New Direction for our family

We’re just a few days back from Hawaii for our anniversary/vacation. At times it is difficult to believe that it has been two years already since I became Rob’s wife. The first year was marked by separation, the second by constant flux. The third year looks like it is also going to be an interesting one. Two weeks ago we agreed to become the host parents to two boys who will be attending our church school this coming academic year.

We knew the school was beginning to take overseas students, and an appeal for host families had been made at the beginning of the summer. At that point we were not in a position to get involved. I was pregnant and due half way through the school year. When a second appeal went out a little under two weeks ago we were again in a position where we could not volunteer. We spoke about possibly volunteering in future years, but I was waiting to find out if we had managed to get pregnant after our miscarriage, and my sister-in-law was due for brain surgery to remove a tumour and I may have been needed back home in Scotland.

Then on Thursday two weeks ago I tested negative for pregnancy. My sister-in-law had responded so well to surgery that she was being released from hospital the next day. That afternoon I got a call from the school. We were being asked directly if we would consider taking one of the students. Rob was at work, and I didn’t want to disturb him, so I asked for time for us to discuss it and we would get back to them. All afternoon I thought and prayed about it. The timing and direct approach cut through my previous reasons for declining. After Rob got home we discussed it and decided that with some more information it would be a definite possibility. We called back and said that our answer was provisionally a yes. During the conversation we were then asked if we would consider taking two students. Someone had pulled out earlier that week leaving two boys without a place to stay. We have two empty bedrooms, and two would be company for each other, so why not.
The first of our new “sons” arrived on the Sunday. He was accompanied by his mum, aunt and uncle. We invited them all back to ours for lunch, as we already had a friend coming over for lunch. We had a great time of fellowship and mum was comforted to know that her “baby” would be living in a good Christian home. We met our other “son” when we got back from vacation.

A bonus of this move is that it forced us to purchase a car. With four of us at home just having the two person pick-up truck was no longer adequate for our needs. On our way to church on the Sunday morning before our vacation we saw a car for sale at the side of the road. It was parked off the road, but not as part of any home. We went back later and looked it over. It was perfect for what we needed and a price we were willing to pay. Rob took it for a test drive Sunday, and after a trip to the bank on Monday the car was ours Monday evening. I’ll be taking my driving test to get my full license in a couple of weeks and finally I’ll be fully mobile. I’ll be on the school run at that point, but it does feel good to know I’ll finally be able to get out on visitation during the day while Rob is at work.

So we had one last week of just the two of us before embarking on the adventure of parenting teenagers. It will be another interesting year for our unconventional journey, but one I am looking forward to with eager anticipation.

The busyness of life

The last few weeks have been busy around here. With the approach of daylight savings time, the start of spring and the increase in temperatures my beloved has been in overdrive for us to get finished with all our house decorating. When I arrived last September our entire house needed to be painted. Although Rob had been living in the house for over a year he was waiting for my arrival to begin painting. Before I ever saw the house I thought it would be a few weeks to complete. When I saw how big the house was I knew it would take much longer, just not this long. We are on the home stretch now, with just our own bedroom to paint. Even the garage got painted before our bedroom. After all the delays we looked forward to completion. Then last week a friend asked me to help look after her toddler for a few days, as he couldn't go to daycare. I happily obliged as I enjoyed a change of pace. Needless to say I didn't make any progress in the decorating in those few days. Rather I got to enjoy seeing my home through the eyes of a young boy, and marvel at what a wonderful playground our home is. Carpeted stairs seemed to be the favourite toy, as both days saw hours spent climbing and playing on the stairs. As I remembered back to my own childhood I believe my brother and I also would spend a lot of time playing on the stairs in our home. No need for expensive toys when there is a house to play in.

Then we also had some terrible news last Friday. My husband and I help in our Church bus ministry. We run one of the bus routes for Sunday mornings. My husband is also the AWANA Commander. That is our Wednesday evening children's ministry. I help in by being director of the younger children (Sparkies.) On Friday night we got a call to let us know that one of the children had suddenly died. He was only 12. He had died in his sleep on Thursday/Friday. This boy was on our Sunday morning route and also one of our AWANA boys. He lived with his father, as his mother had left when he was very young. He had only just got saved three weeks ago, and now he is home with the Lord. The funeral is tonight, at the same time as our AWANA group. His family has very little by this world's standards, and do not know the Lord. Our entire Church are wrapping around this family during this difficult time. The family don't even have any money to pay for the funeral. This boy was not one of the popular children. He could be very difficult to love, but he was still important to God. He is in glory now, but there is a shattered family still here to be ministered to. I cannot even begin to imagine what it must feel like to loose a child, never mind to go through it without the comfort of my faith. Yet we will continue to reach out to this family after the funeral is over and the other visitors have gone. The grief will take a long time to process, but we have a hope to offer this family and so it is our duty to continue reaching out to them in the coming months and years.

This week also sees my first Ladies Fellowship at our Church. I am eager to get started in this ministry, but also a little nervous. I have no idea what the ladies are expecting from me, or what previous fellowships have been like. I am launching this ministry with an afternoon tea, so the next few days are going to be busy with lots of baking. Regardless of the trims and expectations though, the important thing for me is to bring a refocus to our ladies. It is time to stop looking for entertainment and start looking for opportunities to serve. I am going to challenge the ladies with the verses from Titus 2 about the older teaching the younger, and being keepers at home. It is a message that is definitely needed here in Florida, where everyone lives such fragmented and isolated lives. Lord willing the message will begin to impact the women in our Church to make a real difference in each others lives as well as reaching outside ourselves to serve too.

Well it's time to close and get a paint brush back in my hands again.

Who is my neighbour?

In our Church we are part of a Sunday School class of mostly thirtysomethings. The class chose the name "Homebuilders" when it was first formed just over a year ago. It is a class made up of mostly married couples, with a few single parents who don't fit in any other class. We are a very eclectic mix of people, and most were already adults before they were saved. My husband and I are the only non-parents in our class, at the moment. (We are working on rectifying that one.) Yesterday we had a very interesting discussion about the need to be looking out for each other. We have been looking into the life of the early Churches, as found in Acts, and what they can teach us about how we should be living. The sense of community that was found from the very first day after Pentecost is a very stark contrast to what we have here in South Florida in the 21st Century.

I grew up with a model of community that had more in common with the first century Churches, that with my current experience. Everybody knew their neighbours, not just to say "hello," but really knew them. No house was locked up, except if no-one was home. Everyone shared when they had plenty, and when they had little. Celebrations were joined by everyone. Times of mourning were also community events.

I remember my seventh birthday. A few cousins were visiting for the day and their mum had planned to have a small family celebration of my birthday. That didn't happen. Every child who played with us that day, that is every child in the neighbourhood who was at home, joined us for birthday cake. It is one of my favourite birthday memories. No organised party. No mountain of presents. Just a simple cake and a few extra treats, and lots of friends to help celebrate. It was the late seventies in Scotland, nobody had much of anything, yet we were amongst the wealthiest people in the world because we had each other.

My husband and I now live in a small neighbourhood within a "small town" yet we only know our neighbours to say "hello." It is a new neighbourhood, and Rob was the first person to move in, so everyone is new here. Even in our Church it is proving more difficult to build relationships that I first anticipated. Everyone seems to live in their own little world. There is no time for outside relationships. Yet at the same time, these same people can be heard to complain of feeling alone and isolated. Nobody cares about them. Everyone is too busy. Everybody works. I have moved to the most affluent country in the world, yet the people I meet are the poorest I have ever met when it comes to relationships and community.

Then yesterday our class began to discuss this very issue. We cannot be who we are chosen to be as God's children if we are not reaching out and making a community. We need to make time to build relationships. We need to be in each other's lives throughout the week. We need to know what is happening in each other's lives if we are going to truly be a help and blessing. For me this happens through opening our homes. It is in our homes that we build relationships. It is in our homes we establish community. Opening our homes in hospitality is opening ourselves to other souls. Sometimes we minister to them, but often they minister to us.

Who is my neighbour? Who should I be building community with. For me it is everyone that the Lord brings across my path. It is the members of our Sunday School class. It is the neighbour across the street, who has never heard the gospel. It is the friend across the seas I can offer encouragement to. My neighbour is every person it takes to build a community. I am challenged to step further out into the unknown, to show myself as a neighbour and begin building a new sense of community right here where I live right now.

Keeping My Home

It is February already. This is going to be another busy month. This month will also see me celebrate six months of living here in Florida. The first six months has gone by quicker than I could have imagined. The first year of our marriage seemed to last for eternity while we were separated by an ocean. Now we have been living together as husband and wife long enough to become some what settled in our routines.

As I think about the time we have had together I am thankful. I am also aware that I am not yet all the wife and homemaker I should be. For the last few weeks I've been struggling with fatigue. Rob hasn't noticed much difference in my home keeping, but I have. I am aware that there are days when I have to remind myself to rejoice in washing the tile floors. Doing such a chore means I am here with my husband. We have a home for me to clean. I have the mobility to clean. There is much to rejoice in when washing tile floors. It is my joy and privilege to serve my husband by keeping our home.

So how do I get through the days when I find it difficult to find the energy to finish all that needs doing?

My first strategy, no matter how I feel, is that I have a list. My general weekly list is on the refrigerator door. It is split into the five days that Rob normally works, and the work is split between those days. At the bottom I also put the tasks that are done daily. This is only a list of the tasks that are done every week. We have a large home, and this allows me to pace the regular chores across the week, so everything gets done properly and regularly.

My next strategy is to have projects. I currently have several, all requiring different amounts of physical or mental energy. When my regular chores are done for the day I can then pick a project to work on. At present my projects include: priming and painting the downstairs bathroom; sewing a new church dress; cross-stitching a picture for my mother-in-law's birthday in April; restoring an old steamer trunk Rob inherited from his grandfather and completing the illustrations for a book I am writing for my niece's birthday in March. Some of these projects require physical energy. Some require mental focus. Then a few require less of both for when I am really weary.

Along with chores and projects I am learning I have to guard myself from committing to things outside the home. Before I even arrived my husband and I had committed to my volunteering at our Church school's library. I only go one day a week. It is tempting to increase the time I spend there, as it is a big job to reorganise an entire school library. However we both realise that one day a week is all that I should be doing. Ideally I wouldn't even do that, but we made a commitment and we will see it through for this school year. There are so many needs amongst the women in our Church. I am often tempted to take on more commitments than I should in ministering to these women. However I am learning that good is not the same as best. I am instead trying to be of use from my own home. I am willing to serve in any way the Lord requires of me, but look for ways to serve that don't take me from home. This can range from cooking meals for a family when the mother is sick, to counselling a woman in crisis. It can be opening our home in hospitality for overnight guests, or just for a family meal.

I have always believed that it is the wife's place to keep the home. I have spent thousands of hours since I was a teenager learning how to be a better keeper of the home. The theory was never a problem. The reality is more of a battle that I ever thought it would be. It is a battle against laziness. It is a fight against indifference. It is a war against a society that thinks keeping the home is a waste of my gifts and talents. Yet if anyone would ask my husband he would not hesitate in saying that it is worth every fight, battle and war. It is worth it when he comes home to a clean, neat and peaceful haven. It is worth it for dinner to be waiting on him as he walks in through the door at night. It is worth it when he gets to be greeted by a content and peaceful wife who is always happy to see him.

Keeping my home is the best way I can serve my husband. Keeping my home is essential to serving and glorifying my Lord and Saviour. Keeping my home keeps me at peace. Keeping my home helps me to build contentment in my life. Keeping my home is my work and my pleasure. keeping my home is what it means to be Rob's wife.

I am blessed that I can stay at home to keep our home. I don't have to go out into the world every day. I don't have to spend my life surrounded by messages that breed discontentment and unhappiness. I rejoice that I have a husband who understands and enjoys a wife who stays at home.

Praise God that His ways are always best.

Free to Serve

Choosing to stay at home has freed me to serve. In the last 24 hours that has become abundantly clear to me. A women in our Church is ill right now, with five children and a husband to look after. I am free to help her because I stay at home. Another family has been ill and their toddler can't go to daycare because of the illness. I am free to help them because I stay at home. Our church has several missionary families all visiting this coming week for our annual missions conference. We can host a family because I stay at home.

We live in a world where our families are fragmented. In previous generations it was our extended family who helped in times of crisis or illness. As women we turned to our mothers, grandmothers, aunts, sisters and cousins when we needed help or advice. Who do we turn to when those very women are hundreds or thousands of miles away. My family are several thousand miles away and my husband's family are scattered across several states, with his closest relatives hundreds of miles away from us. Our situation is very common where we live in South Florida. Most families have few, if any relatives living in the same State. The women who are at home and available during the working week are usually either elderly, or they have young children of their own to care for. For the working women with children there is noone to turn to for help. Then there is me. I stay at home, making me free to help.

It is a great blessing to know I have a freedom few others choose. The sacrifices we make as a family for me to stay at home are more than repaid by the blessings of service. There has been noone in our Church recently with the time and the burden for our ladies ministry, and so it has been neglected. I am free to serve. I am excited about the opportunity to regrow this vital ministry in an atmosphere where women are feeling overwhelmed and discouraged. I have time to give. I have love to give. I have experience to share. There is a gap in our wall and I can fill it. I know I will be blessed so much more than I can ever bless others. It is an priviledge to serve. It is an honour to serve. It is my calling to serve.

There are many topics that are burdens in my heart, and over the coming months I will share and explore each of them. Right now my priority burden is service. It is when we freely, willingly, gladly serve that we can impact the world around us. There are plenty willing to teach and to lead, but where are the servants? The one woman who had the single biggest impact in my life and faith was a servant.

Mrs Gray was a quiet, little, older lady in the Church I grew up in. From a young age I watched her quietly serve with no thought for herself. She had learned to serve from an early age. She had worked in a factory during the Second World War, where she lost part of a finger. She never made an issue of it. I only know because as a teenager I asked her what had happened to her hand. When I knew her she was already retired and a widow of many years. Her hands where crippled by arthritis. Still she quietly served. In my mind she was always in the Church kitchen. No matter the occassion Mrs Gray would be in the kitchen with a large kettle on the stove. She was always ready with a pot of tea and a listening ear. She discovered I had a love for cross-stitch and embroidery. It was a hobby she had loved too when she was younger. The arthritis in her hands meant she could no longer do such delicate fine work. The next time I saw her she had a large tin of threads for me. It was her lifetime collection. Without a second thought she gave it to me, a loud chatty teenager. In the midst of the turmoil of my teen years Mrs Gray was always there. She always had time to listen, and quiet wisdom to pour gently over me. Then one day the Lord called her home. It was a glorious day for her, but a sad day for our Church. We suddenly became aware of how important one quiet little servant could be. There was noone to replace Mrs Gray in the kitchen. Noone else wanted to serve the way she did. I don't recall that she was ever thanked publicly in our Church, until her funeral. It was too late then. Until the day I left that Church in my mid twenties, to move to another part of the country, noone had stepped in to replace Mrs Gray. There was not a single person in the Church willing to humble themselves to serve without thanks. We all had excuses, including me. I was busy with University, then going overseas as a short-term missionary, then when I returned I had to start a career. I saw the gap, but didn't think it was my place to fill. I was too young, too busy, too selfish.

It has been over ten years since I left that Church and began moving around the country on a regular basis. Finally I have stopped moving around and began to put down roots. I am part of a much bigger Church than the one I grew up in. Yet the need for those quiet little servants is just the same. I am called to be a servant. We all are. How we serve is unique to each one of us. For me, I want to serve like Mrs Gray did. I want to hear that "Well done, good and faithful servant." when I get to glory, just like she did. As a woman, as a wife, as a member of my Church, I have been given an incredible gift. I have been given the freedom to serve. I will never be just like Mrs Gray, but I can be just exactly like me. I am first and foremost, a servant of Jesus Christ. All I do should be in service first to Him, in reverence and humility.

May we each find the places where we are called to serve.