Seth's Birth Story

Warning, this post contains birth details.


Like my late pregnancy with Aiden, this time around I also had the "wonderful" experience of "false" labour from about 37 weeks onwards. At first these bouts of contractions were short lived and several days apart. They were easily recognised as "false" labour. They were not totally false in that they did progress my body in preparing for childbirth. As I neared my estimated due date these bouts of contractions became more frequent, usually happened late at night, and each time the experience got more intense and more like actual labour. My estimated due date went by, and I was now losing several hours of sleep every other night to contractions. I was tired. I was ready to meet our new baby. I felt done being pregnant. The baby however was in no rush to be born.

The day I was exactly 41 weeks we had a scheduled appointment with our midwife in the afternoon. Rob came home from work about 1pm so we would be ready to leave at 2pm for our 3pm appointment. We had lunch together. When Rob asked me how I was feeling that day I suddenly burst into tears. I had been up most of the previous night and was exhausted. We stood in the middle of our living room, Rob holding me in his arms while I cried into his shoulder. I felt foolish. I did not even know why I was crying. In just a few minutes the tears ended and we finished lunch before waking Aiden and leaving for our appointment.

The appointment that afternoon was probably the shortest one we ever had. We were only there about 40 minutes. We talked about having to schedule a biophysical profile if the baby did not arrive by the end of this week, and scheduled another appointment for a few days. Now that I was past 41 weeks I would be on twice weekly midwife appointments. We also talked about things we could do to encourage labour to start naturally. We left encouraged that everything was good with both Mama and baby.

We were not far from our midwife's home, stuck at a traffic light where there had been a car accident, when the first contraction hit. I waited until there had been a few before I said anything to Rob. This was the first time I had contractions in the afternoon, so I knew this was different. By the time we were half way home I knew without a doubt that this was the "real" labour. We decided to stop at WalMart on the way home, as we needed a few groceries, and it would give me an opportunity to walk around before we got back to our apartment. By the time we got home it was nearly 6pm, and I had a definite pattern to my contractions. Rob fed Aiden, gave him a quick bath and put him to bed for the night. It was about an hour earlier than his normal bedtime, but fortunately 15 month old boys are not known for their ability to tell what time it is.

Now that it was just the two of us we were able to focus more on the actual labour. Rob cooked a quick dinner while I worked through contractions on the birth ball. After we ate dinner we called our midwife to let her know labour had started, but that we didn't need her to come to us yet. We then called our friend who had agreed to come over during labour to look after Aiden. Our friend was still at work and we had to leave a voicemail for her. It was an hour later when she called back. She finally arrived about 9:45pm. We prayed together for the labour and birth once she arrived. By 10pm I was definitely in active labour. I had 3 strong contractions right on top of each other. Rob decided it was time to call our midwife back and ask her to come to us. Just a few minutes later I had another 2 contractions on top of each other. There was no longer any doubt that this was the night our baby was going to be born.

At some point soon after calling the midwife we moved from the living room to the bedroom. I kept trying different positions to progress labour, but I kept coming back to sitting on the birth ball. Rob sat behind me to help me keep my back relaxed. I sat on the ball with our bed in front of me so I could lean on it to rest between the contractions. Our friend leaned over the bed and held my hands so I could squeeze on her during the contractions. She also kept me calm by breathing through the contractions with me. By about 11pm I kept asking for a break, a rest. I was so tired and really wanted to have a short nap so I would have the energy to keep going. Rob said later that his thought when he heard me asking for a break was "Oh good we're in transition, its nearly over." Our midwife arrived about 11:20pm, but couldn't get in through the security gate as the dial up from the gate to our phone wasn't working properly. Rob had to leave and drive up to the gate to let her in.

Not long after I felt like I really needed to use the bathroom. I was reassured it was just pressure from the baby. However I knew I also really needed to use the bathroom. So Rob and I moved to the bathroom. Rob was my constant support throughout labour. I leaned on him during the contractions in the bathroom. I had just stood back up when another contraction hit, and I was overwhelmed by the need to push. It caught me by surprise as my body just pushed on its own. That first push burst my amniotic sack. Fortunately some of it went into the toilet, but most of it hit the floor, and Rob's foot. I had two more pushes before the contraction was over. Our midwife wanted to check to make sure I was fully dilated before I pushed again. I still had a small cervical lip, so she wanted me to not push for 15 minutes to give my body time to finish dilating. That 15 minutes was the hardest part of the whole process. She panted with me during the contractions so I could stop myself. It took every ounce of concentration I was capable of to stop my body, and even then the first push of each contraction still got through and I only managed to stop the other two pushes. By now our bathroom was getting crowded with our midwife sitting on the side of the bath, Rob and I standing by the toilet, and the assistant next to us trying to clean up some of the mess on the floor. I knew this was not how I wanted to birth this baby, so I asked to go back to our bed. It took about 4 contractions to actually move from the ensuite to the bed. I really did not like the sensation of pushing while upright. I finally made it onto the bed and tried one contraction on my hands and knees. Again I really didn't like this position, even though I thought I would before that point. This was when I ended up lying down on my side simply from not knowing what else to do. It felt so comfortable to push in that position, so I stayed on my side, lying across the bed. Rob started out at my head, holding the pillows in place while I pushed. After a few minutes he moved to behind me so I could lean my back on him slightly. The slightly tilted angle with back support was the most comfortable position I could find. I held on to the pillows under my head with my lower arm and gripped my upper thigh with the other arm. The midwife's assistant supported my feet.

Each contraction still had 3 definite pushes. I could feel the baby move down inside me during the contractions, then move back up slightly between while I rested. I knew that this happened, but I felt so strange to experience it. The only actual effort I had to make was to concentrate on my breathing to stay as relaxed as possible. I was focusing on the directed breathing I had learned form "The Pink Kit" childbirth preparation material. In doing this I allowed my body to do the pushing by itself. My body knew how to birth this baby. I just had to stay relaxed and let it happen. Once the head got part of the way out I could feel the sting of my skin being stretched to let the baby out. Again I focused on breathing and staying relaxed and letting my body do the work. Unknown to me at the time, the reason I felt the stinging was because the baby had a nucal arm, and the elbow was causing some over stretching that made a small tear, and left a few abrasions (also called skid marks.) With the head partially out the midwife could see the fingers against the baby's cheek, and she had to pull the arm out, out of the way to allow the head and then the shoulders to come out. At this point there was a brief break in the contractions. I decided to try to push the rest of the body out on my own, but nothing happened. I had to wait for the next contraction and the natural pushes to birth the rest of the body. The pause was only a minute at most, but it felt like a long time to have a partially born baby. He was finally completely born at 1:24am, just over 9 hours from when I had those first contractions at that traffic light.

As soon as the baby was born Rob got to be the one to see what gender the baby was. I was thrilled when I heard him announce we had another son. Throughout the pregnancy we both had felt like we were going to get a daughter, but in the moment there was only joy that Aiden would have a brother to grow up with, someone who could be his lifelong best friend. Because I was still lying on my side the baby was laid on the bed next to me. It was such a precious time having those first minutes to be lying next to each other and getting to know each other. I held his tiny little hand and talked with him until the chord stopped pulsing. Then Rob got to cut the chord and hold the baby for a few minutes while I moved to a more comfortable position on my back to deliver the placenta. As soon as I was in position at the top of the bed, in a half recline, I was given the baby back. We nursed for the first time at that point, and he had a very good latch and strong suck. It didn't take long for the placenta to come out once we started nursing. Finally the birth was over. I did however lose a lot of blood, so the midwife asked if she could give me a shot of pitocin to stop the bleeding. I was given just one shot in the leg, and it seemed to do the trick.

Lying side by side just after birth

It was then time for the midwife to check for any damage. This was when she found I had two internal abrasions that would need a stitch each and that the tear would need 3 stitches. I was given a shot to numb the area for stitching, but I could still feel the movement as she stitched me up. Once this was over with Rob got on the bed with us, and we were left alone just the 3 of us to become acquainted with each other. Our friend, who had been around for the entire process, made me a cup of hot tea to drink. Eventually I felt able to get up and use the bathroom. Rob held the baby, while the midwife helped me to the bathroom. Then once I was finished she helped me to clean up and change my clothes before I got back into bed. Once safely back in bed, and the baby back in my arms, it was suggested that I had something to eat. I was given some suggestions and finally settled on some scrambled eggs and toast, which Rob went and made for me. While Rob was gone to the kitchen our friend came and sat with me and the baby. After I had eaten our friend left to go home and get a few hours of sleep before she had to get back up for work again. The midwife and her assistant stayed in the living room to fill out some of their paperwork while Rob and I sat in bed and marveled at this new little boy the Lord had given us.

Getting acquainted in bed together

After completing some other paperwork with us, including the application for the birth certificate, our midwife and her assistant finally got to go home. It was now about 4am. We were now alone, just our little family in our home. Aiden was still sound asleep, and had no idea that when he got up in the morning he was going to meet his new baby brother. We decided to try and get some sleep before Aiden woke up. Rob dosed a little on the bed beside me. I held the baby in my arm, and even though I was exhausted I could not sleep. So I lay there watching our new son as he slept in my arm.

When Rob went later in the morning to get Aiden up, he told him he had a new brother. However when he brought Aiden into our bedroom and sat him on the bed to meet his baby brother Aiden refused to look at him. He looked at Rob, and even at me, but he refused to let his eyes meet with this tiny baby in Mama's arm. It took a few hours before the curiosity hit strongly enough for Aiden to finally want to meet his new baby brother. Once he did accept the presence of the baby he got excited about him. Every day he now asks about the baby when he first wakes up.

Mama's boys

Today Seth is 4 weeks old. In some ways it has been a very quick 4 weeks, in others it seems like we have always been a family of 4. I have found the adjustment to our new family dynamic interesting. Physically it has been a very different recovery from Aiden's birth. Then I had to recover from surgery and once I had the external staples removed at 6 days I no longer felt much pain. I did have to wait to be able to use my stomach muscles, and so mobility was more difficult after Aiden. This time I have had one small abrasion that is taking time to heal, and at 4 weeks postpartum it is still giving me some discomfort. However due to location I have been told it could be 6-8 weeks postpartum before it has healed completely. Despite this discomfort I would gladly repeat this experience. Having a home birth just 15 months after a c-section birth has been an incredible experience. I was able to see the amazing power of my body work to birth this baby. We got to have a peaceful beginning to Seth's life with us. He has never been separated from me, and was not subject to unnecessary testing or injections immediately after birth. As a result he feeds a lot better than Aiden ever did, and is gaining weight well.

Seth at 2 weeks old

At birth (or at least about an hour after) Seth weighed in at 9lb 8oz, 23 inches long and 14 1/4 inches for his head. At 3 days his weight had dropped down to 8lb 14oz. Then at 7 days his weight was back up to 9lb 10oz. He was last weighed again at 21 days and was then up to 10lb 10oz. By now (28days) he should be over 11lb.

I am filled with awe at the amazing design of childbirth. Learning how to work with my body to birth this baby has been a wonderful experience. Being able to birth in the comfort of my own home, surrounded only by those we chose to be there, made Seth's entrance into this world one of peace and tranquility. It has been a joy to make this journey together with Rob. It has bound us closer together as a couple, and strengthened us as a family. I mourn for those women I know who have been robbed of this kind of experience by a doctor who told them it is too dangerous to have a vaginal birth after a c-section. I rejoice that the Lord in His grace has allowed us to have such a wonderful birth.

I pray that our testimony may encourage others to try for a vaginal birth after c-section (VBAC), and maybe even to home birth.

Contemplating the season of mothering babies.

Since it has been over a month since I last wrote anything here I feel that I should.

This past month has been a busy time in our household, and I just haven't felt inspired to write much. I've even gotten slack with replying to emails from friends. I think in part I'm just in a very introspective place right now, with my sweet baby boy reaching development milestones, and the new baby making their presence constantly known with visible movement in my belly.

Aiden is doing so well right now. He is a sweet and happy as ever. In this last month he has discovered the fun of standing up. He won't pull himself up to stand, but he loves to wriggle down from our knees to stand up. Rob keeps joking about how much Aiden is his father's son. Its all about putting in the least amount of effort to get the same result. After a couple of weeks of standing he is just this week beginning to graduate to a few side shuffle steps to reach toys that are out of reach. I know he is going to be cruising sometime in the next few weeks. Right now we are still working on balance, and I'm trying to teach him how to sit down from standing, and how to pull himself up. That will certainly make life easier on my back, than the constant leaning over I'm having to do right now. I am keen to have Aiden walking before the new baby gets here at the end of the summer, but I also know this smart little boy is going to develop at his own pace, as it suits him.

The pregnancy continues to go well. This new little one is almost as active as their big brother was at this stage. The biggest difference though is that this little one doesn't seem to be showing a preference for any particular position in the womb. Aiden was head down from as early as we could tell his position. This new baby likes to move around a lot more. They did spend a few weeks lying almost exclusively transverse, which did concern me. The last few weeks though have seen an almost constant change in position, with no particular favourite so far. I try to encourage the baby into a head down position, but there is still plenty of time before I actually need to have any real concern about that. I know some babies won't go head down until labour starts, especially after you've already had previous children.

My mind has very much been filled by motherhood and all that it entails recently. I've been meditating on the changing seasons of life. I've always been a writer. It is a huge part of who I am. I've always had a very strong desire to write, and often dreamed of becoming a published author one day. Just recently I've felt that the door to writing has been drawing closed, for this particular season of my life. For the first time ever the constant desire to express myself in written word just has not been there. There is no motivation, no inspiration, no desire to write. Yet I also feel that this is only for this season in my life. Eventually I'll go back to writing. Eventually I will no longer be the mother of small children. The season of my life will change once more.

Right now instead of writing I am sewing. We splurged on a new sewing machine last November and it is finally being used. It has taken up an almost permanent place at one end of our dinning table. So far most of my sewing has been for the new baby. I've made some tie-on cloth diapers and diaper soaker inserts. Then there are the tiny newborn size kimonos from recycled t-shirts Rob was ready to throw out. I even bought some fabric to make muslin swaddles, perfect for the heat of Florida towards the end of summer. I still have more kimonos cut and ready to sew, and I want to get some fitted diapers in newborn size made too. I have even ventured to make silk diaper liners that we can use for both Aiden and the new baby. The silk feels so much nicer against those delicate parts of their bodies.

Once the sewing projects are completed it will be time for the knitting needles. I have found some very cute patterns free online for some wool diaper covers. I also found some very reasonably priced wool online. Using wool covers will be so much nicer that PUL or plastic. I also have a couple of blankets I want to crochet for the baby. I made two for Aiden, and I'd like this new baby to have their own. Aiden loves his blankets. He loves the texture of the crochet and the feel of the yarn. I don't want him to feel like we are taking those blankets away from him to give to the new baby, so I need to make a few more.

I still have a few months before this new baby arrives, so I'm hopeful that will be plenty of time to get all my projects completed. And if the baby arrives while I'm still working on some, then that will be fine too. We have all the basics we need, and then some, from when Aiden was born. The best thing about babies is they don't care what colour they are wearing. They just want to be loved, fed and comfortable. Loved, fed and comfortable we can do even if another thing never got completed.

So sorry for being such a lazy blogger. I can't promise I'll be writing much more frequently in the next few months. I'll try, but life and babies happen, so I'll just have to try my best.

If at first you don't succeed...

I grew up hearing the saying "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." It was apparently inspired by a tale of Robert the Bruce, who while fleeing from the advancing English armies was hiding in a cave. To pass the time he watched a spider as it tried to weave a web. Many times the spider would fail to attach a strand, but it never gave up. It just kept trying until it succeeded. The Scottish King took inspiration from this and returned to fight King Edwards army and finally succeed in battle. Growing up in Scotland it didn't really matter if all the details of the story were true, it was the principle it taught us that mattered. No matter what the odds we only really fail when we give up or give in.

Robert the Bruce, King of Scotland

And so we decided to once again try for a home birth for our new blessing. However learning our lessons from our previous experience has very much been at the fore of our minds. It has only been with several months of hindsight behind us that Rob and I have been able to take a truly honest look at what happened at Aidens birth that led to our hospital transfer and unplanned c-section. I thought I was prepared, although I knew Rob was not as prepared as he could have been. I did all the reading I could. I read too many birth stories to count. Everything I read basically said the same thing, "Your body knows how to birth this baby, just trust your body." And so I went into my first labor and birth just trusting my body to know what to do. There is a degree of truth to this, but I discovered that it is not always all there is to it.

The last month of my pregnancy was not easy. I began to retain fluids and in the last week I started having protein in my urine. Both of these came down to the simple fact that I was not eating enough protein. (Not that I totally understood that at the time.) I had very little appetite as my short body held on to my every growing baby. After only a mouthful or two of food I was too full to keep eating, so I would stop. The problem was that I didn't go back to eat again often enough. I was too busy preparing for my parents arrival and the birth of this baby. I was uncomfortable and not getting enough rest either. The lesson has been learned and Rob and I have already talked about ways to make sure I eat enough protein at the end of this pregnancy. We have also decided that we will not be having overnight guests around the time of birth ever again, as it is simply too much for me to try to deal with.

Then there are many lessons we have learned about preparing for labour. Last time labour started with the rupture of membranes (waters breaking) followed about 20 minutes later by my first definite contraction. However I had been experiencing contractions that would start and stop for several days before hand. (I never really had many braxton hicks type contractions in the weeks and months leading up to birth.) The night labour started we had only been asleep about 2 hours, and in my excitement I didn't try much to go back to sleep between contractions. I was not well rested at the start of what would turn out to be a very long labour. A mistake I don't plan to repeat. When the intermittent contractions start happening I plan to start getting as much rest and sleep as I can until I can't sleep any more.

Throughout the actual labour I was so focused on "doing" labour that I used up more energy than I should have during the early labour. I also didn't allow myself to relax enough between contractions, and I didn't eat and drink enough during labour either, further depleting my energy reserves. Again Rob and I have talked already about what we can do differently and together this time to make these things different. Last time Rob wasn't really sure what he needed to be doing to help me. This time he knows he is going to have to be the one responsible for making me relax between contractions and keeping me regularly topped up with food and fluids.

The biggest surprise to both of us however has been learning that not everything comes naturally in labour. Some skills for birthing better need to be learned ahead of time. And we are making sure that this time around we both are doing the learning, together. I have two wonderful sources that we are learning a lot from. The first is the website spinning babies. From everything we have read on that website our best guess for many of our difficulties with Aidens birth is because he was asynclictic, or malpositioned during his descent through my pelvis. Thanks to spinning babies I have learned a lot about how I can try to prevent this from happening again, including staying off the sofa.

The other major tool we are using this time is a child birth preparation package called The Pink Kit. It was developed by a group called The Common Knowledge Trust in Nelson, New Zealand. A very good friend recommended it, as she used it for her first home birth after c-section. I have learned so much already from this material that I don't think I could ever recommend it enough. We have already learned how to map our pelvic outlet, to give us an idea of the space the baby has to work with, and so be able to concentrate on positions that will work best for my unique pelvic shape. I have also learned that I have a very flat sacrum, and so will most likely have some degree of back labour with all my births. The important thing about the sacrum and back labour is that last time the midwives had Rob apply counterpressure to relieve the pain, but this actually slowed things down. In the Pink Kit we have learned how to rock the sacrum to help relieve some of the pain for me without hindering the space the baby is trying to make by pushing my sacrum out. One of the skills I am most excited about learning to perfect with Rob is what they call a uterine lift, to help the cervix dilate. One of the reasons for such a long labour last time was how slowly I was dilating, so anything that can be done externally to help with that process is a great help as far as I can see.

While I know that there are many people around us waiting to see us fail again at home birth I am confident with the new knowledge we are gaining, lots of prayer and a lot more preparation, we will be going into this birth much better able to succeed.

If at first you don't succeed . . . learn what lessons you need to and then try again.

The Best Kind of Blessing

Two days before Christmas 2010 Rob and I received the best kind of blessing. We found out that the Lord had blessed us with another baby. Now that I'm officially out of that first trimester I wanted to share that blessing here on the blog.

Having another child is not the only blessing either. We have also been blessed to find a wonderful home birth midwife who will allow us to try a home birth after cesarean (HBAC) which we are very excited about. After the slow labor and complications of Aiden's birth we were not sure if we would be able to find a midwife who would be comfortable with allowing us to home birth so soon after that surgery. We happen to live in an area that is very hostile to normal vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC) and our nearest hospital actually has a ban on such births. It is not only our most local hospital, but all of the five nearest hospitals with maternity services do not allow, or do not encourage a normal birth after a cesarean. This in light of the fact that it is safer to have a VBAC than to have a repeat cesarean. So we are understandably excited that we are being given the opportunity not only to try for a normal birth, but to be able to do so at home.

So far everything has been going well. The first trimester has been trying at times, as I suffer all day nausea and extreme fatigue during my first trimester. Now that I'm entering my second trimester my symptoms are beginning to ease and my energy is slowly returning. Apart from those two particular issues I have to admit that I love being pregnant. It is an amazing thing to know that another human being is growing inside of me.

We also already know that this new baby is going to be such a blessing to their big brother. Aiden is almost 9 months old, and is already showing some of the signs that show he is currently an only child. He is such a sweet child, and we really have been blessed that he is so easy to care for, but there are times when he demands constant attention. This is especially true on a Monday. It is usually impossible for me to do much on a Monday other than play with Aiden. He has had both parents home all weekend to give him unlimited attention, so come Monday morning he doesn't understand why it should be any different. In becoming a big brother he will learn the precious and important lesson that life does not always center on him. He will also eventually have a playmate for those times when Mamma just has to get some chores done. There is going to be about 15 months between these two precious children, so I'm sure they will be great friends as they grow up. There was only 18 months between my big brother and I and as children we were great friends. Rob and his brother also have less than two years between them, and are still very close as friends as well as brothers. How wonderful that Aiden will have that kind of opportunity too.

It truly is a wonderful blessing to trust the Lord with our family, and to be given an opportunity to grow not only our size, but also our hearts.

38 Weeks, Now its all about waiting!

Today sees us 38 weeks pregnant. We turned full term and had our home visit from our midwife last Thursday. After months of being concerned about preterm labor forcing us into a hospital birth I've had a week of knowing that whenever this baby decides to arrive I will be able to stay at home.

As part of our preparation process we had a childbirth class with our midwife, and had a couple of DVD's to watch. This was a wonderful learning process for my darling husband. We then decided as a result of this learning that we are going to try for a water birth at home. The advice of our midwife was to have some trial runs ahead of time. This will then give me positive relaxing memories than I can focus on when it comes to the actual labor. It has also allowed us to figure out how to use our tub in a way that maximises my relaxation ahead of time too. I'm so thankful Rob had the insight to have such a deep tub in the master en-suite.

So far I've had several false starts with contractions. Yesterday they even got to less than five minutes apart for almost an hour before stopping yet again. Then nothing for several hours. It has been this way for almost two weeks, with each time getting just a little more intense than the time before. I know it is just my body gearing up for the real thing, which will happen when the baby is perfectly ready for it to happen. Meanwhile we wait. Wait for labor to start. Wait for our baby to arrive. Wait for our lives to change forever. In waiting we draw closer together and closer to the Lord too.

Update at last

I know I'm a bad blogger. I DO mean to keep this blog up to date and make regular posts, but somehow life seems to get in my way.

I can hardly believe it is April already and weeks since I last wrote anything. I guess the best place to start in catching up is to let you all know how the baby shower was. I really had not been looking forward to it. I had very mixed emotions, partly because in the back of my mind there is still that little voice reminding me that there is still time for something to go wrong with this pregnancy. A couple of hours before the shower I had an emotional meltdown, which my darling husband handled very well and reassured me that everything would be alright in the end.

It was nice to have three other ladies to share the shower with, all of them seemingly as reluctant as me to be fussed over, so everything was kept low key and none of us were put on the spot.


There was a lovely devotion, a few games and of course food.



We were each given a gift basket related to the devotion, which included some handmade items (my favourite)for our babies. I am glad to say I enjoyed it a lot more than I was expecting to. The biggest surprise however was in how generous the ladies in our Church were to each of us.



In this economy, and with four ladies to split the money between I really didn't expect much, but we each got nearly $300 to use for things we need for our babies.



The following day our Sunday School class surprised us with another smaller baby shower, this time with gifts from the registry I had put together at Walmart to remind myself of what we needed. It was a truly unexpected blessing that has greatly helped us with bedding and clothing along with some other items.




The last month has been a busy time with much of my energy focused on nesting and preparing for the arrival of our baby. I am glad to say we are now almost ready. We got the nursery set up a few weeks ago, and the only thing missing from there now is a chair for nursing. The chair will be the last major item we have left to get.




We were also blessed this past week with the gift of a cradle for our family room. It is a beautiful wooden cradle given to us by a friend who used it for her teenage sons when they were born. She though we might have to replace the bedding as it was very discoloured from many years in the attic. However after stain treating it and washing it with a cup of bleach it all came out as good as new and is now set up in the corner next to me as I type. (Sorry I haven't got around to taking a photo of this yet.)

Rob and I have also had some illness. I started off with an ear infection in my left ear that was so painful Rob took me to the doctor's office to have it looked at. I was given antibiotic ear drops to clear it up, but just as it was getting better it spread to my right ear. At the same time both Rob and I came down with a head cold, which we both think we probably picked up at the doctor's office. Being infected and congested at the same time I have developed hearing loss in my right ear, which still has not completely healed. Usually congestion related hearing loss corrects itself in a few days for me, but I am now in my second week like this and it is still showing no sign of leaving. I am praying both the ear and the congestion will clear up soon, as I wouldn't like to be approaching labour still feeling like this.

Now that most of our preparations are done for the baby's arrival I am finally looking forward to that day, whenever it may be. I will be full-term on May 6 and could deliver any time between then and June 10. That's five weeks of potential labour starting at any time. I know statistically first babies are generally 5-7 days past the estimated due date. This particular baby has already tried to engage three times, eventually coming back up a little, much to my physical relief, as it isn't very comfortable for the baby to be that low down. I have thought for a few weeks now that this little one might come a little early, especially when they seem so eager to get out already, but I know that this baby will be born when they are good and ready and not a day sooner or later.

Anyway I need to end for now as I've still too much to do in preparation for Easter tomorrow.

Baby Showers and Belly Rubs

Today I reached 27 weeks on the 40 week journey that is pregnancy, so today I'm indulging in some baby blogging.

The last few weeks have seen an increase in the frequency of the "are you excited yet?" question from gushing females. All of them react with complete surprise when finding out that I am not yet at the "excited" stage of this pregnancy.

I am by nature more pragmatic than excitable. At this point all I can see is the most enormous to do list lurking before me. I have too many constraints getting in the way of that list to leave any room for excitement.

At the same time I do acknowledge that I have chosen to live in a culture that loves to gush and get emotional over everything. Therefore I am the one who needs to make the adjustment and align myself with the cultural norm I live in. This brings me to the title of my post.

Firstly I'll mention the "belly rubs." While I have started to rub my belly when alone with the baby I was not prepared for other people to walk up to me for the sole purpose of rubbing my pregnant belly. I'm not sure what it is about pregnancy that makes my body public property, but around here that certainly seems to be the case. My baby bump seems to be open access to all and any hands that want to give it a rub. I know that it is a display of affection, so I try not to squirm when it happens. I guess Scots just have a bigger personal space barrier than Americans.

The other big cultural difference for me right now is the "Baby Shower." We don't have these parties back home in Scotland. Babies are celebrated once they have safely arrived. It is in fact seen as "bad luck" to do too much before the arrival is out of the way. One of the ways this can be seen is that the baby's pram (baby carriage) is not fully paid for and brought home until after the baby is born. I guess you could express it as not counting our chickens before the eggs hatch. Here the ladies love to celebrate the pending arrival of the new baby by throwing baby showers for the mom. In many cases it helps the parents-to-be by providing some of the items they need for the new baby. In that regard I can understand how it has become increasingly popular and even essential to many new mothers.

Our church is throwing a baby shower for four of us mothers-to-be on March 6. Because there are four of us all due within weeks of each other it is a joint shower. And because it is a joint shower it is not going to be a gift shower. Instead those attending are giving monetary gifts that will then be split between us four ladies to help us towards things we need for our babies. So they are calling it a "Towards Shower." I'm glad that I won't be the only mother-to-be, as then I won't be the centre of attention, and won't be the only one having their belly rubbed.

It is going to be an afternoon of trying to find a good balance. I am aware that several of the ladies involved have so far been unable to get or stay pregnant. They would give anything to be in my position and be the centre of a baby shower. Still they will come along and celebrate other women's pregnancies and the new lives that grow within us. Yet at the same time I'm going to have to deal with all those hands trying to touch my belly, and fussing over me, and expecting me to be all gushing and excited. That is not going to be all that easy, when I'm uncomfortable from the baby's head wedged into my pelvis, and lacking sleep from constant movement and kicking.

So 8 days and another milestone will be reached, and the baby shower will be over.

Down to double figures

Today I got down to only double figures until our due date. 99 days to go until May 27. I'd love to say I'm getting excited at the arrival of this baby. Instead I just keep thinking about all the things we still have to do and still have to buy. We do have a bit of plan to tackle both of these lists.

Firstly we have a date for when we can start at the very latest on preparing the nursery, guest room and birth room (our bedroom). Our "boys" will be moving out by April 17 at the very latest, which is a Saturday. We plan to empty the two rooms that day and shampoo the carpets. Then I can work on washing all the windows, baseboards, doors etc before we start putting furniture back into the rooms. Rob thinks we may have to touch up paint as well, which he can do while I clean. However this all has to be done in only two weekends so that it is ready in time for our midwife's home visit at week 36.

Then there are all the things we still have to buy. We are committed to spend as little money as possible for the arrival of this baby, but we are still looking at about $1500 for EVERYTHING. We are going to focus on just the basics, but as I've been listing it all in a baby registry to keep myself organised I got a shock when I totaled the cost of it all. Fortunately most of it is a one time expense we won't have to repeat for any future babies. Any future babies should only cost a few hundred dollars, as everything we will have will be gender neutral and therefore able to be reused again and again. Even the diapers (nappies) will get reused as we have stocked up on cloth along with one size covers. As soon as our tax refund money comes through we can get shopping for everything in plenty of time before our due date.

At this point I have to give some recognition to my wonderful mum. Even though she is 5000 miles away in Scotland, she has been an amazing blessing to us as we prepare to become parents. My mum & dad bought our crib for us, along with a very good mattress. My mum has also been buying up all the gender neutral clothing for 0-3 & 3-6 months that she has been able to find. She is also having a baby shawl made especially for us. As my parents are coming over two days before our due date we decided it will be easier and cheaper for my mum to just bring all the baby things with her in a spare suitcase. She did offer to sent it over before hand, but since she'll be here I thought it would be easier for her to just bring it.

I have been a little surprised at how difficult it has been to find baby clothes that are truly gender neutral. Even the neutral colours tend to be embellished with butterflies and flowers, turning them into girl clothes. The baby clothes market here seems to reflect the current obsession with everyone finding out the gender to their babies as early as possible. Every time we are asked if we know what we are having, and we reply "a baby" we are responded to with surprise. Older people like that we are doing things "the old fashioned way" while younger people always ask about how we will deal with a baby shower if we don't have a definite gender. Since we are not planning or aware of any baby shower for our baby this is definitely not an issue for us.

One thing I do have completed early. I have everything together for the birth kit. It was something I could work on that didn't require a lot of storage space, and that was necessary for our 36 week home visit. It was good to be able to focus on completing something towards the baby's arrival, to have an item marked off the very extensive to do list. It is also a comfort to know that whenever I do go into labour we have all the supplies we need for the actual birth. Even if the baby comes a little early we are prepared enough for that first day. Right now the only things that would be considered essential if the baby were to arrive a little early would be crib bedding and a car seat, which if need be Rob could always just run out to get after the birth if we don't have them by that time. But as we are planning on doing our big baby shop by the end of April that shouldn't be a problem.

Hopefully my next post won't be so full of baby thoughts.

Pregnancy Brain Strikes!

I'm such a bad blogger. I vowed at the start of the year to blog more regularly and already I'm failing miserably. My head is turning into mush. I used to think that pregnant women exaggerated about loosing their minds, but now I know its turn because it is happening to me. The desk in our bedroom has stacks of paper with sticky notes attached to remind me what I need to do with them and when. My wonderful husband has to constantly remind me to complete tasks, or I don't get them done. If I don't do it right away then I forget and it doesn't get done. Yet I have an amazing ability to remember everything I've been learning about childbirth and caring for a new born. My pregnancy brain is filtering out EVERYTHING that isn't baby related.

It is hard to believe that we've made it to six months already. In many ways this pregnancy is going by faster than I though it would. I feel like we have too much still to do and buy before we'll be ready for this Little One to make their first appearance. We have a crib (thanks Mum & Dad!), cloth diapers (nappies) with snappis and covers and a couple of newborn sized onesies. It is a start, but we have so much left to get. We must have the car seat fitted in time for our home visit from the midwife at 36 weeks. We also need to have everything for the birth kit by then too. I've got most of the birth kit together, just a 4oz bottle of olive oil to go.

We are now in the process of working with the school and church to find new homes for our Bahamian students. They have spring break the week after Easter, which will also be a week before our deadline for them to move, so it would be ideal if they could move to their new families during spring break week. That way they could get resettled without having to be in class everyday. We spoke to the boys last week to let them know what would be happening and that our decision was purely because of the baby coming. We continue to pray that the right family for each boy will come forward to take them on, not just for the rest of the school year, but also for the next 2 & 3 years until they graduate high school.

I have been keen to get started nesting, but we can't get the nursery ready until we have moved the boys. It will also be nice to get the guest room ready for my parents arrival in May. It will be so good to have my Mum around for a few weeks around the time of the baby's birth.

At church we are up to six babies being due this coming summer. There is another mom due in May, two more in June and another two in July. There are also several ladies that have so far been unable to conceive and it is my prayer that these ladies will be able to join in our baby boom for 2010. It will be great to have so many other babies around our Little One, especially in a church that has so many retired people. It is like a new lease of life being breathed through the whole place as all the women show excitement at the prospect of so many babies.

With only 15 more weeks to go, I know this pregnancy is going to be over before I realise. I am trying to enjoy each moment, and this second trimester has certainly been very enjoyable. It is closing with my belly continuing to grow and my movement becoming slower and clumsier. I know that is only going to continue as the weeks go by, so enjoying every moment is definitely a must for me.

We've got a Tiger in there.

Yesterday was my scheduled prenatal appointment with our midwife. At 20 weeks and 4 days it was time to try and listen to the baby's heart beat with the fetoscope. Just before we checked on the heart beat I was asked if I had been feeling any movement. Our midwife was surprised when I said that not only was I feeling lots of movement, but that Rob has been able to feel the baby several times too. Then she listened for the heart beat. It was a good strong heart beat that she found straight away. Then she gave the fetoscope to her assistant to listen with. The assistant made one vital mistake. She pressed down a bit too hard for the baby's liking. At the exact moment she put her ear down to listen the baby gave a big strong kick, right where the fetoscope was pressed down. The poor lady jumped at the unexpected loud noise that resulted from the kick. They both then joked that we have a bit of a tiger in there. I did then mention that the baby doesn't like being prodded. I can always be guaranteed a few kicks or punches if I prod my belly, or bend over a bit too much.

I have also discovered the delight of afternoon naps. I had naps Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I haven't napped in the afternoon since I was a toddler, but I am understanding why they are so universal. Having to get up multiple times during the night, and getting up for breakfast between 4am and 5am most mornings, I was beginning to get a little sleep deprived. Now adding in a nap is allowing me to make through until bed time without loosing my mind. It makes me glad that I have the wonderful privilege of staying at home. I don't know how I would cope if I was trying to work full-time outside the home while adjusting to this new sleep pattern.

It is wonderful to know that this is all part of God's wonderful design. At just over the half way point of this pregnancy my sleep routine is already being prepared for after the birth. I'll be used to sleeping in small increments and will be used to taking naps during the day to top up the amount of sleep I get. I am so in awe of the wonderful way that everything is designed to work perfectly and in an orderly way, so that it doesn't come as a sudden shock to my system when the baby is safely here.

Sleep, food and turning into my husband!

For a couple of weeks now my darling husband and I have been commenting on how this baby seems to be a clone of him. I jokingly refer to the baby as "His" child rather than "Our" child.

For the last four weeks I've been getting up at about 4am every morning. This morning I woke up at 2:14am and never managed to get back to sleep. After visiting the bathroom I become very hungry, too hungry to ignore. Thus I have to get up and eat. Then it is time for the baby to start their morning exercise routine. My beloved is enjoying the change to my morning routine. He has always been a morning person, and he gladly gets up with me and cooks me breakfast.

But breakfast is only the start of what has become an eating frenzy. No matter what I eat it never seems to be enough. Every hour or so I get so ravenous it feels like I haven't eaten in a week. All day long I go from one snack to the next. I have always been a three square meals a day kind of girl. While my darling is a grazer. He actually thinks it is amusing that I've started eating like he does every day.

And so this baby is turning me into my husband. I wake up in the middle of the night. I eat all day long. I am ready to go to bed as soon as the sun sets. So my beloved gets amused and I have a new routine I need to get used to.

Unplanned break is over.

I didn't plan to take a break from blogging, but it has done me some good. The last month of school before the Christmas break was a very busy time for our entire household. Rob was working crazy hours at work trying to meet all the pre-Christmas deadlines. The boys had a week of exams at the end of the semester. There seemed to be activities at Church almost every day. I had a few health issues that got me a little too stressed, and had a major shift in my sleep pattern.

Then the boys went home to the Bahamas for the Christmas break, and Rob had almost two weeks of vacation from work. We both spent the time resting, hanging out together, visiting family and friends and generally enjoying each others company. We wanted to enjoy our last Christmas as just the two of us. It was a refreshing break from the frantic pace of the last four months.

At almost the half way point in our pregnancy we finally started planning for the baby's arrival. We got some Target gift cards as Christmas presents, so we did our first baby shopping. We bought 4 dozen cloth prefold diapers and a couple of newborn sized gender neutral outfits. A couple of days later we made our first venture into BabiesRUs, where we looked for a crib and purchased some waterproof covers for the diapers. I'm feeling a lot more calm now that we have a few of the basics.

The pregnancy is going well. About three weeks ago I had some very light spotting. I did get a little scared, but it was just a few hours before my scheduled prenatal appointment. Rob came home from work to come to the appointment with me. Just having him there helped to calm me. Our wonderful midwife was very reassuring. She checked the heartbeat, which was good and strong. The spotting stopped the following day, and then a couple of days later the midwife called to say my labs had come back that I had a UTI. She gave me a choice of going to a doctor for antibiotics or trying cranberry pills. I discussed it with Rob and we agreed to try the cranberry first. I'll find out after my next prenatal appointment in a week if the infection has gone, meanwhile I'll keep taking the cranberries and lots of fluids.

I've been feeling the baby move since half way through the 16th week. At first it was just internal twitching, but after two weeks it became much more distinct movement. At that point Rob was able to occasionally feel the movements. The baby has also developed their father's sleep pattern. I am now waking up about 4am every morning with a very active baby and the strongest hunger pangs I've ever felt. Rob is enjoying having company again for breakfast. As a natural night-owl I didn't enjoy this change of routine much the first week. Three weeks later I'm finding that my day is much more productive when the chores are done immediately after Rob leaves for work. This morning the weekly laundry was already half done by the time I'd done the morning school run.

I've also been enjoying more stable emotions the last few weeks. The worst of the pregnancy hormone roller coaster seems to be behind me, and I'm back to my normal positive self. With this in mind I have made the decision that 2010 is going to be a less stressful, more positive year than 2009. The success of this is going to be entirely my choice in how I respond to what happens around me. I'll also be trying to blog more regularly. The plan for now will be three times a week, probably Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, as those are my at home days.

So that's the latest here and I look forward to sharing 2010 with you all.

Pregnancy Ponderings

I've been meaning to blog for over a week. My only excuse is that between looking after the boys, constant nausea and feeling exhausted all the time, I've struggled to find the time.

Right now my home is being neglected terribly. Our stairs desperately need vacumed, but it is too heavy right now for me to risk, so I am waiting for my darling husband to do that for me. He has already had to take on the greater share of cooking too. The smell of anything cooking is making my nausea much worse. I have to go upstairs away from the smells while Rob cooks. The boys are now responsible for their own breakfasts, and since I stopped cooking breakfast every day they hardly ever eat before school. I still fix their packed (sack) lunches, as everything is cold and so doesn't have strong smells. I'm already almost nine weeks, so hopefully I'll be back in the kitchen in another three or four weeks.

I know that feeling this nauseous is a good thing. It is a sign that the baby is strong and healthy and producing lots of hormones for me to react to. I have however had to make the move into maternity clothes already. I think that is mostly because I only had a month or so between pregnancies, so my body picked up where it left off, rather than going back to the beginning again. I am barely eating, but I continue to gain a little under a pound a week, and my waist has disappeared, so that none of my skirts fit me anymore.

Rob and I have talked about the possibility of twins, due to the speed at which I've outgrown my clothes. It is a possibility, but one we will deal with if it happens. For now we have decided to wait. I have an appointment with my midwife today so I'll be asking her advice. Yesterday we talked about waiting even to listen to the heart beat. We decided we don't even want to use the Doppler unless the midwife thinks it is necessary. Instead we are going to try and wait until she can hear it manually, at about 20 weeks. Unless there are signs of a problem we have decided to not poke or prod this baby. The Lord is knitting this baby together in a secret place on purpose, and it isn't our place to sneak a peak before the baby is ready to be seen.

Our child is in God's hands, and that is the safest place to be.

Baby News

We are expecting a baby again.

We are seven weeks today. We had planned on keeping the news under wraps until Thanksgiving. But someone at Church guessed and announced it rather loudly in front of other people, so we had a mad dash to tell our parents and our boys before it got too widespread.

In hindsight it is probably a good thing that the news leaked out, as lots of people are praying this baby makes it through the whole nine months. I can feel the prayers, as the more people pray the sicker I get. I'm having really bad morning, noon and night sickness. I may feel terrible, but we are praising the Lord, as we know it is a good sign that the baby is strong and healthy. Please keep us in your prayers, that the baby will arrive safely in May and that I will be able to cope with the sickness and exhaustion of this stage of pregnancy.

I have my first appointment with our midwife on Wednesday. She was so excited for us when I called to make the appointment. She actually screamed with excitement when she got the phone call. It is so wonderful to feel like she is more of a close friend, who is as excited as us about the baby.

At the moment we have agreed not to have ultrasounds unless medically necessary, but I'm beginning to think that having one about week 12 to check the baby is developing as it might put my mind more at ease. Rob wants to wait until we can check the heart beat with the Doppler, but that may take until week 14 or after. I have a great peace about this pregnancy and more of a calmness than the last time. I know I can probably wait without the ultrasound, but I've still a few weeks before I need to decide for sure.

Miscarriage Details

Having just gone through a complicated miscarriage during weeks 12 & 13 of pregnancy I wanted to record the experience. The most difficult part of the process was not knowing what to expect, and not knowing if what was happening to my body was normal. While I know that every miscarriage is different, I felt that describing what happened to me might help someone else faced with this terrible situation.

Be warned this account is purposefully explicit. It was the lack of concrete details in my internet searches that made it difficult to know what to expect. Do NOT continue reading if you are not emotionally prepared for the detailed description.
Thank you for taking the time to read and share in our journey.

I started with a missed miscarriage. I was 11 weeks and 3 days when I noticed some mucus slightly tinged with pink blood after using the bathroom. I thought enough of it to be concerned enough to tell my husband and to stay off my feet for the rest of the day. The following day there was a tiny amount of brown spotting after being intimate with my husband, but no discomfort and no continued spotting. I mostly stayed off my feet the next day as a precaution. A day after that (11weeks & 6days) there was another little show of brown spotting during the day, but then as I got ready for bed I noticed a tiny amount of fresh red blood when I used the bathroom. I was concerned enough now to contact our midwife. After speaking to her for a few minutes she suggested we listen for the heartbeat with the Doppler. We drove to her as she only lives a few minutes drive from us and it was 10:30pm. She couldn’t find a heartbeat, but was not too concerned, as from her vast experience this was not completely unusual. Sometimes the heartbeat won’t be heard until 13 weeks with the Doppler. However as I was having slight bleeding she suggested an ultrasound for our own peace of mind.

We went for the ultrasound the next morning, at which point I was 12 weeks exactly. The midwife had asked for a “wet reading” which meant they would send the results to her immediately. We were taken back to the waiting room, then a few minutes later told we could leave and to call our midwife for the results. We decided to drive home before calling our midwife. We were about halfway when she called us. The results were not good. There was no sign of a heartbeat and the baby’s growth indicated that it had stopped growing at 9 weeks and 3 days. We were advised to prepare for the miscarriage to start. This was on the Friday afternoon. Our midwife did say that if nothing had started happening by Monday we needed to go into her office to discuss our options.

I started cramping that evening. It was just mild cramping, accompanied by the passing of small blood clots. This continued throughout the night, leaving me with very little sleep. This continued on and off all through the day. It was uncomfortable but not truly painful. It eased off late Saturday evening, allowing me to get a little more sleep than the night before. The next day the cramps eased off for a while, and then returned stronger, with increased bleeding. That evening the cramping had definitely become painful. The blood clots also increased in size. As the evening progressed so did the miscarriage. The cramps had become contractions, and steadily increased until they were only a few minutes apart. Just before midnight I finally passed the placenta, and just after that the contractions stopped. Thankfully I was able to get a full night of sleep. With no pain or cramps returning, and with an end of bleeding I thought the miscarriage was over. I spoke briefly with our midwife that morning, and she seemed satisfied from my description that we were indeed finished miscarrying.

Just after lunch, about twelve hours after the pain ceased, the cramps returned. They were immediately back to the intensity of the night before. I went to bed to try and get some sleep, but I was in too much pain. I finally called my husband, who had gone to work that day, to ask him to bring more pain killers home as the pain had returned. I dosed a while during the contractions, and within a few hours my husband was home. He didn’t feel right about me being home alone in my condition, and so had come home early. My contractions continued to increase in intensity and frequency. After five hours I could barely cope with the pain. My husband phoned the midwife and in less than 15 minutes she was at our house. She confirmed that I was in full blown labour, something that can happen when a miscarriage happens this far into a pregnancy. Knowing that was somehow comforting, despite the pain I was in. I was however becoming very tired from the almost constant pain, lack of sleep and lack of food. I was helped back to bed by my husband, where I continued to labour, mostly curled up on my side. Both my husband and the midwife kept up the conversation while I tried to breathe through the pain. By now each contraction was bringing with it a gush of blood, not all of it clotted either. I tried joining the conversation when I was not contracting, and after eight hours of full labour the contractions, pain and frequency began to reduce, giving me some much needed rest, but as the midwife was sure the miscarriage was not yet over, it was not good news. Another two hours and the contractions had once again stopped. This time however the bleeding continued.

The next morning our midwife made an appointment for us to return for a follow up ultrasound. There it was confirmed that the miscarriage was incomplete. From the report that was sent to the midwife it appeared that there was only a small amount of fetal tissue left inside my womb, and that it was sitting just inside my cervix. The midwife did not think it was very likely that I would finish the miscarriage naturally, and recommended that I have a D&C to reduce the risks of further complications. She gave us the choice between going to the local ER, or arranging to see a doctor she had worked with previously. We opted for the doctor she knew, but after trying to contact him for a few hours, she called us back to say it would be the next day at the earliest before she would be able to even speak to him. So we decided to visit the ER instead of waiting yet another day.

The staff at the hospital were all very polite, and we were seen within 20 minutes of arriving. The duty doctor asked if we had an OB-GYN, and when we told him we only had a midwife he seemed to think this would make the whole process easier, as he could just contact the on-call OB. We were left in a room by ourselves while he spoke to the OB, and returned to inform us that she would see us in her own offices the next morning. I then had some blood taken before I was discharged, so they could do a blood count. Once the results of the blood test came back I was discharged with instructions to call the OB office to make an appointment for the next morning. As soon as we left the parking lot I called the OB’s office to make the appointment, which was scheduled for 11:30 the following morning. We went home thinking the whole thing would be over the next day.

At the OB’s office we had to fill in all the registration paperwork and were then left sitting in the waiting room for what seemed like forever, but in reality was about 45minutes. We were then taken to a consultation room where I was given instructions to prepare for the doctor, and we were again left alone. Another ten minutes and the doctor finally arrived. She did an internal pelvic exam (my first ever one) and then confirmed that I did indeed have an incomplete miscarriage. She then gave us the option of waiting longer to see if it would complete on its own, and as such we could set any given date to follow up. Anxious to now get this over with and disappointed that I was once again going to have to wait longer we informed her we wanted it over with as soon as possible. She then contacted the hospital to schedule an operating room for the next morning. We went home a little deflated, as we were both under the impression that the D&C was going to be performed on that first doctor visit.

I went through pre-admitting by telephone that afternoon and given all my instructions for preparing for the surgery. My check in time was 6am, as I was scheduled for surgery early on in the day. Again all the staff at the hospital were very professional and compassionate. Several of them tried to be encouraging saying that once this was over we would soon be able to try again for another child. The biggest complication for the surgery was that I had to be treated as a “full stomach” by the anaesthetist as I was over 12 weeks pregnant. This meant I had to have a breathing tube while I was under the anaesthetic. Fortunately I have no recollection of this, but I was left with a sore throat afterwards. Also because I was given a general anaesthetic I have no recollection of the procedure. The OB did speak to my husband after the surgery, but I did not see her again. She did mention that there was a lot more fetal/placental material removed that she was expecting. It would seem that the ultrasound had not shown the extent of how little I had miscarried on my own.

After I was taken back to recovery I was not allowed to leave until I had successfully used the bathroom. I was told I needed to rest for a few days, and was given two prescriptions. One was to prevent excessive bleeding from my womb, and the other was an antibiotic. I was also given instructions to make a follow up appointment with the doctor for two weeks after the surgery to make sure I was healing correctly.

In hindsight I am glad was made the decisions we did. I am also glad we pushed for a quick surgery considering how much tissue was still inside me. We learned a lot about how the US healthcare system works, and that in future I need to be much more forceful in asking questions if I ever end up in the system again. For both my husband and I the greatest frustration was the lack of information we were given, and that nothing was ever explained to us in advance. At the same time our midwife was truly amazing, showing great care and following up with us at every stage of the process. Even our midwife was surprised at how long it took once we hit the system. I do know that if we get pregnant again we will definitely be using the midwife for all our prenatal care, and delivery.

Bye bye Mordecai

Sorry I haven't updated earlier. But it hasn't been an easy weekend.

We went for the ultrasound on Friday, and the results were sent straight to our midwife. All we were told was that we needed to give her a call. So we decided we would drive home first and then call our midwife. A few minutes later as Rob was driving she called us. It was not good news. They couldn't find any sign of a heartbeat, and from size our wonderful baby had stopped growing just over two weeks earlier. We had what is termed as a missed miscarriage. Our midwife said to go home and wait a few days to see if the miscarriage would complete on it's own. If nothing had happened by Monday we would discuss the alternatives.

We had lunch and then I suggested to Rob that he went back to work. It seemed pointless for us both to be waiting around in a somber mood. I called my mum in Scotland after Rob left and had a really good chat with her about it. We called Rob's mum on Friday evening to let her know as well.

Late Friday the cramping started, showing that my body was trying to complete the miscarriage on its own. Just before midnight last night (Sunday) it was finally over. It has not been the most fun weekend in my life, but I am glad my body was able to do this by itself, so that I don't have to go near a hospital. We are also rejoicing in the fact that Mordecai is with the LORD in heaven, and we will one day get to meet him. Although we only had Mordecai with us for ten short weeks we do very much love him and will never forget him.

Thank you to every one who has kept us in their prayers since Friday. We both have really felt sustained by God, and although we are sad we can also rejoice at the same time.

Dedicated to
Mordecai Conrad, born Sunday July 19th at 10 weeks gestation.

Latest news

Time seems to fly by most days. That's probably because my days are still starting later and ending sooner than they used to. I did think I was coming out of the first trimester fog last week, but I was wrong. Last Thursday I had a spurt of energy, so went crazy catching up with all those neglected chores. I finally felt like my house was completely clean for the first time in weeks. I even had the energy to bake some cupcakes for my darling husband.

Then by Sunday my body decided it had enough of the activity. I started spotting, and got a little worried. So Sunday afternoon was spent off my feet, and the kitchen looked like a bomb site as a result. My beloved tried really hard to look after me, but he doesn't have the eye for cleaning that I do. So on Monday after he left for work I started cleaning again. The result was a clean kitchen, but a return of some more light spotting. Realising that sometimes I just have to give in to my body's demands I've been trying to stay off my feet ever since. I did get another maternity dress made, which is good, but I also have a large pile of clothes needing ironed before being put away. Since I've had some minor cramping today the clothes will have to wait until tomorrow.

Being the avid reader and researcher that I am I decided to go online and find out if this latest development in my pregnancy is anything to be concerned about, or if I needed to contact my midwife. Since I am in my twelfth week and almost at the end of the first trimester I wanted to find out possible causes for the spotting. I have to say it is very light, and even the cramping today is very minor and feels more like the muscles being stretched. What I did find out is that it can be normal for about 20% of women to experience this in the twelfth week. At this point my womb is beginning to grow beyond the pelvic cavity and so is beginning to press upon other organs. The sudden growth spurt of the womb accounts for the slight spotting in some women, and for others it is the result of a burst cyst that leaks out during this growth spurt. Essentially as long as I don't over do it and it stops in the next few days I should be fine. Our precious baby is growing and the placenta is nearing completion, so my womb is getting very full and needing to grow and stretch to accommodate the life within.

My appreciation for the wonder way our bodies are made continues to grow. It truly is a miracle that another person is growing inside my own body. I am a mother to this precious child and need to do everything I can to protect this new life. Another week or two and all the parts of the baby will be formed, then it is just growing and maturing until this child is ready for life outside the womb.

I am also growing in my understanding of how different the culture is that I am living in to the one I was raised in. Already I am constantly being asked when we will find out about our baby's gender, and get disapproval when we say once it is born. The reason for the disapproval seems to be that it makes it more difficult to organise a baby shower. I also have been asked to let people know once we are registered for baby gifts, again seems to be linked to the baby shower concept. In Scotland we don't have baby showers. We also don't buy baby gifts until the baby has safely arrived. We do give gifts just as much as Americans do. We just wait and give them individually to the parents when we first visit to meet the new child. Back in Scotland we don't even make the final payment or purchase the pram (baby carriage) or stroller until after the baby is born. My husband is one my side on this one. It feels wrong to register for baby things as it feels like asking others to provide for our baby, when that is our responsibility. I am also uncomfortable with the idea of a baby shower before the baby is born. Why not wait until after the baby is here, as there are still so many different things that could go wrong between now and the birth.

I know we've still got six months to figure out how to handle this clash of cultures. At the end though the important thing for us is that this baby arrives healthy, strong and full term. Everything else can be worked out or compromised on. Most of all I am praying that we get through this next week or two without any more issues and we can get on with enjoying the second trimester of this pregnancy.

Happy July 4th

So my wonderful husband gets a three day weekend to celebrate July 4th, and what do we both do? That's right we spend most of the day asleep. Rob has been really busy at work recently, leaving home before 6am and often not returning until after 6pm, so his day off has been used catching up with yard work and sleep.

I was beginning to think I was coming out of the exhausted phase of my pregnancy, and went on Wednesday to help a friend finish packing before she moved on Wednesday evening. I could not have been more wrong. By the time Rob came for me after work I was beyond exhausted, getting dehydrated, and beginning to realise I had pushed myself too hard. We had a very quick dinner before he left to help our friends with the house move. I got an evening home alone to rest. It was the longest evening of my life, as I started to get some pain across my belly, and was home alone. I went to bed to wait for Rob to come home, but couldn't sleep. We decided to see how I felt the next day before doing anything. Thursday I spend most of the day resting on the sofa and reading. It worked in that the pain went away, but even now that it's Friday evening I'm still really tired. Finally my independent "I'm pregnant, not ill" attitude has been tempered with the realisation that I do have more physical limits than before I was pregnant. I'm already a mum, and it's my job to protect and nurture this baby. So I won't be helping with any more house moves for at least the next year.

So back to Independence Day. This will be my first one, and we plan to keep it very low key. The rest of Rob's family are all out of state celebrating with other people. So for this year at least we are not planning anything special. If it stays dry we might go down to the water to watch the fireworks in the evening, but that's about it for us. With our ever busy schedules it will be nice to relax and just spend time together.

So whatever you are doing tomorrow have a wonderful day celebrating this country's birth.

Two months in, some thoughts on our pregnancy

Finally the nausea of the last several weeks is beginning to fade. I am still careful not to overeat, as this is sure to bring back that horrible feeling in my stomach, but I am back to trying to eat a more balanced diet than the last few weeks. I was beginning to dread having to eat, but also knowing I couldn't let my stomach get completely empty either. I've managed a proper breakfast today for the first time in weeks, and so far so good.

I did a closet clearout yesterday, removing all the clothes that no longer fit due to my ever increasing waist. It was discouraging to go into the closet everyday and struggle with what to wear, so it is now all put away in an empty closet, out of sight for the duration of this pregnancy. I am trying to make the rest of my clothes last as long as possible before I make the move into maternity wear. I have been blessed over the last several months with donations of free fabric from a few friends who knew I like to sew. I am planning on making some maternity wear from this fabric, thus having free maternity clothes. I'll be making a few dresses and some tops. One is already completed. Hopefully all I'll have to pay for are a few skirts and maybe a few tops for wearing to church. Living in South Florida where it is summer all year long I am keen to have all cotton clothing, something which would be difficult if I didn't know how to sew.

We've also had a new family start attending our church, and Sunday School class. The wife is four months pregnant with her fourth baby. They have been looking for a church since moving to our area over six months ago. She even used the same midwife as us for her first baby, but all the others have been high risk due to health issues so she's not been able to homebirth since. This current pregnancy is also high risk, and already at four months she is supposed to be on bed rest, not easy when you have three boys of 8, 6 and 2 to look after all day. If anyone has any ideas how she can get more rest during the day please let me know. She has already been a real blessing to me and I look forward to getting to know her better over the coming months.

Already I realise how special this first pregnancy is. I have the opportunity to rest when I need to, even sleep in the daytime if I require it. I don't have to drag myself out of bed after a sleepless night to go to work, or to care for other children. I can enjoy this pregnancy in a way I won't with any others. I can read, sew, relax, write and take an easy pace to life while I am tired. Once this precious baby arrives it won't just be me anymore. Future pregnancies will not be so indulged as this one when there are other children to care for.

I am thankful that I am blessed as I am. I get to stay at home every day. I get to set my own pace to my life right now. I am host to the most amazing miracle on earth, as this new person grows inside my body. I have too many friends who cannot have have any children, yet they all rejoice with us in our joyful news. I am so blessed, and so thankful to be in this position. God truly has been good to me.

Where has my waist gone?

Today I am officially fully eight weeks pregnant. It still mostly feels unreal. I have to remind my self that we really are having a baby. While my mind may be taking a while to catch on to this pregnancy, my body is not. I've already gained eight inches on my waist, so none of my skirts fit anymore. I think that's a difficult one for me to accept so soon. I've always have an hour glass shape with a very small waist, and now it has gone. I knew it would happen, I just never expected it to happen so fast. I am trying to make do with my normal clothes for as long as possible, just leaving the last couple of buttons undone. However at the rate I am currently going I think it may only be a few more weeks before my normal clothes are put away for a year.

I have been very fortunate to not suffer from "morning sickness" and I am very grateful for that. My mum didn't have it with any of us, so that's a good sign. I have however had ever increasing nausea. Just this week it has become a constant companion, making it very difficult for me to eat everything I should be eating. The only foods that are even a little appetising are oranges and cheese. It's not easy keeping an iron rich diet when I have to force myself to eat.

Rob is being a wonderful support. He keeps telling me how beautiful I am to him whenever I feel down about losing my waist. He has also become quite protective, always asking if I've had enough rest, and how I am feeling. He is also keeping me supplied with fresh fruit, bringing some home with him after work if he thinks we're getting too low on supplies.

I have been surprised by the amount of questions we have had since going public last weekend. We were even asked this week if we've picked names yet. The most common question though is when are we going to find out if the baby is a boy or girl. Everyone seems surprised that we plan on waiting until the baby is born. I even want to avoid the ultrasound/sonogram unless our midwife feels it is medically necessary. The less tests and screens we have the better. The Lord knows what he is doing in knitting this person together in the secret of my womb, and I'd rather not interfere with that process. My mum never had an ultrasound with any of us and we were all born completely healthy. Both my brother and sister were complicated births, but I was very straight-forward and the shortest of all my mum's labours too. Part of our decision to homebirth is to limit the amount of interference that doctors here in the USA feel is necessary to justify the huge cost they charge. I am glad that Rob and I discussed all our options before we ever got pregnant, as I am sure it would be much easier for us to be swept along in the system if we had waited until I was already pregnant and being to get emotional.

The other thing I have noticed already, and didn't expect so soon, is "pregnancy brain." I have to really concentrate at times just to get simple tasks completed. I've always been very efficient and easily able to multitask, I am an administrator by nature. Now I have moments were even simple thought processes are beyond me, or I start something then forget what I'm doing. It is frustrating, but sometimes also quite funny, especially when Rob finds me in a lather over something trivial.

Mostly though I am simply in awe of the fact that I have another person growing inside of me right now. It makes me so thankful to be a woman. Even with all the changes happening to my body (and mind)I get to be a part of the most amazing miracle on earth. God is so good in designing us this way, and letting us share in the creation of new life.