Summer fun.

I had no idea when I last blogged that I would end up taking the summer off writing. I haven't even used my handwritten personal journal for the last few months. It seems like I haven't had much to say.

We have all been well. Aiden is potty learning. It is probably the one thing I have least looked forward to. It is going slowly, but our wonderful first born is a boy who will not be rushed into anything. So we follow his lead and look forward to when it is finally over and he actually uses the potty consistently.

After 3 months of being stuck in reverse, Seth figured out how to crawl forwards about a month ago. He is loving his new found freedom and I often have to extract him from under the dinning table. We celebrated Seth's first birthday last Friday and had a party for him the following day.

We are excited to be starting a new adult bible study at church. Rob is the main teacher, with a little co-teaching from me by filling in some of the geeky details I love to revel in and share when I can. We are starting with a 6 month survey of the entire bible, timeline style. Then we will systematically work through the New Testament and later the Old Testament.

Now that "summer" is over and life settles back into the more regular routine I plan to be back blogging more regularly.

Meanwhile here are a few pictures from this summer to enjoy.

Fun at the beach

The warm end of the Atlantic Ocean/Gulf Stream

Our jolly, funny, almost 1 second born son

Aiden loves to build and destroy

Look at me, going forwards

Motherhood and Feminism

I'm taking a break from my staying home series. I will get back to it soon, but for today I wanted to ponder something else.

I recently got a copy of The Way Home by Mary Pride. While I have found it a great encouragement and confirmation that choosing to be a wife and mother is my calling at this stage of my life. I waited a long time to be blessed with this stage, living until the age of 35 as a single woman.

It also has got me thinking at the same time. It has focused much of my previously rambling thoughts about how much our lives and culture are shaped and influenced. Even amongst those who claim the name of Jesus Christ, and who give voice to seeking to live according to God's will there seems to be more of this world than of God influencing life choices.

Before I go further I will openly admit that I am NOT perfect. I haven't got it all figured it. Part of the reason I am writing this post is because I am working on this in my own mind and life right now. Most of my time and energy is poured into my children, as it should be with little ones, and this blog is my creative outlet that helps to keep me from being totally absorbed by the world of toddlers and babies. It is also the creative outlet that prevents me from talking the ears off my wonderful husband every night because I need to express to process.

The Way Home looks at how feminism has undermined biblical womanhood. It doesn't surprise me either. I can remember the conversation I had with the career advisor when I was a teenager. I was asked the question of what I wanted to do when I grew up. My answer did not compute. I said that I wanted to get married and have children. I was asked several times and I always gave the same answer. I was told each time that I must want to be something else, as just being a wife and a mother was such a waste of my talents and abilities. This was about the same time as Mary Pride's book was first published.

I didn't really understand what feminism was back then. All I knew was that what I really wanted to do with my life was to be a wife and a mother. I had always known that was what I wanted to do, what I was created to do. I guess that is part of the reason why I could never make up my mind what kind of career to have. Even after college once I entered the working world I could never settle down to one particular profession. So every few years I would try something new. Yet everything I did do helped to prepare me for the job I will have for the rest of my life. No matter what else happens I will be my husband's wife and my children's mother.

I feel so blessed to be in the position I am in. It was not so long ago that I was trying to accept that I may never be a mother to my own children. As I type this I have two incredible little boys asleep in their cribs for nap time.

Still I come back to how far even the Church has strayed from God's plan for families. Every time people find out that we want more children they act surprised. We already have two, isn't that enough. And this is from the very people we worship beside on Sunday mornings. When people find out that I stay home and we choose to live on a single income we are told that we are very lucky. We are not lucky at all, nor are we wealthy. We have chosen to live without many things that others think are necessities so we can live on a single income. We sacrifice the good so we can have the best, God's best.

God's Word says plainly that wives are to look after the home and bear children, yet even conservative Christian radio stations air programing that assumes wives are also working in full-time jobs outside the home. When couples are preparing for marriage it is not shocking to hear them be advised to wait a few years after marriage before starting a family. They "need" to get to know each other for a few years before they add children, or they "need" to save for a home, or establish their careers, or, or, or. Even in the face of biblical counsel that a newly married couple be freed from civic responsibility in their first year of marriage for the very purpose of starting a family together.

There are also those who say that we cannot teach that wives should stay home, because there are those families who cannot survive financially unless they have two incomes. Until less than a year ago on paper we could not afford for me to stay home, yet we have survived and even flourished on our single income. Living by faith will not always make sense on paper, but it will work in practice when our trust is on the Creator of the Universe.

I don't know what the solution is. I don't know that there is an easy solution to combat compromise. All I know is that God has made clear His will in His Word. We each have to choose day by day and moment by moment to either obey or disobey. I will admit there are moments when I long to rebel and do my own thing, but somehow I come back to the point of obedience in the long run.

I know that obedience is rarely politically correct these days. Our secular culture is so very far away from obedience to God's Word. I know even most Christians will wonder away by compromising with the secular world. Yet there is something so incredible waiting for us. When we wonder and stray God is still waiting with open arms to welcome us back to that path of obedience. He is ready to forgive us when we come before Him with repentance. He desires to show us the way that may be more difficult but that is also more blessed.

I willingly turn my back on the philosophies of feminism, and secular humanism. I don't think either have done me any real favors. How I respond to those who are my sisters in faith but who openly embrace these things I am still working through. Maybe one day people will once again cherish the role of wife and mother, as they did before feminism tainted our culture. Maybe one day this will not be a difficult and misunderstood road to walk along. Until then I will continue to whole heartedly embrace my role, and pray more will join in this blessed and joyful life.

Staying Home, Part 2 - How we live on a single income

In Part 1 I shared why we chose to live as a single income family. Now we will cover some of the practical realities of our choices.

Reduce & Reuse

We reduced in some areas and reused/re-purposed in others

Areas we reduced:

We sold one of our vehicles and became a one vehicle family. This saved us on insurance, maintenance, gas/petrol and time. The gas/petrol and time is saved because instead of my making a special trip for groceries during the day while Rob is at work he picks up groceries on the way home when he is driving by or close to the store anyway. With Rob doing grocery shopping alone we are able to stick to our list and he gets in and out quicker than when we have the children at the grocery store.

We cut down on packaging. We buy fewer prepackaged goods than we did at first and stick to produce etc that doesn’t come prepackaged. We also buy bulk quantities of some dried goods which also cuts down in packaging. This saves money and time. The packaging costs are built in to the cost of items so the less we have the less we are paying for. It also saves us time sorting through recycling too.

Eating out. This is a big saver for us. We both like to cook and we both like to eat good food. So when we want a fancy meal we make it ourselves. It is now rare for us to eat out unless we are on a trip somewhere, and even then we like to buy groceries and prepare food if we can. Even a visit to the dollar menu can quickly add up to more than the cost of a much healthier home cooked meal. If you don’t know how to cook invest in a couple of good books that will teach you step by step, or invest in a cooking class. It will save you money in the long term.

We moved closer to where Rob works. Reducing his commute by 30 minutes each way every day saves us a lot of money when fuel prices continue to rise, not to mention lower maintenance on our car as it builds less wear and tear. As an added bonus it gives Rob an hour extra every day to spend playing with his children instead of sitting in the car.

Areas we reuse/repurpose

Clothes never get thrown away in our home. If they are too worn to wear they go in the rag box. When I’m looking for fabric for a project I’ll check the rag box first. When I was pregnant with Seth I decided to make some newborn sized fitted diapers/nappies so we would not have to buy throw away diapers until he was big enough for our stash of prefolds. I used a large pile of old t-shirts to make some very cute diapers/nappies. The total cost of 24 fitted diapers in newborn size was less than $10. The only supplies I bought for this project was Velcro and elastic. I had everything else. I recently looked at the price of these items to buy premade and they ranged from $15-$25 each. Even though Seth was a big baby and quickly outgrew them I still saved the money for the 5-6 weeks of throw away diapers/nappies. We saved at least $50 even with just that little use.

We also are always looking for ways to repurpose/reuse in the kitchen. I buy dried goods in bulk and store in old jars that were once the packaging on something else. I have a row of flour and sugar jars that originally contained biscotti. In the pantry I have rice, pasta etc in old catering size mayonnaise jars. I wash out jam/jelly jars and reuse to store sauces in the freezer. If it can be cleaned out and is re-sealable then we will find a use for it. I even reuse old laundry detergent bottles to store my homemade detergent. Empty spray bottles of cleaning fluids are refilled with homemade versions to do the same job (those recipes/tips are a whole post in themselves.)

Plan a menu

Early on in my blogging life I shared an 8 week menu plan we were in the process of implementing. It has since had several revisions and we are currently looking at expanding it to 10 or 12 weeks, with only a few firm favourite meals repeated (who wants to wait 12 weeks for pizza or burgers.) Having a menu plan works for us. We like a lot of variety in our meals. We like to cook. What we don’t enjoy is having to think about what to cook. Now that we have small children it is even more important to take some of the thinking out of the process. I’m even working on a menu plan for breakfast, lunch and snacks for myself and the children. I like knowing what to take out of the freezer, what to put on the grocery list and what to do when my almost 2 year old has a hungry day and wants to eat every 30 minutes.

We’ve been using the menu plan for about 3 years. We know almost instinctively what to buy at the grocery store. I still keep a running list on the fridge that we use to do the actual grocery shopping. Rob will take it with him on the days he has to pick up groceries on the way home. Otherwise we shop for groceries once a month, which is generally how long it takes to have a list big enough to justify a special trip for groceries. This strategy has saved money in another way. We stay out of stores, so we reduce the temptation to impulse buy. When we don’t go to the store for only 2 or 3 items we are not tempted to buy another 10 items we don’t really need, costing us money we had not planned to spend (even if the item is on sale, it only saves money of we would have bought it regardless of the sale.)

Menu planning has also helped us to avoid the temptation to eat out or order take out food. On those days when I can’t get even 5 minutes in the kitchen without a meltdown from one of the children it isn’t a disaster. We both know what is ready to cook and either of us can have dinner on the table just by following our menu. I will say at this point we are not slaves to the plan. We will readily swap around meals within the same week, especially for a meltdown day. Having crockpot/slow cooker meals has also been a blessing on those days too.

I’ll have to do a post just on food, as this is a big area of spending for us, and also an area where we can really save when we need to. I’m sure it will be the same for you too.

Go Green

Some of the choices we have made that make us kinder to the environment are really areas where we save money, and being green is just a happy side effect.

When we were pregnant with our first born we had no spare money. I already knew I wanted to use cloth diapers/nappies. I knew it was kinder for the baby and their delicate skin. I also knew it did not have to cost a lot of money to get started. Rob was sold on it as I explained how we could build a stash of cloth diapers/nappies cheaply and just how much it would save us financially over 2 years. We used a gift card to buy our initial 5 dozen cotton prefolds, then we just paid for the waterproof covers and fasteners. Total outlay for us was only about $30. The actual cost if we had not had the gift card would have been about $90. We did end up using throw away diapers/nappies for  the first 6 weeks until Aiden was big enough for the prefolds. Again we used gift cards for most of that cost, but it was more than $80 for that 6 week period, almost as much as the cost for a complete cloth set up. We did add 4 pocket diapers/nappies later to use overnight, and then we bought more covers and 4 more pockets when Seth was born. The pockets cost about $20 each. Add in a few extra fasteners and for 2 boys we have spent less than $300 in cloth diapering supplies in the last 2 years. We also have enough supplies to last several more babies, as we currently only use about half of our supply since we wash 3 times a week. The more babies we have the more we will save in this area.

Homemade detergents and cleaners are another money saver that has the added benefit of being green, but since I’ve already promised another post on this topic I won’t go into details here.

We have a small car, a Nissan Versa. It fits the same number of people as most of the larger vehicles we see on the road. However it not only cost us less to buy it, it costs less to operate too. It is more fuel efficient than the larger vehicles. With the right kind of car seats we should be able to fit 3 children in the back, which is exactly the same as those fuel guzzling SUVs we see on most of our neighbours drives.

So this has turned into a much longer post than I originally intended. I’ll continue with posts on food and cleaners, and a few other things we do to make that single income count.

Staying Home, Part 1 - Why?

While Rob and I were preparing to get married we had several conversations about me working after we got married. We agreed that I would in fact stay home, even before we were blessed with children.

Yet during the first year of our marriage I did work outside the home. I worked part-time. I did not at that time work at home (our marital home) at all. Truth be told during the first year of our marriage I never stepped foot inside our home. Rob lived there, in Florida, and I continued to live with my parents, in Scotland. We were going through the immigration process and it took a full year to get my visa that would allow me to move in and live with my husband. While we were waiting I continued to work.

When I immigrated to the USA and finally got to live with my precious husband I no longer worked in paid employment outside our home. This was not always an easy a choice. Less than a month after I arrived Stateside my husband had his hours cut at work. Living on a single income became a very tight squeeze. We again visited the idea of me finding paid employment. Again we made the decision that I should stay at home.

Why was this important to us, especially when we were not yet parents? There were a few reasons for us. I'll start with the least important and then go on to the more important reasons.

Firstly Rob was given some advice from one of the friends who led him to the Lord. This friend shared from the wisdom of being married for nearly 20 years, and living on a single income while growing and raising a family with his wife. He told Rob that if we were planning on having children and for me to stay home with them it would be wiser for me to stay home from the start. That way we would not get used to having a second income, even if we chose to save all of that second income. This was one of the best pieces of advice we received when we got married. It was not always easy to live on one income, so how much harder who that have been if we had to make a bigger adjustment from 2 incomes.

The second reason for us was that we did indeed want to have children. We were older when we got married and knew that we could not take fertility for granted. We had both seen friends and family struggle with fertility issues. The reasons for this struggle were many, but one that seemed to be shared by all those we knew was that the wife not only worked outside the home, but she also had a lot of stress from both the job and trying to juggle keeping the home and other outside commitments too. We wanted to given ourselves the best possible opportunities to be able to have children, so adding a stressful outside job did not make sense, even in the midst of a very tight budget. It was also much easier for both of us to stay healthy when I am home cooking everything from scratch instead of eating mass produced convenience foods or resorting to eating out (which also makes it more difficult to stick to a budget.)

More important than either of these good reasons, was the most important reason of all. We understood that God's will was for me to stay at home. When we searched the Scriptures we could find no evidence that the Lord desires women to work outside the home. In fact we found very much the opposite. Women who were busy outside of the home were always portrayed as wicked women, rebellious and discontent. In the New Testament women are clearly instructed to be "keepers at home." Even widows of child bearing age were instructed to remarry rather than rely on welfare. Widows who are older were to be looked after by their adult children/grandchildren rather than resort to welfare. Those widows who had neither of these options were to receive welfare from the church only if they had proved themselves to be hard working at home, and not prone to laziness.

But what about the Proverbs 31 woman? I have heard that used as justification for working outside the home. Yet this woman, who is worth is above rubies, is not shown as working outside the home. Rather she looks well to the ways of her household. She uses her spare time to be industrious for sure, but the things she does are at home industries. She buys land to provide more food. She makes clothes for her family, and makes some extras that she can sell to merchants. She prepares food to feed her family. She is indeed the ultimate stay at home wife and mother. She uses all her waking hours for the benefit of her family, while being home to look after her family.

I will continue with Part 2 - How we live on a single income. I'll share some of the things we have learned to help us live within our means.

Mythical Sleeping Babies

Mythical Sleeping Babies - its all about personality.


My darling husband and I both giggled the first time we heard the term "mythical sleeping babies" as we have been blessed to have two of them. I wish I could share our secrets to this success, but I can honestly say it isn't all about us. Sure there are things we do that have encouraged sleep, and I will share those below. But more importantly it is about their sleep personalities.

Both our boys appear to have their father's sleep personality. They wake up when day breaks. They nap when they get tired. They go to sleep when it gets dark. Rob is 46 and largely still follows this pattern. When he is at home all day (weekends, vacations etc) he will often have a nap in the middle of the day. Most often all Rob has to do is lift his feet off the floor, stretch out on the sofa, close his eyes and yes, he is sound asleep. I rather envy this ability to sleep any time and any place. I on the other hand take a long time to fall asleep, so naps don't happen unless I'm very ill. I will naturally stay up late and then sleep late. I take forever to actually wake up mentally too. My family never speak to me in the morning until I've been awake for at least an hour.

One thing Rob and I share though is that we like our own space when we sleep. We are not one of those couples who can fall asleep snuggled up to each other. When its time to go to sleep we both turn away from the other person and curl up on our own sides of the bed. It turns out that unsurprisingly both our boys are the same way. There was a large part of me that wanted to have snuggly babies. I like the idea of my baby sleeping next to me during the night so I don't have to get out of bed for middle of the night feeds. I also like the idea of night feeding as a benefit to both the baby and me. When Seth was born I tried having him in bed with me. Even as a newly born baby he didn't like the idea as much as I did. Sure he would fall asleep as I nursed him, but to stay asleep for more than 10 minutes he had to be put down, in his own space. I can tell you that having a newborn wake up after only 10 minutes of sleep makes for one very overtired baby (not to mention exhausted parents.) As much as I like the idea, so far with the children we have, co-sleeping has not worked for us.


What I have learned so far that the issue of sleep is different for each of us, both as babies and adults. Like so many of the "rules" of parenting it is never going to be a one size fits all. We are too unique for that. Instead the best success for us has come from parenting each child as best fits their personalities as well as ours. Sleep really is no different.

So what has worked for us:

1. The most important one by far for us has been to not allow them to get overtired. When it does happen it is always a recipe for disaster. My sons don't sleep well when they get this way. They will often wake up after only 20-30 minutes of sleep if they have gotten overtired before going to sleep. The saying "sleep begets sleep" is definitely true in our home.

2. Giving them their own space to sleep in. Just like us, our boys want and need their own space to have a good sleep. While other babies may prefer to sleep snuggled up to mama, in our experience it has been the opposite. I still dream of having a baby who wants me so much that they love to sleep on me, but so far the ones I have prefer some space, and like having their own crib.

3. Being home for most of their time. Just like their mama, these boys are home bodies. They like to be in familiar surroundings to sleep well. They just don't sleep as soundly or for as long when we are anywhere else. They like their own bed for sleep. This is also very true for naps, especially given that they won't nap on me past 8 weeks of age.

4. Routine. They both respond best to a steady routine. While we don't have set times for anything for the most part, we do have a reasonably predictable routine. It starts when the first one wakes up and goes from there. The only day our routine changes is Sunday, when we have church, and they have to change out some of the routine around the time of the church service.

I know many mamas of young children around the same ages as mine. I know from talking with these women that there are as many variations as there are children. Some have children that all have different sleep personalities, and that is probably the most challenging aspect of both parenting and sleep. Some have babies that will catnap all day long, just as long as they are touching their mama. Some have babies that don't nap at all even at 6 months old. Some have babies that awake every hour or two throughout the night. Some babies love to snuggle and nurse to sleep. Some like being rocked or swayed. Some like to just be put down and left alone. The other thing I have learned is that some need more sleep and some need less.

The most important lesson I have learned about sleep from my boys is to do what works for them rather than what I thought I would do before they were born.

I have a feeling this is going to be a lesson I learn over and over again throughout this parenting adventure.

This post is linked up with

Mothering and Guilt

There is one thing that seems to be certain when we women become mothers, that we will feel guilty about the choices we make for our children.

False Guilt

At Bible College I remember one of my teachers saying that all guilt is false guilt. It comes from the enemy of our faith, trying to stop us from being more effective in our lives. And in the area of parenting there is no shortage of guilt to be found.

Passing the Baton

Tragically the most common form of mother guilt seems to come from other women. I’ve heard it often referred to as “The Mommy Wars.” It stems from women sharing often unwanted advice about how we should do exactly what they do or did as a mother. Then as we begin to feel under attack and the projection of that mommy guilt, we get defensive and start attacking back to make the other women feel the same way.

Guilt or Conviction

Sometimes it is good for us to feel uncomfortable about decision we make or actions we take. There are occasions when we learn something new and realize that we need to make a change. This is when it is easiest to feel guilt. Yet it is not guilt that motivates us to change. It is conviction about the mistake made that motivates change for the future. This is where the difference is made. Guilty feelings will immobilize us and make us defensive. Conviction will motivate us and help us to make the necessary change.

Living Guilt Free

I have tried to live a guilt free life for many years. Now that I am a mother it is even more important to me to refuse to carry the heavy burden that guilt becomes. I am by no means a perfect mother. I’ve been doing this mothering task for less than two years. I have so much still to learn, and my children are very good teachers. Still I live guilt free. Why? Because I refuse to accept that false feeling of guilt. Instead I focus on keeping an open heart and mind in learning new things. I welcome conviction when I make mistakes. If I get it wrong I want to be able to change it rather than defend it.

Real Example

When I first started introducing solid foods to Aiden at almost six months I had done some learning and decided to start with fruits and vegetables rather than cereals. However like most mothers in our culture I started by serving these foods as mush and on a spoon. I was only a few weeks into this process when I started to learn about what is called Baby Led Weaning. It was so different to anything I had experienced before. After a few more weeks I felt convicted that this new way (to me) was the right way for our family. I liked the idea of Aiden learning to chew before learning to swallow. So I stopped spoon feeding mush. I started giving him food in pieces that he could hold in his tiny little hands, and choose for himself how much he ate. It has worked very well for us, and I plan to go straight to real solid foods with Seth and any other future children when the time comes to introduce solid food.

Instead of feeling guilt and defending my decision to spoon feed mush, I kept an open mind and with the motivation of conviction I made some changes. Now this is just an example from my own mothering journey and is not shared to force anyone else to make that same change. I write to help remove the guilt not to add to it.

No More War

The best thing about leaving guilt behind as a mother is that it puts an end to the “Mommy War” mentality in my life. I don’t have to defend any of the decisions I make. I don’t have to justify myself or make another mother feel bad about the decisions she makes.

There are so many issues that seem to fuel the war mentality. This is so sad. We are just trying to do what we think is best for our children. None of us set out to bring harm to our children. We all love our children. More importantly what is right for me, my children and my family is not necessarily right for every other mother and her family. You are the only real expert on your family, just as I am on mine. You know what works best for you, even when it is the opposite of what works for me.

Leaving Guilt Behind

So I for one am leaving guilt behind, in the dust, as I walk forward in my mothering adventure. May I encourage you to do the same. Refuse to let guilt control you. Be the mother only you can be to your blessings, and let us together bring an end to the hostility of the “mommy wars.”

Have a blessed and guilt free day.

Pondering the little things

I like to sometimes sit quietly with a cup of coffee and my journal and stop to ponder the wonderful little things that make my life so sweet. These days those times don't seem to happen as often as I would like. Usually my time is spend with my sweet boys, or during nap time eating, showering and doing chores.

Just yesterday I heard some sad news about a family I love. They are going through a difficult crisis right now and my heart breaks for them. At the same time I felt the need to stop and ponder once more on the blessings I have been given. I know it is only by the grace of the Lord that I have the life I have. I have had my own dark times, and probably will again. Even now I have days that are tough, with a toddler and an infant both crying for me at the same time, while I go without sleep, food and even a shower to meet their needs.

Then this morning I watched Aiden as he stopped playing just to give his baby brother a hug. There is so much love shown in that tiny little gesture. It is so beautiful to see the smile spread across both their faces when the first see each other after naps. Aiden is becoming a lot more expressive of his emotions right now. Every day sees new depth come out. He has recently learned how to express excitement. How adorable to watch him raise his shoulders, clench his fists and tense his face when he gets excited. I love to hear him say Amen when we pray together. He even will ask to pray and for his daily bible time.

Seth is also finding his voice. He will squeal with excitement when he sees me. He giggles when his brother plays with him and when we all sing silly songs together. He will also sometime just squeal and yell just to hear his own voice. Listening to my baby boy is truly one of the sweetest sounds on earth.

A little thing that has really been blessing me recently is thanks to my wonderful, thoughtful husband. Rob has been getting up extra early to go to work so that he can get things done before the rest of his team arrives in the morning. With Seth still feeding through the night it has become rare for me to manage to get up with Rob. Yet most mornings when I do get up to start the day I am blessed with hot coffee ready and waiting for me. Rob will pour some of the coffee he has made into a thermos so that I can have my first cup of the day without having to actually brew the coffee. Its a little thing, but it blesses my heart knowing that he has been thinking of me when he is getting up so early to go out to work.

Now that I've squandered some of that precious nap time writing this I need to go and finish some chores and dinner preparation before either of the boys wake back up.

May your days be filled with the abundance of the little blessings too.

Seth's Birth Story

Warning, this post contains birth details.


Like my late pregnancy with Aiden, this time around I also had the "wonderful" experience of "false" labour from about 37 weeks onwards. At first these bouts of contractions were short lived and several days apart. They were easily recognised as "false" labour. They were not totally false in that they did progress my body in preparing for childbirth. As I neared my estimated due date these bouts of contractions became more frequent, usually happened late at night, and each time the experience got more intense and more like actual labour. My estimated due date went by, and I was now losing several hours of sleep every other night to contractions. I was tired. I was ready to meet our new baby. I felt done being pregnant. The baby however was in no rush to be born.

The day I was exactly 41 weeks we had a scheduled appointment with our midwife in the afternoon. Rob came home from work about 1pm so we would be ready to leave at 2pm for our 3pm appointment. We had lunch together. When Rob asked me how I was feeling that day I suddenly burst into tears. I had been up most of the previous night and was exhausted. We stood in the middle of our living room, Rob holding me in his arms while I cried into his shoulder. I felt foolish. I did not even know why I was crying. In just a few minutes the tears ended and we finished lunch before waking Aiden and leaving for our appointment.

The appointment that afternoon was probably the shortest one we ever had. We were only there about 40 minutes. We talked about having to schedule a biophysical profile if the baby did not arrive by the end of this week, and scheduled another appointment for a few days. Now that I was past 41 weeks I would be on twice weekly midwife appointments. We also talked about things we could do to encourage labour to start naturally. We left encouraged that everything was good with both Mama and baby.

We were not far from our midwife's home, stuck at a traffic light where there had been a car accident, when the first contraction hit. I waited until there had been a few before I said anything to Rob. This was the first time I had contractions in the afternoon, so I knew this was different. By the time we were half way home I knew without a doubt that this was the "real" labour. We decided to stop at WalMart on the way home, as we needed a few groceries, and it would give me an opportunity to walk around before we got back to our apartment. By the time we got home it was nearly 6pm, and I had a definite pattern to my contractions. Rob fed Aiden, gave him a quick bath and put him to bed for the night. It was about an hour earlier than his normal bedtime, but fortunately 15 month old boys are not known for their ability to tell what time it is.

Now that it was just the two of us we were able to focus more on the actual labour. Rob cooked a quick dinner while I worked through contractions on the birth ball. After we ate dinner we called our midwife to let her know labour had started, but that we didn't need her to come to us yet. We then called our friend who had agreed to come over during labour to look after Aiden. Our friend was still at work and we had to leave a voicemail for her. It was an hour later when she called back. She finally arrived about 9:45pm. We prayed together for the labour and birth once she arrived. By 10pm I was definitely in active labour. I had 3 strong contractions right on top of each other. Rob decided it was time to call our midwife back and ask her to come to us. Just a few minutes later I had another 2 contractions on top of each other. There was no longer any doubt that this was the night our baby was going to be born.

At some point soon after calling the midwife we moved from the living room to the bedroom. I kept trying different positions to progress labour, but I kept coming back to sitting on the birth ball. Rob sat behind me to help me keep my back relaxed. I sat on the ball with our bed in front of me so I could lean on it to rest between the contractions. Our friend leaned over the bed and held my hands so I could squeeze on her during the contractions. She also kept me calm by breathing through the contractions with me. By about 11pm I kept asking for a break, a rest. I was so tired and really wanted to have a short nap so I would have the energy to keep going. Rob said later that his thought when he heard me asking for a break was "Oh good we're in transition, its nearly over." Our midwife arrived about 11:20pm, but couldn't get in through the security gate as the dial up from the gate to our phone wasn't working properly. Rob had to leave and drive up to the gate to let her in.

Not long after I felt like I really needed to use the bathroom. I was reassured it was just pressure from the baby. However I knew I also really needed to use the bathroom. So Rob and I moved to the bathroom. Rob was my constant support throughout labour. I leaned on him during the contractions in the bathroom. I had just stood back up when another contraction hit, and I was overwhelmed by the need to push. It caught me by surprise as my body just pushed on its own. That first push burst my amniotic sack. Fortunately some of it went into the toilet, but most of it hit the floor, and Rob's foot. I had two more pushes before the contraction was over. Our midwife wanted to check to make sure I was fully dilated before I pushed again. I still had a small cervical lip, so she wanted me to not push for 15 minutes to give my body time to finish dilating. That 15 minutes was the hardest part of the whole process. She panted with me during the contractions so I could stop myself. It took every ounce of concentration I was capable of to stop my body, and even then the first push of each contraction still got through and I only managed to stop the other two pushes. By now our bathroom was getting crowded with our midwife sitting on the side of the bath, Rob and I standing by the toilet, and the assistant next to us trying to clean up some of the mess on the floor. I knew this was not how I wanted to birth this baby, so I asked to go back to our bed. It took about 4 contractions to actually move from the ensuite to the bed. I really did not like the sensation of pushing while upright. I finally made it onto the bed and tried one contraction on my hands and knees. Again I really didn't like this position, even though I thought I would before that point. This was when I ended up lying down on my side simply from not knowing what else to do. It felt so comfortable to push in that position, so I stayed on my side, lying across the bed. Rob started out at my head, holding the pillows in place while I pushed. After a few minutes he moved to behind me so I could lean my back on him slightly. The slightly tilted angle with back support was the most comfortable position I could find. I held on to the pillows under my head with my lower arm and gripped my upper thigh with the other arm. The midwife's assistant supported my feet.

Each contraction still had 3 definite pushes. I could feel the baby move down inside me during the contractions, then move back up slightly between while I rested. I knew that this happened, but I felt so strange to experience it. The only actual effort I had to make was to concentrate on my breathing to stay as relaxed as possible. I was focusing on the directed breathing I had learned form "The Pink Kit" childbirth preparation material. In doing this I allowed my body to do the pushing by itself. My body knew how to birth this baby. I just had to stay relaxed and let it happen. Once the head got part of the way out I could feel the sting of my skin being stretched to let the baby out. Again I focused on breathing and staying relaxed and letting my body do the work. Unknown to me at the time, the reason I felt the stinging was because the baby had a nucal arm, and the elbow was causing some over stretching that made a small tear, and left a few abrasions (also called skid marks.) With the head partially out the midwife could see the fingers against the baby's cheek, and she had to pull the arm out, out of the way to allow the head and then the shoulders to come out. At this point there was a brief break in the contractions. I decided to try to push the rest of the body out on my own, but nothing happened. I had to wait for the next contraction and the natural pushes to birth the rest of the body. The pause was only a minute at most, but it felt like a long time to have a partially born baby. He was finally completely born at 1:24am, just over 9 hours from when I had those first contractions at that traffic light.

As soon as the baby was born Rob got to be the one to see what gender the baby was. I was thrilled when I heard him announce we had another son. Throughout the pregnancy we both had felt like we were going to get a daughter, but in the moment there was only joy that Aiden would have a brother to grow up with, someone who could be his lifelong best friend. Because I was still lying on my side the baby was laid on the bed next to me. It was such a precious time having those first minutes to be lying next to each other and getting to know each other. I held his tiny little hand and talked with him until the chord stopped pulsing. Then Rob got to cut the chord and hold the baby for a few minutes while I moved to a more comfortable position on my back to deliver the placenta. As soon as I was in position at the top of the bed, in a half recline, I was given the baby back. We nursed for the first time at that point, and he had a very good latch and strong suck. It didn't take long for the placenta to come out once we started nursing. Finally the birth was over. I did however lose a lot of blood, so the midwife asked if she could give me a shot of pitocin to stop the bleeding. I was given just one shot in the leg, and it seemed to do the trick.

Lying side by side just after birth

It was then time for the midwife to check for any damage. This was when she found I had two internal abrasions that would need a stitch each and that the tear would need 3 stitches. I was given a shot to numb the area for stitching, but I could still feel the movement as she stitched me up. Once this was over with Rob got on the bed with us, and we were left alone just the 3 of us to become acquainted with each other. Our friend, who had been around for the entire process, made me a cup of hot tea to drink. Eventually I felt able to get up and use the bathroom. Rob held the baby, while the midwife helped me to the bathroom. Then once I was finished she helped me to clean up and change my clothes before I got back into bed. Once safely back in bed, and the baby back in my arms, it was suggested that I had something to eat. I was given some suggestions and finally settled on some scrambled eggs and toast, which Rob went and made for me. While Rob was gone to the kitchen our friend came and sat with me and the baby. After I had eaten our friend left to go home and get a few hours of sleep before she had to get back up for work again. The midwife and her assistant stayed in the living room to fill out some of their paperwork while Rob and I sat in bed and marveled at this new little boy the Lord had given us.

Getting acquainted in bed together

After completing some other paperwork with us, including the application for the birth certificate, our midwife and her assistant finally got to go home. It was now about 4am. We were now alone, just our little family in our home. Aiden was still sound asleep, and had no idea that when he got up in the morning he was going to meet his new baby brother. We decided to try and get some sleep before Aiden woke up. Rob dosed a little on the bed beside me. I held the baby in my arm, and even though I was exhausted I could not sleep. So I lay there watching our new son as he slept in my arm.

When Rob went later in the morning to get Aiden up, he told him he had a new brother. However when he brought Aiden into our bedroom and sat him on the bed to meet his baby brother Aiden refused to look at him. He looked at Rob, and even at me, but he refused to let his eyes meet with this tiny baby in Mama's arm. It took a few hours before the curiosity hit strongly enough for Aiden to finally want to meet his new baby brother. Once he did accept the presence of the baby he got excited about him. Every day he now asks about the baby when he first wakes up.

Mama's boys

Today Seth is 4 weeks old. In some ways it has been a very quick 4 weeks, in others it seems like we have always been a family of 4. I have found the adjustment to our new family dynamic interesting. Physically it has been a very different recovery from Aiden's birth. Then I had to recover from surgery and once I had the external staples removed at 6 days I no longer felt much pain. I did have to wait to be able to use my stomach muscles, and so mobility was more difficult after Aiden. This time I have had one small abrasion that is taking time to heal, and at 4 weeks postpartum it is still giving me some discomfort. However due to location I have been told it could be 6-8 weeks postpartum before it has healed completely. Despite this discomfort I would gladly repeat this experience. Having a home birth just 15 months after a c-section birth has been an incredible experience. I was able to see the amazing power of my body work to birth this baby. We got to have a peaceful beginning to Seth's life with us. He has never been separated from me, and was not subject to unnecessary testing or injections immediately after birth. As a result he feeds a lot better than Aiden ever did, and is gaining weight well.

Seth at 2 weeks old

At birth (or at least about an hour after) Seth weighed in at 9lb 8oz, 23 inches long and 14 1/4 inches for his head. At 3 days his weight had dropped down to 8lb 14oz. Then at 7 days his weight was back up to 9lb 10oz. He was last weighed again at 21 days and was then up to 10lb 10oz. By now (28days) he should be over 11lb.

I am filled with awe at the amazing design of childbirth. Learning how to work with my body to birth this baby has been a wonderful experience. Being able to birth in the comfort of my own home, surrounded only by those we chose to be there, made Seth's entrance into this world one of peace and tranquility. It has been a joy to make this journey together with Rob. It has bound us closer together as a couple, and strengthened us as a family. I mourn for those women I know who have been robbed of this kind of experience by a doctor who told them it is too dangerous to have a vaginal birth after a c-section. I rejoice that the Lord in His grace has allowed us to have such a wonderful birth.

I pray that our testimony may encourage others to try for a vaginal birth after c-section (VBAC), and maybe even to home birth.

I'm back to blogging.

I had no idea when I last wrote back in May that it would be nearly 5 months before I wrote again.

It was a long and very hot summer to be growing a baby inside while looking after a not quite a toddler. The pregnancy this time was much healthier than my previous one, but running around after Aiden every day and trying to prepare him for becoming a big brother didn't leave me much time for my blog.

Summer has past. Hard to believe it really is October already. We are now a family of four, and adjusting to a whole new dynamic. Seth Andrew was born at home September 7th at 1:24am. I'll share the full details of his wonderful birth story in another post soon.

We feel very blessed as a family. We have two wonderful boys only 15 months and 1 week apart in age. We are so happy our baby turned out to be another son. We just know that growing up together will have them be very close friends. Both boys are wonderful sleepers, and already at less than four weeks Seth has a fairly predictable sleeping pattern, and only wakes once during the night to feed, then again early in the morning at about the same time his daddy is getting up for the day. I've even been able to get both boys to take a nap at the same time most mornings, which gives me a bit a time to get some chores done with two hands. I'm very aware how wonderful this is when there is a newborn in the home.

I will try to keep the blog more up to date, although October does promise to be a very busy month for us as a family. I'll share more about that later in the month.

For now here are a few pictures of my wonderful boys.

May you all have a blessed day

Lyn

10 Months Already

Life has been more than a little full around here recently. We had two weeks where the whole family got ill, some kind of "flu like" cold that had us all doing little more than sleeping and occasionally eating. Then just as we were recovering our sweet little boy decided to get some live yogurt in his eye, and ended up with conjunctivitis. (Seriously, he won't eat baby yogurt, but loves natural live yogurt. Daddy was feeding him and Aiden grabbed at his spoon and in the process flicked yogurt across his face, and a little bit got in his eye.) The conjunctivitis resulted in a doctor visit and five days of eye drops to get rid of the infection. It took both of us to get that drop in his eye every morning and evening, and it was still not an easy feat with a wriggly 10 month old.

10 Months Old, April 1st 2011

Despite the illness it has been fun around our home. Aiden has gained more mobility. He still won't crawl in the traditional way. He won't even try to get up on his knees. However he has found that he can get to where he wants to be by wriggling and rolling, and he is getting very efficient at it too. It is amusing to watch him as he sets his sights on something then works his way to get it. He has also increased in confidence and just this past week has ventured off the rug that takes up most of the floor in our sitting area. So far he has ventured far enough to get to the dinning table, and to our bedroom door. He has said "Hello" twice, the first time while on Skype with my mum, then again a few days later when his daddy came home.

We also gave Aiden a hair cut at home. He has quite thick hair at the top of his head. It is also the one area of his head where no hair fell out after he was born. As a result it was getting too long again, and was still brown while the new hair on the rest of his head was blonde. So Rob held him while I attempted to cut. It won't win awards for style, but it is neater and more even now. When we look at pictures of him from his first month, then look at him now, it is hard to believe he is the same little boy. His features have changed so much in these last 10 months.

New Hair Cut

It is amazing to watch all the changes that happen during this very short phase of babyhood. We know this is such a short time in Aiden's life. It won't be long before he is no longer a baby, but instead becomes a toddler. While it seems like all the other mothers around me are busy looking forward to the next developmental stage, I'm in no hurry. I want to relish each and every day that he is at this current point. The days where Aiden is completely dependent upon me for everything are already slipping away. He is developing more and more independence and autonomy. He is beginning to communicate verbally. He can feed himself table food, as long as it is in small pieces (although he will attempt to eat bigger pieces of food if he gets his hands on them.) He can move from one place to another without my help. Just 10 months ago the only thing he could do for himself was sleep, or cry.

Eating Dinner

Then in just a few short months Aiden will also be a big brother. He will be showing the way for a younger sibling. He will be learning how to share, and give, and serve. Life will no longer just be about him. When Aiden shows symptoms of being an only child, and just a little too demanding of constant attention, Rob will be heard to say "help is on the way." Being a big brother will cure Aiden of that only child complex. He will have no choice but to adjust to another baby in our home. It will be good for him.

Until then though I plan to continue relishing every moment of where he is right now. He is such a blessing, and one I enjoy sharing every day with.

The Best Kind of Blessing

Two days before Christmas 2010 Rob and I received the best kind of blessing. We found out that the Lord had blessed us with another baby. Now that I'm officially out of that first trimester I wanted to share that blessing here on the blog.

Having another child is not the only blessing either. We have also been blessed to find a wonderful home birth midwife who will allow us to try a home birth after cesarean (HBAC) which we are very excited about. After the slow labor and complications of Aiden's birth we were not sure if we would be able to find a midwife who would be comfortable with allowing us to home birth so soon after that surgery. We happen to live in an area that is very hostile to normal vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC) and our nearest hospital actually has a ban on such births. It is not only our most local hospital, but all of the five nearest hospitals with maternity services do not allow, or do not encourage a normal birth after a cesarean. This in light of the fact that it is safer to have a VBAC than to have a repeat cesarean. So we are understandably excited that we are being given the opportunity not only to try for a normal birth, but to be able to do so at home.

So far everything has been going well. The first trimester has been trying at times, as I suffer all day nausea and extreme fatigue during my first trimester. Now that I'm entering my second trimester my symptoms are beginning to ease and my energy is slowly returning. Apart from those two particular issues I have to admit that I love being pregnant. It is an amazing thing to know that another human being is growing inside of me.

We also already know that this new baby is going to be such a blessing to their big brother. Aiden is almost 9 months old, and is already showing some of the signs that show he is currently an only child. He is such a sweet child, and we really have been blessed that he is so easy to care for, but there are times when he demands constant attention. This is especially true on a Monday. It is usually impossible for me to do much on a Monday other than play with Aiden. He has had both parents home all weekend to give him unlimited attention, so come Monday morning he doesn't understand why it should be any different. In becoming a big brother he will learn the precious and important lesson that life does not always center on him. He will also eventually have a playmate for those times when Mamma just has to get some chores done. There is going to be about 15 months between these two precious children, so I'm sure they will be great friends as they grow up. There was only 18 months between my big brother and I and as children we were great friends. Rob and his brother also have less than two years between them, and are still very close as friends as well as brothers. How wonderful that Aiden will have that kind of opportunity too.

It truly is a wonderful blessing to trust the Lord with our family, and to be given an opportunity to grow not only our size, but also our hearts.

The Family Meal Table

My wonderful husband and I are very deliberate in some of the choices we make. One of them was purchasing a large dinning table. While I would have settled for something much less ornate than the one we eventually chose, we were very careful in our selection. We wanted a table that would accommodate a large family. The largest table we could find was the one we ended up with. It seats ten people. It only seats ten people because the chairs that go with it are very wide (and very comfortable) so that fully extended the table will take four of these chairs down each side and another each at the top and bottom. If we swap a few of the matching chairs for ordinary kitchen chairs we can increase the capacity to twelve, or even fourteen. In our current home we have removed one of the extending leaves so that we have only eight chairs around it. However it currently can operate this way as a nine person table as we have a high chair for Aiden on the corner between where Rob and I usually sit.

Our dinning table just after we bought it.

This post isn't to just talk about our dinning table, rather I want to share why we deliberately chose such a large table. From the very beginning of our marriage we agreed on the importance of this piece of furniture in our home. Why? Because having the whole family sit down together for meals is very important to us. We wanted to start our life together the way we intended it to be if we were ever blessed with children. We wanted our meals to be eaten at the table, together, and without just rushing to get it over with.

For us we knew that once children came along it would not always be possible to have everyone together for breakfast and lunch every single day. The morning person that Rob is, along with semi-flexible work hours, would often mean Rob had already left for work before the rest of the family is awake. He also works too far away to be able to come home for lunch. Those meals would be reserved for the weekends. The one meal we knew would always work, no matter what, is dinner. Our evening meal could always be the whole family together around the table with no need to rush away in various different directions.

Now that Aiden has a more predictable routine, and is staying up later than 5pm, he sits with us at the table for his evening meal. For Aiden this has become the start of his bedtime routine. He eats alongside us, then he gets some milk to drink before getting ready for bed and going down for the night. Like both his parents Aiden is a creature of habit. He likes the routine, and knowing what comes next. Now that he is eating real food, and having three meals a day, sitting at the table to eat helps to punctuate his day, and let him know what comes next. After every meal there is sleep and rest for him. He loves being able to sit with us and listen to us talk while we share our meal. At breakfast and lunch it may just be two of us sitting together, but it is still an enjoyable time of interaction.

This brings me to why we feel that having the whole family together around the table for meals is important. It is a time not just to fill our stomachs with food, but a time to fill our minds and hearts too. While we try to make all our meals as nutritionally full of goodness as we possibly can, we want mealtimes to be more than just physical nourishment. The interaction that happens around the table is just as important. It is time to remove from all the other distractions around us and focus on each other. When we do on the rare occasion eat somewhere else like the sofa, our attention is drawn away from each other to the DVD we are planning to watch, or the TV show that just can't be missed, even for food. When we sit at the table we are not just in a better position for eating, we are also in a better position for interacting with each other. Sitting around the table enables easy eye contact. We can look at our plates, or we can look at each other. The eye contact makes conversation much easier.

In eating together around the table we nourish each other relationally as well as nutritionally. We bind ourselves together as a family by spending that time together. It doesn't take much to make it happen. You don't need an expensive table either. One of my favourite Christmas memories from my childhood demonstrates this.

One year my grandparents decided to host Christmas dinner. Their house wasn't really furnished for a large dinner to happen, but with some imagination they made it happen. They emptied out one of their spare bedrooms upstairs. Then they set up two wallpapering tables, long ends together, covered them with a bed sheet, and instantly a large dinning table to accommodate everyone. Chairs were borrowed to make sure there were enough. My other grandparents were invited to join my Mum's family for dinner that year. In total there were at least eight adults, two children and two toddlers around that table. It was a wonderful meal, not because of the food (I can't remember what we even had to eat that day) but rather because the family, my grandparents family, were together around one table, sharing a meal, and lots of laughter.

Making the family meal table work is about making time for the whole family to be together, in one place, at the same time and interacting with one another. The physical process of sitting around a table facing each other makes it easier to remove other distractions, and facilitate better communication. It doesn't have to be a long drawn out process either. Half an hour a day, once a day, isn't a whole lot of time.

We know that those with teenagers may find this more of a challenge. For the eight months we were the host parents of two teenage boys. We understand the challenge of getting them to the table, and keeping their attention at the table. We had to make a few rules to work around the distractions those teenagers brought with them. In our situation we tried to keep the rules minimal, but some were necessary. For the table our rules were that everything electronic was switched off. There was no TV playing, no video games, and most importantly no cell phones at the table. We also had an additional rule that nobody left the table without asking to be excused, and then being given permission. Meals often only took twenty minutes or less to eat, so there were not many reasons for which we allowed the boys to leave the table early, not even homework. It didn't take the boys long to adjust to eating at the table, and it became a time where we could all connect and find out what was going on in each others lives. We certainly learned a lot about the lives of teenagers by sitting at the table together.

With the busy schedules many people live today I know many wonder how they can possibly fit this into their family. Is half an hour really too much to ask? Is the busy scheduled activities really more important than spending time together in interaction? It may be that work schedules make it difficult for both parents to be around for meals every day, especially for those who work varying shift patterns. One parent and all the children is still better than no interaction at all, and then when the other parent can make it there is less change to the normal routine. Perhaps breakfast would be a better meal to focus on, rather than dinner. If there is currently no meals in the week that everyone shares regularly, perhaps chose to start with one particular meal, and make that your priority. In an entire week is half an hour for the whole family to eat together too much to ask? If you can't fit in just one meal a week I'd like to kindly suggest that perhaps you are too busy. Maybe one of those activities that draws the family apart needs to be stopped so that you can all come together for that one meal a week.

For us as a family, as our family grows, dinner is still going to be our priority every day. Even when Aiden reaches those busy teen years he will still be expected to sit down for dinner with us every night. For us no activity is going to be allowed to be more important than spending time together as a family around the dinner table. That time is part of the glue that will hold us together as a family. For us it is important. For us it is a priority.

Why don't you try it sometime this week, and see how well it can work for you.