Motherhood and Feminism

I'm taking a break from my staying home series. I will get back to it soon, but for today I wanted to ponder something else.

I recently got a copy of The Way Home by Mary Pride. While I have found it a great encouragement and confirmation that choosing to be a wife and mother is my calling at this stage of my life. I waited a long time to be blessed with this stage, living until the age of 35 as a single woman.

It also has got me thinking at the same time. It has focused much of my previously rambling thoughts about how much our lives and culture are shaped and influenced. Even amongst those who claim the name of Jesus Christ, and who give voice to seeking to live according to God's will there seems to be more of this world than of God influencing life choices.

Before I go further I will openly admit that I am NOT perfect. I haven't got it all figured it. Part of the reason I am writing this post is because I am working on this in my own mind and life right now. Most of my time and energy is poured into my children, as it should be with little ones, and this blog is my creative outlet that helps to keep me from being totally absorbed by the world of toddlers and babies. It is also the creative outlet that prevents me from talking the ears off my wonderful husband every night because I need to express to process.

The Way Home looks at how feminism has undermined biblical womanhood. It doesn't surprise me either. I can remember the conversation I had with the career advisor when I was a teenager. I was asked the question of what I wanted to do when I grew up. My answer did not compute. I said that I wanted to get married and have children. I was asked several times and I always gave the same answer. I was told each time that I must want to be something else, as just being a wife and a mother was such a waste of my talents and abilities. This was about the same time as Mary Pride's book was first published.

I didn't really understand what feminism was back then. All I knew was that what I really wanted to do with my life was to be a wife and a mother. I had always known that was what I wanted to do, what I was created to do. I guess that is part of the reason why I could never make up my mind what kind of career to have. Even after college once I entered the working world I could never settle down to one particular profession. So every few years I would try something new. Yet everything I did do helped to prepare me for the job I will have for the rest of my life. No matter what else happens I will be my husband's wife and my children's mother.

I feel so blessed to be in the position I am in. It was not so long ago that I was trying to accept that I may never be a mother to my own children. As I type this I have two incredible little boys asleep in their cribs for nap time.

Still I come back to how far even the Church has strayed from God's plan for families. Every time people find out that we want more children they act surprised. We already have two, isn't that enough. And this is from the very people we worship beside on Sunday mornings. When people find out that I stay home and we choose to live on a single income we are told that we are very lucky. We are not lucky at all, nor are we wealthy. We have chosen to live without many things that others think are necessities so we can live on a single income. We sacrifice the good so we can have the best, God's best.

God's Word says plainly that wives are to look after the home and bear children, yet even conservative Christian radio stations air programing that assumes wives are also working in full-time jobs outside the home. When couples are preparing for marriage it is not shocking to hear them be advised to wait a few years after marriage before starting a family. They "need" to get to know each other for a few years before they add children, or they "need" to save for a home, or establish their careers, or, or, or. Even in the face of biblical counsel that a newly married couple be freed from civic responsibility in their first year of marriage for the very purpose of starting a family together.

There are also those who say that we cannot teach that wives should stay home, because there are those families who cannot survive financially unless they have two incomes. Until less than a year ago on paper we could not afford for me to stay home, yet we have survived and even flourished on our single income. Living by faith will not always make sense on paper, but it will work in practice when our trust is on the Creator of the Universe.

I don't know what the solution is. I don't know that there is an easy solution to combat compromise. All I know is that God has made clear His will in His Word. We each have to choose day by day and moment by moment to either obey or disobey. I will admit there are moments when I long to rebel and do my own thing, but somehow I come back to the point of obedience in the long run.

I know that obedience is rarely politically correct these days. Our secular culture is so very far away from obedience to God's Word. I know even most Christians will wonder away by compromising with the secular world. Yet there is something so incredible waiting for us. When we wonder and stray God is still waiting with open arms to welcome us back to that path of obedience. He is ready to forgive us when we come before Him with repentance. He desires to show us the way that may be more difficult but that is also more blessed.

I willingly turn my back on the philosophies of feminism, and secular humanism. I don't think either have done me any real favors. How I respond to those who are my sisters in faith but who openly embrace these things I am still working through. Maybe one day people will once again cherish the role of wife and mother, as they did before feminism tainted our culture. Maybe one day this will not be a difficult and misunderstood road to walk along. Until then I will continue to whole heartedly embrace my role, and pray more will join in this blessed and joyful life.

Mythical Sleeping Babies

Mythical Sleeping Babies - its all about personality.


My darling husband and I both giggled the first time we heard the term "mythical sleeping babies" as we have been blessed to have two of them. I wish I could share our secrets to this success, but I can honestly say it isn't all about us. Sure there are things we do that have encouraged sleep, and I will share those below. But more importantly it is about their sleep personalities.

Both our boys appear to have their father's sleep personality. They wake up when day breaks. They nap when they get tired. They go to sleep when it gets dark. Rob is 46 and largely still follows this pattern. When he is at home all day (weekends, vacations etc) he will often have a nap in the middle of the day. Most often all Rob has to do is lift his feet off the floor, stretch out on the sofa, close his eyes and yes, he is sound asleep. I rather envy this ability to sleep any time and any place. I on the other hand take a long time to fall asleep, so naps don't happen unless I'm very ill. I will naturally stay up late and then sleep late. I take forever to actually wake up mentally too. My family never speak to me in the morning until I've been awake for at least an hour.

One thing Rob and I share though is that we like our own space when we sleep. We are not one of those couples who can fall asleep snuggled up to each other. When its time to go to sleep we both turn away from the other person and curl up on our own sides of the bed. It turns out that unsurprisingly both our boys are the same way. There was a large part of me that wanted to have snuggly babies. I like the idea of my baby sleeping next to me during the night so I don't have to get out of bed for middle of the night feeds. I also like the idea of night feeding as a benefit to both the baby and me. When Seth was born I tried having him in bed with me. Even as a newly born baby he didn't like the idea as much as I did. Sure he would fall asleep as I nursed him, but to stay asleep for more than 10 minutes he had to be put down, in his own space. I can tell you that having a newborn wake up after only 10 minutes of sleep makes for one very overtired baby (not to mention exhausted parents.) As much as I like the idea, so far with the children we have, co-sleeping has not worked for us.


What I have learned so far that the issue of sleep is different for each of us, both as babies and adults. Like so many of the "rules" of parenting it is never going to be a one size fits all. We are too unique for that. Instead the best success for us has come from parenting each child as best fits their personalities as well as ours. Sleep really is no different.

So what has worked for us:

1. The most important one by far for us has been to not allow them to get overtired. When it does happen it is always a recipe for disaster. My sons don't sleep well when they get this way. They will often wake up after only 20-30 minutes of sleep if they have gotten overtired before going to sleep. The saying "sleep begets sleep" is definitely true in our home.

2. Giving them their own space to sleep in. Just like us, our boys want and need their own space to have a good sleep. While other babies may prefer to sleep snuggled up to mama, in our experience it has been the opposite. I still dream of having a baby who wants me so much that they love to sleep on me, but so far the ones I have prefer some space, and like having their own crib.

3. Being home for most of their time. Just like their mama, these boys are home bodies. They like to be in familiar surroundings to sleep well. They just don't sleep as soundly or for as long when we are anywhere else. They like their own bed for sleep. This is also very true for naps, especially given that they won't nap on me past 8 weeks of age.

4. Routine. They both respond best to a steady routine. While we don't have set times for anything for the most part, we do have a reasonably predictable routine. It starts when the first one wakes up and goes from there. The only day our routine changes is Sunday, when we have church, and they have to change out some of the routine around the time of the church service.

I know many mamas of young children around the same ages as mine. I know from talking with these women that there are as many variations as there are children. Some have children that all have different sleep personalities, and that is probably the most challenging aspect of both parenting and sleep. Some have babies that will catnap all day long, just as long as they are touching their mama. Some have babies that don't nap at all even at 6 months old. Some have babies that awake every hour or two throughout the night. Some babies love to snuggle and nurse to sleep. Some like being rocked or swayed. Some like to just be put down and left alone. The other thing I have learned is that some need more sleep and some need less.

The most important lesson I have learned about sleep from my boys is to do what works for them rather than what I thought I would do before they were born.

I have a feeling this is going to be a lesson I learn over and over again throughout this parenting adventure.

This post is linked up with

The Heart of the Home

In my life I have so many identities and roles. I'm a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend. Each of these have a wonderful and welcome place in my life. Yet above all of these I am also the heartbeat of my home. I set the atmosphere within the walls of our family sanctuary. I decide if this is a place of welcome or a place to be avoided. I am responsible for the pace of life day by day.

Realtors/Estate Agents know that to sell a home to a family they have to market to the wife/mother. They will tell you that the single most important room for this is the kitchen. The woman has to see herself comfortable in the kitchen. Once that is done the house will sell itself. Why is this? It is because deep down as women we know that we are the heartbeat of our homes and we like to beat in the heart of the home, the kitchen.

I know for me, in all the different homes I've lived in over the years, I have always gravitated towards the kitchen. I love being in the kitchen and being busy. I love to bake and cook. I love to organize and plan from the kitchen. It is where I am usually to be found if the children are sleeping. I love the rest of my home too. But I always come back to the warmth and vitality of the kitchen.

At present we have a small table in our kitchen that I use as an extra work surface. It has become my baking station. I have a baker's rack against the wall near this table that holds most of my baking supplies, so it is a natural place to mix together something wonderful. It is also the only real heat proof surface in the kitchen, so it is also the place where hot tins fresh from the oven are placed before the contents are removed. Already this morning I have completed 3 loaves of bread and a batch of cookies. A loaf of banana bread is currently in the oven. This afternoon I plan on making some apple turnovers to use up the last of our organic apples before they get too old. I can't think of a nicer smell than fresh baked food.

My love of the kitchen extends to my collecting instincts. I love to collect small kitchen gadgets. I love to find those wonderful little curiosities that make the life of a cook or baker so much easier. From the measuring spoons that go down to a pinch and a dash, to the scone cutter and flower petal maker. For Christmas my wonderful husband even surprised me with a few new ones in my stocking, including a chocolate mold and a new cookie cutter.

I remember with great fondness the wonderful aromas of my childhood home. We did not have shop bought cookies/biscuits in our home very often. Instead we always had fresh baked cake available. In the winter there was usually a very large pot of home made soup on the stove. My brother and I were the most popular children in our respective classes at school when we turned up with cake. Mum would give us two slices of cake instead of candy or chips/crisps for the morning break time. We would half one slice and swap it for a candy bar or a bag of chips/crisps. Mum thought she was helping us to healthier having home baked treats. We on the other hand had a captive market amongst children who never had home baked in their homes. The other children craved the cake we had, not just because it tasted good (and it tasted so wonderful we always kept a slice for ourselves) but because of the love that went into making it.

Knowing that I am the heartbeat of my home I want my children to have the kinds of lasting memories I had growing up. While they may not have the daily or even weekly visits with extended family, they can have the wonderful treats that feed their souls as well as their bellies. I can fill our home with the sweet smell of food prepared in love, or I can fill it with the foul aroma of convenience that says there are more important things than them. I can be the agent of peace and love that makes our home a welcoming place to all who enter, or I can busy around keeping it so perfect that nobody feel comfortable to spend time here. I can embrace my role as the heartbeat of my home, or I can let my home fall into ruin.

I love that I get to choose my response to my role in our family. I only have myself to blame if I get it wrong. I am glad to choose to stay at home every day, and make our home a wonderful to stay in. The memories my children take with them from here can be wonderful, filled with the sweet aroma of foods prepared by loving hands, only if my hands are filled with love while they work.

A wise woman once told me that no matter what happens in life my reaction is my choice. Now that I get to stay home every day this is still true. I could choose to be discontent and want to be out somewhere, anywhere on any given day. I could disregard the needs of my children and be busy out and about doing things outside the home with them. I could even choose to find employment and put them in daycare so we could have more things or travel to more places. Instead I choose to stay home. I choose to plan around nap times, diaper/nappy changes, snack and meal needs, nursing, cleaning, cooking, baking, and occasionally writing. This is being a heartbeat, a steady constant rhythm that keeps our lives moving along, slowly, carefully and at peace.

Mothering and Guilt

There is one thing that seems to be certain when we women become mothers, that we will feel guilty about the choices we make for our children.

False Guilt

At Bible College I remember one of my teachers saying that all guilt is false guilt. It comes from the enemy of our faith, trying to stop us from being more effective in our lives. And in the area of parenting there is no shortage of guilt to be found.

Passing the Baton

Tragically the most common form of mother guilt seems to come from other women. I’ve heard it often referred to as “The Mommy Wars.” It stems from women sharing often unwanted advice about how we should do exactly what they do or did as a mother. Then as we begin to feel under attack and the projection of that mommy guilt, we get defensive and start attacking back to make the other women feel the same way.

Guilt or Conviction

Sometimes it is good for us to feel uncomfortable about decision we make or actions we take. There are occasions when we learn something new and realize that we need to make a change. This is when it is easiest to feel guilt. Yet it is not guilt that motivates us to change. It is conviction about the mistake made that motivates change for the future. This is where the difference is made. Guilty feelings will immobilize us and make us defensive. Conviction will motivate us and help us to make the necessary change.

Living Guilt Free

I have tried to live a guilt free life for many years. Now that I am a mother it is even more important to me to refuse to carry the heavy burden that guilt becomes. I am by no means a perfect mother. I’ve been doing this mothering task for less than two years. I have so much still to learn, and my children are very good teachers. Still I live guilt free. Why? Because I refuse to accept that false feeling of guilt. Instead I focus on keeping an open heart and mind in learning new things. I welcome conviction when I make mistakes. If I get it wrong I want to be able to change it rather than defend it.

Real Example

When I first started introducing solid foods to Aiden at almost six months I had done some learning and decided to start with fruits and vegetables rather than cereals. However like most mothers in our culture I started by serving these foods as mush and on a spoon. I was only a few weeks into this process when I started to learn about what is called Baby Led Weaning. It was so different to anything I had experienced before. After a few more weeks I felt convicted that this new way (to me) was the right way for our family. I liked the idea of Aiden learning to chew before learning to swallow. So I stopped spoon feeding mush. I started giving him food in pieces that he could hold in his tiny little hands, and choose for himself how much he ate. It has worked very well for us, and I plan to go straight to real solid foods with Seth and any other future children when the time comes to introduce solid food.

Instead of feeling guilt and defending my decision to spoon feed mush, I kept an open mind and with the motivation of conviction I made some changes. Now this is just an example from my own mothering journey and is not shared to force anyone else to make that same change. I write to help remove the guilt not to add to it.

No More War

The best thing about leaving guilt behind as a mother is that it puts an end to the “Mommy War” mentality in my life. I don’t have to defend any of the decisions I make. I don’t have to justify myself or make another mother feel bad about the decisions she makes.

There are so many issues that seem to fuel the war mentality. This is so sad. We are just trying to do what we think is best for our children. None of us set out to bring harm to our children. We all love our children. More importantly what is right for me, my children and my family is not necessarily right for every other mother and her family. You are the only real expert on your family, just as I am on mine. You know what works best for you, even when it is the opposite of what works for me.

Leaving Guilt Behind

So I for one am leaving guilt behind, in the dust, as I walk forward in my mothering adventure. May I encourage you to do the same. Refuse to let guilt control you. Be the mother only you can be to your blessings, and let us together bring an end to the hostility of the “mommy wars.”

Have a blessed and guilt free day.

Contemplating the season of mothering babies.

Since it has been over a month since I last wrote anything here I feel that I should.

This past month has been a busy time in our household, and I just haven't felt inspired to write much. I've even gotten slack with replying to emails from friends. I think in part I'm just in a very introspective place right now, with my sweet baby boy reaching development milestones, and the new baby making their presence constantly known with visible movement in my belly.

Aiden is doing so well right now. He is a sweet and happy as ever. In this last month he has discovered the fun of standing up. He won't pull himself up to stand, but he loves to wriggle down from our knees to stand up. Rob keeps joking about how much Aiden is his father's son. Its all about putting in the least amount of effort to get the same result. After a couple of weeks of standing he is just this week beginning to graduate to a few side shuffle steps to reach toys that are out of reach. I know he is going to be cruising sometime in the next few weeks. Right now we are still working on balance, and I'm trying to teach him how to sit down from standing, and how to pull himself up. That will certainly make life easier on my back, than the constant leaning over I'm having to do right now. I am keen to have Aiden walking before the new baby gets here at the end of the summer, but I also know this smart little boy is going to develop at his own pace, as it suits him.

The pregnancy continues to go well. This new little one is almost as active as their big brother was at this stage. The biggest difference though is that this little one doesn't seem to be showing a preference for any particular position in the womb. Aiden was head down from as early as we could tell his position. This new baby likes to move around a lot more. They did spend a few weeks lying almost exclusively transverse, which did concern me. The last few weeks though have seen an almost constant change in position, with no particular favourite so far. I try to encourage the baby into a head down position, but there is still plenty of time before I actually need to have any real concern about that. I know some babies won't go head down until labour starts, especially after you've already had previous children.

My mind has very much been filled by motherhood and all that it entails recently. I've been meditating on the changing seasons of life. I've always been a writer. It is a huge part of who I am. I've always had a very strong desire to write, and often dreamed of becoming a published author one day. Just recently I've felt that the door to writing has been drawing closed, for this particular season of my life. For the first time ever the constant desire to express myself in written word just has not been there. There is no motivation, no inspiration, no desire to write. Yet I also feel that this is only for this season in my life. Eventually I'll go back to writing. Eventually I will no longer be the mother of small children. The season of my life will change once more.

Right now instead of writing I am sewing. We splurged on a new sewing machine last November and it is finally being used. It has taken up an almost permanent place at one end of our dinning table. So far most of my sewing has been for the new baby. I've made some tie-on cloth diapers and diaper soaker inserts. Then there are the tiny newborn size kimonos from recycled t-shirts Rob was ready to throw out. I even bought some fabric to make muslin swaddles, perfect for the heat of Florida towards the end of summer. I still have more kimonos cut and ready to sew, and I want to get some fitted diapers in newborn size made too. I have even ventured to make silk diaper liners that we can use for both Aiden and the new baby. The silk feels so much nicer against those delicate parts of their bodies.

Once the sewing projects are completed it will be time for the knitting needles. I have found some very cute patterns free online for some wool diaper covers. I also found some very reasonably priced wool online. Using wool covers will be so much nicer that PUL or plastic. I also have a couple of blankets I want to crochet for the baby. I made two for Aiden, and I'd like this new baby to have their own. Aiden loves his blankets. He loves the texture of the crochet and the feel of the yarn. I don't want him to feel like we are taking those blankets away from him to give to the new baby, so I need to make a few more.

I still have a few months before this new baby arrives, so I'm hopeful that will be plenty of time to get all my projects completed. And if the baby arrives while I'm still working on some, then that will be fine too. We have all the basics we need, and then some, from when Aiden was born. The best thing about babies is they don't care what colour they are wearing. They just want to be loved, fed and comfortable. Loved, fed and comfortable we can do even if another thing never got completed.

So sorry for being such a lazy blogger. I can't promise I'll be writing much more frequently in the next few months. I'll try, but life and babies happen, so I'll just have to try my best.

10 Months Already

Life has been more than a little full around here recently. We had two weeks where the whole family got ill, some kind of "flu like" cold that had us all doing little more than sleeping and occasionally eating. Then just as we were recovering our sweet little boy decided to get some live yogurt in his eye, and ended up with conjunctivitis. (Seriously, he won't eat baby yogurt, but loves natural live yogurt. Daddy was feeding him and Aiden grabbed at his spoon and in the process flicked yogurt across his face, and a little bit got in his eye.) The conjunctivitis resulted in a doctor visit and five days of eye drops to get rid of the infection. It took both of us to get that drop in his eye every morning and evening, and it was still not an easy feat with a wriggly 10 month old.

10 Months Old, April 1st 2011

Despite the illness it has been fun around our home. Aiden has gained more mobility. He still won't crawl in the traditional way. He won't even try to get up on his knees. However he has found that he can get to where he wants to be by wriggling and rolling, and he is getting very efficient at it too. It is amusing to watch him as he sets his sights on something then works his way to get it. He has also increased in confidence and just this past week has ventured off the rug that takes up most of the floor in our sitting area. So far he has ventured far enough to get to the dinning table, and to our bedroom door. He has said "Hello" twice, the first time while on Skype with my mum, then again a few days later when his daddy came home.

We also gave Aiden a hair cut at home. He has quite thick hair at the top of his head. It is also the one area of his head where no hair fell out after he was born. As a result it was getting too long again, and was still brown while the new hair on the rest of his head was blonde. So Rob held him while I attempted to cut. It won't win awards for style, but it is neater and more even now. When we look at pictures of him from his first month, then look at him now, it is hard to believe he is the same little boy. His features have changed so much in these last 10 months.

New Hair Cut

It is amazing to watch all the changes that happen during this very short phase of babyhood. We know this is such a short time in Aiden's life. It won't be long before he is no longer a baby, but instead becomes a toddler. While it seems like all the other mothers around me are busy looking forward to the next developmental stage, I'm in no hurry. I want to relish each and every day that he is at this current point. The days where Aiden is completely dependent upon me for everything are already slipping away. He is developing more and more independence and autonomy. He is beginning to communicate verbally. He can feed himself table food, as long as it is in small pieces (although he will attempt to eat bigger pieces of food if he gets his hands on them.) He can move from one place to another without my help. Just 10 months ago the only thing he could do for himself was sleep, or cry.

Eating Dinner

Then in just a few short months Aiden will also be a big brother. He will be showing the way for a younger sibling. He will be learning how to share, and give, and serve. Life will no longer just be about him. When Aiden shows symptoms of being an only child, and just a little too demanding of constant attention, Rob will be heard to say "help is on the way." Being a big brother will cure Aiden of that only child complex. He will have no choice but to adjust to another baby in our home. It will be good for him.

Until then though I plan to continue relishing every moment of where he is right now. He is such a blessing, and one I enjoy sharing every day with.

Staying Home, feeling invisible.

I recently had a friend over for lunch. She became a stay at home Mom for her teenage girls just a few months ago. However she is struggling with some of the adjustment from working for pay to being home full time. She is struggling with a common problem for women who suddenly stop working outside the home to become a full time wife and Mom, a loss of identity.

I can remember my own Mum telling me about that when I was a young adult. My Mum had always wanted to be a wife and mother. She got married at 20, had my brother just 9 months later, turned 21 the month after that, then had me at 22. She very quickly got busy just looking after two small children and running a home on a very tight budget (I think everyone had a very tight budget back in the 1970's.) Then one day it hit her. She wasn't her anymore. She was her Dad's daughter, her husband's wife, her children's Mum, but never just her. She was no longer known just for being herself. Everyone knew her in relation to someone else. It took my Mum a long time to figure out who she really was after that loss of identity.

I've seen this same thing happen to many friends. For some it is so difficult to overcome that they give up and return to the paid workforce so they can find a sense of accomplishment and identity again. It is only by returning to paid work outside the home that they feel they are still themselves.

After my recent conversation with the friend who is currently dealing with this identity crisis I've been pondering why we as women undermine ourselves in this way. Being a mother is probably the single most important job we could ever do. Being a mother is shaping and influencing part of the next generation, and beyond. It has been said that our personality and core values are shaped for life within the first 7 years. Who we are at 7 is for the most part who we will be as an adult. The single biggest influence in our life in those 7 years is our primary caregiver, historically mothers. It is a role that until recently was held in esteem. Being a mother was seen as the most important job we could do.

To me being a mother is still the most important job I can do, but somewhere in the last 50 or so years our society has began to disagree. Now we are seen as somehow surplus to requirements. Our role in society is minimalised. We are ONLY a stay at home Mom, as if we should be doing something more important instead. Staying home full time we easily get dismissed as irrelevant to larger society. Is it any wonder that so many women begin to loose their identity, or feel invisible when they do choose to stay at home?

I love being at home with my son. I often remark to my darling husband that I really admire him for being able to leave every day to go to work. I know it would break my heart to beyond distraction if I were the one who had to leave every morning to earn a living. I am fortunate. I have a husband who strongly supports me in being a stay at home wife and mother. He tells me regularly that he can cheerfully go out to work because he knows I am home taking proper care of our son. He doesn't have to give the welfare of Aiden a second thought while he is at work, because he knows as his mother I am taking care of him the way he needs to be taken care of.

I feel very privileged to be home every day, being a mother to a happy contented little boy. I get to use my creativity and intelligence in so many more ways than I ever did in any paid job I have ever done (and I've had some really great jobs over the years.) I get to watch this child grow and develop before my very eyes. I am witness to all his firsts. I am also the biggest influence in his life. Who he will become as a person is largely under my influence. The values and attitudes he develops in life will mostly be thanks to me. What he sees me do will influence what he does. How I live will be reflected in how he lives. I can take that responsibility and grow to be a better influence for him, or I can hand that over to strangers at daycare. Personally I'd rather do it myself.

My husband and I have a vision. We want to establish a godly dynasty with our family. It is having that vision that helps us both keep going in our respective roles within our family. I stay at home on purpose. I also have a purpose in staying at home. This is not idle time in my life. Rather together we are building foundational blocks in Aiden's life that will work towards our vision. This will extend to future children too. As our family grows, so our vision will grow. By the time they are adults we hope and plan to raise godly men and women for the Kingdom of God. We pray daily for our children to catch a hold of our vision and legacy and for them to then pass it on the the next generation after them.

The problem as far as I can see it is that so many of us have lost sight of our purpose and responsibility as parents. Our society tells us that it isn't important, that anyone can raise our children. When we loose sight of just how important we actually are to our children, then we begin to listen to all the negative voices around us. When we don't have a purpose and a vision for staying home, we get lost in the maze of emotions and other peoples comments. When we see ourselves as ONLY a stay at home Mom it gets too easy to feel invisible, unimportant and swallowed up in life.

If we want to avoid feeling invisible and lost we need to find our purpose. We need to ask ourselves why we are doing this? We also need to ask ourselves what can possibly be more important right now that investing in my child's future? The truth is that NOTHING is more important, no matter if your child is an infant or a teenager. Nobody can be a mother to your children as well as you can.

Feeling lost, get a vision. Feeling invisible, get a purpose. After that your imagination is your only limitation.

Let us all remember that stay at home Mom's are not JUST, they are ALL.

Some thoughts on Motherhood

I love being a mother. Even since I was a teenager I knew I would love being a mother. When asked what I wanted to do with my life I would always, always answer "be a wife and mother." Being late to the game I have spent more than my fair share of time out in the paid workforce. I can tell you honestly that I don't miss it, not for a single second.

My life is so tied up in the care and nurture of my wonderful husband and adorable little boy that I don't even want to contemplate life before them. I know I am very blessed. My husband wants me to stay home to look after and nurture our son. He is committed to do whatever he needs to do to enable us to live on a single income. One look into my baby boy's eyes and we both know that no sacrifice is too great for his well being.

I also know that most of the people around us, family, friends and acquaintances do not understand all of our parenting choices. That is alright, I don't need anyone else to understand or approve of what we do. I also know some of these same people find our choices a little too extreme for them. They are our choices and we are not forcing them on anyone else. It works for us that I stay home. It works for us to trust the Lord with our family size. It works for us to put the needs of our family before other, worthy but lower priority causes.

When I say that I'm a stay at home Mamma, I really mean I stay at home. Our sweet little boy is now in a great sleep routine. We struggled with daytime naps for the first five months of his life, and now that he naps we don't mess with it. Aiden likes to go to bed with the sun (just like his Daddy) so right now he is going to sleep for the night about 5:30pm. He sleeps for about 12 hours, so that means getting up about 5-5:30am in the morning. When a lot of other people are just getting going he is getting ready for his first nap. Depending on exactly when he got up that morning he is going down for his morning nap between 7-7:30am and sleeps for about two hours, maybe a little more. Then he goes for his afternoon nap around 12noon and will sleep up to three hours. That doesn't leave much time for going out anywhere. So I don't. Most weeks the only time Aiden and I leave our neighbourhood is to go to Church on a Sunday morning. I haven't been back for the evening service since early November. I do miss Sunday and Wednesday evening services, but not so much that I'll sacrifice my son's sleep for my convenience.

I have to confess that the more I stay home, the more I want to stay home. There will always be Church Socials but my first born son will only be 7 months old for one month. Next week he'll be 8 months old. I want to be able to enjoy each age, each stage of his babyhood and infancy for as long as it lasts. He isn't crawling yet, but I'm good with that. Once he is mobile things will change again. We aren't even sure if he will crawl. His Daddy never did. Aiden has never been keen to be belly down. We are slowly getting him to cooperate on this, but it is taking time. When he has had enough he lays his head down and eventually rolls back over onto his back (a position in which he can travel across the floor!) He sits up unsupported and loves to watch everything going on around him, so I'm sure once he gets the proper motivation (whenever that may be) he will start to work on his mobility.

I also know that the more time I spend around this fascinating little person the stronger my desire for more children. Aiden is a very social little boy who loves to interact with everyone he meets. What better gift to give him than siblings. I'll gladly take as many children as the Lord chooses to bless us with. While we will never be a mega-family, we started too late for that, we hope for 5 or 6, and would be delighted if we could get to maybe 8, but that is one choice that we are placing in more worthy hands.

While my lifestyle and my choices may run contrary to the majority of my peers I would say that I have never been happier, more content or more at peace than I am right now. I have a life (contrary to what Ms Germain Grier may say) and a very joyful life at that. I choose to submit to my husband's headship. I choose to obey my high calling to motherhood. I choose a quiet, peaceful life. In doing so I am choosing the life I was designed to live. I am being who I was always meant to be, and there is no better life than that.

Mashed Banana Delight!

Last Saturday we hit two new milestones for Aiden. In the morning he managed to stay sitting upright for several seconds at a time without support. He was very cute trying to stay up before slowly leaning over on himself. How quickly the time seems to be going now that he is sitting up.

Then after several weeks of watching us intently every time we eat, and fussing even after a full 6oz bottle we decided to try him with some mashed banana as his first solid food. Not only did he take to it straight away, in less than a week he has started to realise that the food is on the way and gets so excited. He leans forward into the spoon eager to get the food, and fusses when I take the spoon away to put more food on it. He is so eager to eat he gets a lot of it over his face. Mashed banana has been a delight for our almost five month old. This weekend we will introduce sweet potato for a new taste and texture and see how much he likes that one too.

The most interesting outcome of introducing banana to Aiden's diet is that he is finally becoming more predictable in his daytime naps. Until this week he rarely slept during the day for more than 30 minutes. Now we are getting at least one 2 hour nap and another almost 2 hour nap. This wasn't the reason we added food to Aiden's diet, but it sure is a nice bonus. And he still sleeps 11 hours every night too, so now his sleep patterns are about as perfect as we could ever hope for.

We have such an easy contented little boy it makes parenting him a real pleasure. What a blessing and a joy it is to be Aiden's Mamma.

First Cold and other developments

This week Aiden had his first head cold. Fortunately it was very mild. We took Aiden to Rob's office on Friday so Rob could show him off. I had to wait in the reception area, as Rob works for a company that sometimes does work on Defense Contracts. They have a big sign that states in big red letters "No Foreign Nationals." Since I am still just a permanent resident I couldn't go any further than the security desk. We think it was this visit to the office that infected Aiden, even though Rob didn't let anyone actually touch him.

So Aiden and I have had a very laid back week, with lots of snuggles and longer than usual naps. He is already becoming more independent from me. He plays on his own for over half an hour at a time, amusing himself with a ring of teething toys and a see through rattle. He no longer needs Mamma for constant amusement. It is a small step forward compared to all that he will accomplish by his first birthday, but shows just how short the time is when Aiden will be happy to snuggle on his Mamma's lap. He is sitting with support, and can move around the floor in circles using his arms and hips. He doesn't like being on his belly so hands and feet crawling is probably not going to be his thing. Rob scooted on his bum as a baby and we think Aiden is going to be the same way. He is also working on rolling over from his back to his belly, although I'm not sure what he'll do once he succeeds, probably cry for Mamma.

I am still filled with awe each and every day as I watch this little person called Aiden. He is such a sweet natured child who finds himself almost as amusing as his Dad does. He loves to chat, and giggles for no apparent reason, much to the amusement of his parents. It is such a privilege to be trusted with the nurture and raising of this precious child. I know I am greatly blessed to be his Mamma, and I hope and pray that we receive a whole quiverful just like him.

The joy of motherhood

I am so blessed with a sweet natured baby, yet he is so time consuming I can't believe how quickly the time is passing by. The last month has seen a few changes for both of us.

The first one is a sad one for me. Aiden has stopped nursing and is now bottle fed with formula milk. From about six weeks old Rob and I had several conversations about the possibility of Aiden being Lactose Intolerant. He had most of the symptoms, except weight loss. Instead his weight gain was very slow, especially considering his healthy 8lb 7oz birth weight. It all came to a head on Thursday evening when Rob came home to Aiden screaming in pain yet again. It had been building up for several days, but he had reached a point where he would not sleep for more than 15 minutes at a time during the day, and would wake up screaming, obviously uncomfortable. I started to do some online research and found that Aiden's symptoms matched all the criteria for Lactose Overload. We decided to try formula for a few days to give his body an opportunity to get some relief, meanwhile I expressed to keep up my milk supply. It was during the week that I was expressing and storing my milk that we realised the problem was my milk. It had no fat in it. No matter how much milk I expressed there was only ever a weak, watery milk coming out. After speaking to Rob's aunt I discovered this was not normal, that expressed milk should have some rich fat, that if left standing with separate to the top. In the weeks leading up to this Aiden and I had already instinctively tried feeding from only one side per feeding and then block feeding for several hours on one side only. It never worked. Aiden was always hungry, and with no fat to slow down the digestive process, he was also always in pain from the lactose fermenting in his intestines. Now that we have switched permanently to formula milk Aiden is no longer screaming, and is finally gaining weight that is more in line with his size. I miss nursing him, but I'm also aware that to continue would have continued to keep my son in pain and with a constant hunger.

A happier change is the amount of interaction we are now having with Aiden. He loves to sit on my lap and sing nursery rhymes with me. It is so sweet to here him try to sing just like his Mamma. He is spending more time sitting up and lifting up his head when we put him down on his tummy. I know it won't be too much longer until he starts trying to crawl. He changes so much each day, that I try to just soak in these baby days. I know they will pass too quickly. I waited so long to become a mother that I want to make the most of each and every day.

We continue to work on Aiden's daytime sleep patterns. He is such a good sleeper at night, still sleeping 9-10 hours every night. Most of his daytime naps don't last much past half an hour. I usually will only get one longer nap out of him (which is what he is doing right now) and so have to try and squeeze in as many chores as I can during that time which can last from only an hour all the way up to two and a half hours. The longer naps are a true rarity, in which I might even get to enjoy a few sips of coffee before he wakens up.

My favourite part of the day is always when Rob comes home. As I here the door I always tell Aiden that "Daddy's home" which is always replied to with a huge smile. I love that our son enjoys his daddy's return home as much as I do. It is a joy to watch the two of them together reconnecting at the end of the day while I finish getting dinner on the table. Rob interacts with Aiden in a very different way than I do and it really blesses my heart to see Aiden have the balance of both parents investing in his life and development.

I can hear Aiden begin to stir from his nap, so I will finish and get this posted before I go and see to him.