of cake instead of candy or chips/crisps for the morning break time. We would half one slice and swap it for a candy bar or a bag of chips/crisps. Mum thought she was helping us to healthier having home baked treats. We on the other hand had a captive market amongst children who never had home baked in their homes. The other children craved the cake we had, not just because it tasted good (and it tasted so wonderful we always kept a slice for ourselves) but because of the love that went into making it.

Knowing that I am the heartbeat of my home I want my children to have the kinds of lasting memories I had growing up. While they may not have the daily or even weekly visits with extended family, they can have the wonderful treats that feed their souls as well as their bellies. I can fill our home with the sweet smell of food prepared in love, or I can fill it with the foul aroma of convenience that says there are more important things than them. I can be the agent of peace and love that makes our home a welcoming place to all who enter, or I can busy around keeping it so perfect that nobody feel comfortable to spend time here. I can embrace my role as the heartbeat of my home, or I can let my home fall into ruin.

I love that I get to choose my response to my role in our family. I only have myself to blame if I get it wrong. I am glad to choose to stay at home every day, and make our home a wonderful to stay in. The memories my children take with them from here can be wonderful, filled with the sweet aroma of foods prepared by loving hands, only if my hands are filled with love while they work.

A wise woman once told me that no matter what happens in life my reaction is my choice. Now that I get to stay home every day this is still true. I could choose to be discontent and want to be out somewhere, anywhere on any given day. I could disregard the needs of my children and be busy out and about doing things outside the home with them. I could even choose to find employment and put them in daycare so we could have more things or travel to more places. Instead I choose to stay home. I choose to plan around nap times, diaper/nappy changes, snack and meal needs, nursing, cleaning, cooking, baking, and occasionally writing. This is being a heartbeat, a steady constant rhythm that keeps our lives moving along, slowly, carefully and at peace.

A New Church Home

Last October/November we moved into our current home. It is a very well laid out townhouse that will give us plenty of space for our family no matter how large the Lord decides to make it. The size however was not our biggest reason for moving. This house is less than a ten minute drive from Rob's place of work. It frees up an extra hour a day on work days for Rob to spend with the boys. This is proving to be a huge blessing for us.

This move had only one down side. It made attending our Church very difficult. The journey on a Sunday morning was now forty five minutes each way. Rob was still teaching Sunday School, so we would have to leave about 9am and would not get home until nearly 1:30pm. This may not be a big deal for some, but for our boys it was. Seth was only two months old, and still sleeping most of the time. He did not take to having to sleep on the go. (Even now at six months old he likes to be in his own bed to sleep.) Even Aiden was beginning to have a difficult time with going all morning and into the afternoon without a nap. So Rob decided to give up teaching Sunday School and we would try just attending one of the two morning services.

Then we went to the Christmas Eve service with the boys. We thought we might have issues because they are not usually out in the evenings. My boys like to go to bed when it starts to get dark (like their daddy) and the service didn't start until 5pm. We did end up leaving before the service was over. We tried everything we could to keep Seth calm, but even after changing his diaper/nappy and nursing him he was still unhappy and let us know all about it. He was tired and he wanted to go to sleep in his own bed, not in my arms. So we got the boys into the car and drove home. By the time we got home forty five minutes later Seth was so beyond over tired that he would not be consoled and he would not go to sleep. Rob was left to see to Aiden, unpack the car and start getting ready for Christmas morning on his own while I tried everything we could think of to try and calm Seth enough to fall asleep.

I spent over two hours rocking, walking, swaying, singing, swaddling, nursing, and everything else that might even bring just a moment of calm. Finally he passed out from sheer exhaustion. As I joined Rob back downstairs to finish preparing for the morning we talked, and talked, and talked about what had just happened. The only conclusion we came to was that we could never put Seth through that again and changed our plans about attending Christmas morning services. We decided I would stay home with Seth on Sunday mornings until he was old enough to deal with going to Church again.

Over the next couple of weeks Rob struggled through taking Aiden to Church by himself. Aiden missed having his Mama around. He missed his "Bubba" too. So we tried having Rob go to Church on his own. After the first week of that Rob knew it wasn't right for him to go to Church without the rest of his family. We needed a better solution. We talked and prayed and talked and prayed together some more. We asked the Lord to show us where to go if He was moving us to a closer Church. That Saturday we drove by a sign across the street from our neighborhood. It was advertising church services in a school on a small strip mall. There was a website address included. So after we came home we wrote down the website to check out after the boys were asleep.

We continued to pray for another few weeks. This was a big decision and one we were not going to rush. Rob continued to go to Church alone. I continued to stay home with the boys and tried very hard to not feel isolated. Church had always been my one time of the week to speak to other people face to face, so staying home seven days a week was not easy. Rob was the only adult I had proper conversations with.

After a few weeks of listening to sermons on the website and continuing to seek the Lord we decided to email the Pastor and ask to meet with him to find out more about the Church. We met at our local doughnut shop on the Saturday morning, then visited the Church on the Sunday morning. We liked everything we found out and saw at Church. We went back a second time the following week before finally making the decision to transfer our membership to this new Church home that the Lord had led us to.

We are sad to leave behind so many wonderful friends in our old Church home, but we are still close enough to drop by for special events and to keep up the friendships out of Church. At the same time we are excited to be a part of this new family of believers. Our new Church is indeed a new Church. They have been meeting for just over a year, and are still small in number. We meet in the cafeteria of a private school. It is the most integrated Church I've encountered. The children are part of the main service. They worship together with their families. There is a room set aside for very small children to go and play if needed, but it is very much optional. The cultural diversity is about the same as the actual diversity of the surrounding area. I'm not the only one going through the immigrant experience of raising a family far away from my extended family, as there are several other immigrant families in Church too. The Pastor and his wife have been married about the same amount of time as we have, and with a very similar love story to us too. They also have a daughter who is only four days older than Aiden. The two children were actually born on each others due date. They are already firm friends too which is so nice to see.

We are excited to be a part of the work the Lord is doing in our new community. We are excited to see what the Lord can do through our new Church home and the new friendships that are developing there. I'm personally excited to be walking distance from Church, and to have new friends that live within walking distance too.

Have a great weekend, and may the Lord bless you as you meet together with other believers this coming Lord's Day.

Lemon Shortbread

I've only recently been able to get back to experimenting in the kitchen. First on my list was Lemon Shortbread. I first tasted this wonderful delight many years ago when visiting a dear friend who at the time was living in Cardiff. We were both just learning about organic whole foods and eagerly shared new finds with each other. And so I was introduced to Duchy Originals Sicilian All Butter Shortbread. It was and is for me the perfect treat.



Since moving to Florida it is a treat I've been without, and missed. So I finally decided it was time to make my own version of this light, sweet, tangy treat.

This is my own original lemon shortbread recipe. So far I have not found anyone who hasn't liked the taste of it.

1 cup butter
1 lemon (juice and grated rind)
1/2 cup sugar
2 cups flour
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
2 tablespoon of sugar to garnish

Beat the butter until light and creamy (this step makes everything else easier.)
Beat in the juice & rind of 1 lemon.
Beat in the sugar. (All this beating does make a very light crisp shortbread.)
Add everything else and mix thoroughly.
Form into marble size balls.
Place on a baking tray (cookie sheet) and flatten each ball to about 1/3 inch thick.
Bake in a moderate (350f/gas 4/180c) oven for about 15 minutes.
Sprinkle with sugar while still warm, and leave on the tray for a few minutes before transferring to a cooling rack.

Allow to cool and enjoy. These are very complimentary to a nice warm cup of Earl Grey tea.

This post and recipe are dedicated to that wonderful friend mentioned above. She knows who she is and I know she will enjoy trying this recipe for herself.

Mothering and Guilt

There is one thing that seems to be certain when we women become mothers, that we will feel guilty about the choices we make for our children.

False Guilt

At Bible College I remember one of my teachers saying that all guilt is false guilt. It comes from the enemy of our faith, trying to stop us from being more effective in our lives. And in the area of parenting there is no shortage of guilt to be found.

Passing the Baton

Tragically the most common form of mother guilt seems to come from other women. I’ve heard it often referred to as “The Mommy Wars.” It stems from women sharing often unwanted advice about how we should do exactly what they do or did as a mother. Then as we begin to feel under attack and the projection of that mommy guilt, we get defensive and start attacking back to make the other women feel the same way.

Guilt or Conviction

Sometimes it is good for us to feel uncomfortable about decision we make or actions we take. There are occasions when we learn something new and realize that we need to make a change. This is when it is easiest to feel guilt. Yet it is not guilt that motivates us to change. It is conviction about the mistake made that motivates change for the future. This is where the difference is made. Guilty feelings will immobilize us and make us defensive. Conviction will motivate us and help us to make the necessary change.

Living Guilt Free

I have tried to live a guilt free life for many years. Now that I am a mother it is even more important to me to refuse to carry the heavy burden that guilt becomes. I am by no means a perfect mother. I’ve been doing this mothering task for less than two years. I have so much still to learn, and my children are very good teachers. Still I live guilt free. Why? Because I refuse to accept that false feeling of guilt. Instead I focus on keeping an open heart and mind in learning new things. I welcome conviction when I make mistakes. If I get it wrong I want to be able to change it rather than defend it.

Real Example

When I first started introducing solid foods to Aiden at almost six months I had done some learning and decided to start with fruits and vegetables rather than cereals. However like most mothers in our culture I started by serving these foods as mush and on a spoon. I was only a few weeks into this process when I started to learn about what is called Baby Led Weaning. It was so different to anything I had experienced before. After a few more weeks I felt convicted that this new way (to me) was the right way for our family. I liked the idea of Aiden learning to chew before learning to swallow. So I stopped spoon feeding mush. I started giving him food in pieces that he could hold in his tiny little hands, and choose for himself how much he ate. It has worked very well for us, and I plan to go straight to real solid foods with Seth and any other future children when the time comes to introduce solid food.

Instead of feeling guilt and defending my decision to spoon feed mush, I kept an open mind and with the motivation of conviction I made some changes. Now this is just an example from my own mothering journey and is not shared to force anyone else to make that same change. I write to help remove the guilt not to add to it.

No More War

The best thing about leaving guilt behind as a mother is that it puts an end to the “Mommy War” mentality in my life. I don’t have to defend any of the decisions I make. I don’t have to justify myself or make another mother feel bad about the decisions she makes.

There are so many issues that seem to fuel the war mentality. This is so sad. We are just trying to do what we think is best for our children. None of us set out to bring harm to our children. We all love our children. More importantly what is right for me, my children and my family is not necessarily right for every other mother and her family. You are the only real expert on your family, just as I am on mine. You know what works best for you, even when it is the opposite of what works for me.

Leaving Guilt Behind

So I for one am leaving guilt behind, in the dust, as I walk forward in my mothering adventure. May I encourage you to do the same. Refuse to let guilt control you. Be the mother only you can be to your blessings, and let us together bring an end to the hostility of the “mommy wars.”

Have a blessed and guilt free day.

Dealing with reproductive health choices?

Today I got fed up with reading about how terrible it is that Susan G. Komen for the Cure had withdrawn funding from Planned Parenthood on my Facebook news feed. So I wrote a status update to counter it.

My gripe is not against Planned Parenthood on their own. They are under investigation for good reason. They support pimps who use under age and illegal immigrant girls. They encourage young girls to lie in order to carry out some of their abortion work. Yet this is only a tiny part of it. My gripe is a much bigger picture than just Planned Parenthood.

I have a gripe that extends to all those who push population control at the same time as encouraging sexual activity outside of marriage. It seems ironic to me that the same people who want to control population growth, also actively encourage the very behaviour that leads to growing the population. This is a problem to me, and why I have such a gripe about the subject.

I am no expert. I'm not medically trained. I'm a stay at home wife and mother. I am also a disciple of Jesus Christ. I believe in a literal creation that took only 6 days and happened only 6 or 7 thousand years ago. I say all of this to make clear my context as I share this post. I have no hidden agenda. I do however believe that the Creator who made us knew what He was doing, and knows best how our bodies work.

Reproductive choices is very personal. It is also a very emotional subject. Everywhere you turn it seems like every side (there isn't just 2 sides in this one) is on the defensive, trying to justify why they are the ones with the high ground.

The choice my husband and I have made is one that is not very popular right now, but it used to be the most common one. We simply do nothing other than enjoy our marriage and let the children come as they come. This has not always been an easy decision. The most difficult time for us, and when our convictions were tested the most, was just after the birth of our wonderful first son. Aiden was a home birth turned hospital transfer than ultimately resulted in a c-section. The first thing we were told about another child was that we should wait 2 years before getting pregnant again. We researched and found no evidence for this advice from the nurse who gave it. At my 6 week post-op appointment with the OB/GYN I asked about it. I was told that they prefer a longer gap for a c-section mother, but 6 months would be safe and as long as we were 3 months postpartum it shouldn't be life threatening. So were did the 2 year wait advice come from? I later found out they tell all their maternity patients to wait 2 years, not just the c-section ones. Rob and I had already discussed our options. We talked about doing something to prevent another pregnancy too quickly. We prayed about it too. We came back to the same decision as always. We trusted the Lord. We trusted Him to not open my womb before it was ready to be opened. We trusted Him to heal me from the surgery too. We trusted and we got a 6 month gap between pregnancies, but both pregnancies and birth stories are available in previous posts here on the blog.

The need for population control is a lie. This planet is not over populated. It can actually sustain a much greater population than most people realize. Sexual activity outside of marriage is not a given either. It is possible to choose abstinence. It is possible to only have one sexual partner for life and for that person to be your spouse and for you to be the only one for your spouse too. What about those who don't marry young? I've heard that one too many times and I am here to say even for those who don't marry young it IS a valid option. My husband and I both chose to wait until marriage, and have only been married to each other. We were not young when we got married. I was 35 and he was 41. We didn't meet for the first time until just 2 years before our wedding. We both made choices along the way on our journey towards each other that allowed us to be in this position. Everyone has that choice too.

I think what it basically comes down to for me is that I am tired of hearing about "the poor" and how they are always the ones who end up being victims. I don't want to be harsh, but what about taking some responsibility for your own choices for a change. If you choose to be sexually active outside of marriage don't expect others to pay for your mistakes. They are your choices, so live with them. You have chosen to take the immediate pleasure, but don't want the long term health implications. You chose to do things to your body to stop babies being born while still enjoying the pleasure of sex. Then live with the consequences.

Abortions, hormonal birth control and sterilizations all cause a dramatic increase in risk to reproductive cancers. Prostate cancer is much more common among men with vasectomies. Ovarian cancer is much higher amongst women with tubal ligations. The list could go on, but it does seem that the less children we have and the less we breastfeed the most cancers women are at risk for. Sexually transmitted diseases bring about even more health risks.

I have seen too many friends struggle because of the choices they have made earlier in life. Infertility is on the rise. Reproductive cancers are on the rise. Yet too few want to admit that abstinence is a valid choice before marriage.

I had to watch as a friend took a painful journey through infertility and trying to become a mother. She made some bad choices as a teenager. It did not take a lot of sexual activity to leave her infertile. All it took was giving in to the pressure of 1 boyfriend at the age of 15. She got a STD that scarred her fallopian tubes and left her with just one working ovary. Many ears later when she got married and tried to start a family she couldn't. They chose to seek treatment. Finally they tried IVF. The second time she even got pregnant. But the baby implanted in her fallopian tube and didn't survive. She eventually got to a point of accepting that she would never have biological children. It was all because she made a bad choice at 15. If you ask her if it was worth it I know she would tell you no. She would also tell you that she wishes someone would have told her about abstinence when she was a teenager, instead of assuming and encouraging sexual activity.

I've also watched others battle with infertility, mostly due to bad choices. Some are as simple as using hormonal birth control within marriage until they felt ready to start a family. Then when they felt ready the family never started. Years of artificial hormones have left their bodies confused and unable to conceive.

There are also too many I personally know that have chosen to make themselves infertile after only 2 children. Then within only a few years their marriages begin to fall apart, unable to stand due to the change in the partner that was sterilized. Sterilization does change people, not just physically but emotionally too.

I know I'm not going to change every mind that may read this article. I may even offend some. For me this is a pro-life issue, but it isn't as simple as being an anti-abortion issue. I do believe that life is life from the second of conception, and that all life is precious. I know many couples who would adopt those unwanted babies in a heart beat if they were not hand-tied by overly expensive legal costs. If they cannot afford fertility treatment then they are not going to be able to afford a $30,000 price tag for private adoption either. But the pro-life issue is bigger than just birth and babies. It is also about preventing people from dying needlessly because they didn't know their choices would dramatically increase their risk of a more deadly cancer.

This is not as simple as being pro-life or pro-choice. You cannot truly be either if you only have propaganda from either side to inform you. You can be both if you start looking for the truth that is out there to be found. I am pro-choice. I am pro choosing life by making truly informed decisions that leads to life for me, my family and every other person out there.