Driving, Sickness and the joy of parenthood

Another week and another adventure or two.

On Monday I took my driving test, and passed. So I am now allowed out on my own in the car. Of course this also means I get to do the school run every day, twice a day. The boys were thrilled as they thought that means they get to leave later to go to school. They were wrong. I did have to threaten them with walking to school to get them out Tuesday morning. More threats yesterday morning, so I decided to change tactics. Last night they were informed that for every minute they keep me waiting to leave past 7:40am I will wake them up 10 minutes earlier the following morning. It worked. This morning we were actually pulling out of the garage at 7:38am, two whole minutes early.

I was just getting ready for my 2nd graders library visit this morning when one of my boys arrived at the library. He has a migraine. It's his third one in 2 weeks, so I decided he needed to come home and go to bed. I cancelled today's library sessions with the elementary classes and brought him home. He has a family history of migraines, and given how much stress he has been under since he got here, along with all the sports practice and faster pace of life here, I'm not surprised it has finally caught up with him. A day in bed sleeping and resting should have him back on his feet by tomorrow.

Best part is I get an unexpected day off. I'm caught up with chores as I didn't think I'd be home today, and dinner is already in the crock pot. I might even get some time to work on some craft projects today.

Life with teenagers

As we near the end of our second week with our boys I have to say, parenting teenagers is very different to anything I have ever done before. They are funny, energetic, hardworking, and driving me crazy on a regular basis. Just getting them out for school in the morning has been challenging. Firstly they have never had to get up as early as we make them get up in the morning. Neither of them are morning people, and I can relate to that, so it makes mornings a challenge for all three of us. Then there is the difference between Carribean time and American time, a challenge all to itself. Thursday mornings at present are the biggest trial of this nature, as I volunteer at the school library, so my darling husband has to bring us all to the school. This also requires him to go to work later than he usually does, as he is normally at work before the boys are even awake. We aim to leave at 7am, so my beloved can be in the office by 8am, but it just isn't happening. This morning it was 7:20am before we left, and it started to rain really hard about 7:15am, so we all got soaked just getting into the car, and then we were late on top of that.

I know that moving here to go to High School is a big adjustment for our boys, and I am so proud of them for all the effort they are making. They are 15 years old and that explains a lot of their behaviour in and of itself. They are having to adjust to living with a couple they don't know, and who do things differently than their own parents do. They are having to adjust to a completely different school system, and learning ethic. They have sports practise almost every day, including Saturdays, and most nights several hours of homework. They have a lot of catching up to do to get their grades up to a level where they can stay on the sports teams. Yet they never complain about any of it. Regardless of the pressure from back home to succeed they keep smiling and laughing, and keeping my husband and I entertained.

I may have jumped in at the deep end taking on two boys in their mid-teen years, but I am loving being mum to them. Despite having to get up earlier to get them up, and staying up later to make sure they go to bed when they have been told to, I am enjoying this. It is hard work. It is exhausting. It is also rewarding, and entertaining. Instead of the quiet peaceful atmosphere we are used to, we now have noise, video games, chaos and lots of laughter. It is stretching me, forcing me to not hold onto the control so tightly. It is teaching me daily how to lay down my life in ways I never realised I needed to.

Life with teenagers is certainly a challege, but one I am very glad to rise up to. Now that we have them I wouldn't want to change it for anything.

New Direction for our family

We’re just a few days back from Hawaii for our anniversary/vacation. At times it is difficult to believe that it has been two years already since I became Rob’s wife. The first year was marked by separation, the second by constant flux. The third year looks like it is also going to be an interesting one. Two weeks ago we agreed to become the host parents to two boys who will be attending our church school this coming academic year.

We knew the school was beginning to take overseas students, and an appeal for host families had been made at the beginning of the summer. At that point we were not in a position to get involved. I was pregnant and due half way through the school year. When a second appeal went out a little under two weeks ago we were again in a position where we could not volunteer. We spoke about possibly volunteering in future years, but I was waiting to find out if we had managed to get pregnant after our miscarriage, and my sister-in-law was due for brain surgery to remove a tumour and I may have been needed back home in Scotland.

Then on Thursday two weeks ago I tested negative for pregnancy. My sister-in-law had responded so well to surgery that she was being released from hospital the next day. That afternoon I got a call from the school. We were being asked directly if we would consider taking one of the students. Rob was at work, and I didn’t want to disturb him, so I asked for time for us to discuss it and we would get back to them. All afternoon I thought and prayed about it. The timing and direct approach cut through my previous reasons for declining. After Rob got home we discussed it and decided that with some more information it would be a definite possibility. We called back and said that our answer was provisionally a yes. During the conversation we were then asked if we would consider taking two students. Someone had pulled out earlier that week leaving two boys without a place to stay. We have two empty bedrooms, and two would be company for each other, so why not.
The first of our new “sons” arrived on the Sunday. He was accompanied by his mum, aunt and uncle. We invited them all back to ours for lunch, as we already had a friend coming over for lunch. We had a great time of fellowship and mum was comforted to know that her “baby” would be living in a good Christian home. We met our other “son” when we got back from vacation.

A bonus of this move is that it forced us to purchase a car. With four of us at home just having the two person pick-up truck was no longer adequate for our needs. On our way to church on the Sunday morning before our vacation we saw a car for sale at the side of the road. It was parked off the road, but not as part of any home. We went back later and looked it over. It was perfect for what we needed and a price we were willing to pay. Rob took it for a test drive Sunday, and after a trip to the bank on Monday the car was ours Monday evening. I’ll be taking my driving test to get my full license in a couple of weeks and finally I’ll be fully mobile. I’ll be on the school run at that point, but it does feel good to know I’ll finally be able to get out on visitation during the day while Rob is at work.

So we had one last week of just the two of us before embarking on the adventure of parenting teenagers. It will be another interesting year for our unconventional journey, but one I am looking forward to with eager anticipation.

Surgery results

Just a quick note to thank everyone who prayed for my sister-in-law. Her surgery went well this morning. She is back on the ward and sitting up talking. She even telephoned the children to find out how first day of school went.

It will be 5 days before they get the biopsy results for the tumour, but so far it looks good. It looks like I may not have to head home after all.

Praise the Lord for His mercies.

Urgent prayer request to all my blog friends

Please pray for my sister-in-law Karen. Yesterday she was diagnosed with a brain tumour. She has to have another scan today, and then probably surgery. Karen and my brother Steven have two little ones. Christopher is five and starts school on Monday, without mum. Caitlin is 2 and doesn't really understand what is going on. My mum is looking after the children while my brother goes between the hospital and his work.

Karen has been having severe headaches for months. She saw a neurologist a couple of months ago who diagnosed her with cluster migraines. My brother had to call out a doctor several times over this last week because of the pain she was in, so yesterday he finally sent her for a scan. Next thing they knew she was transferred to a hospital in Glasgow, to the surgical ward. We don't know just how serious it is yet.

It is times like this that can really show how far away I am from my family. Modern technology usually makes 5000 miles not seem like very much, but this morning it seems a very long way away.

Please pray for Karen, Steven and the children. None of them know the Lord and I can't imagine how difficult it is to deal with this without faith. Pray for my mum, for strength as she looks after the children and supports my brother. Pray for wisdom for the surgeons and medical team looking after Karen.

Thank you

Lyn

Post Op Appointment!!!!!

I had my post-op appointment today for the D&C two weeks ago. I don't know if I am more disappointed or angry. My darling husband had to take most of the afternoon off work to take me to the doctor's office. (I'm still on a learner's permit for driving and we only have one vehicle anyway, and he works a 40 min drive from where we live.)

The whole thing was a total waste of time. I got to the office and as I check in I am informed that the doctor has gone home to stay off her feet as she is pregnant and I will be seen by the nurse practitioner instead. The receptionist also processes a co-pay as she doesn't realise it is a post-op appointment. DH leaves me in the waiting room so he can go and vote in the State Senate Election that is going on today. After about 10 minutes I'm taken to a consultation room. When the NP comes in she obviously hasn't even read my file yet. She asks me how I'm doing and then proceeds to give me a lecture about not getting pregnant again straight away. She also notices that there is no pap smear results on my file (the file is 2 weeks old!) and asks me when my last one was. I inform her I've never had one and that the miscarriage was my first contact with a doctor since arriving in America. She tells me I need a Well Woman Check where they will order a mammogram, pap smear and check my cervix to make sure it is recovering correctly and it should be done in four weeks time. She then takes me back to reception to make another appointment for four weeks time. The receptionist then asks her what they are billing this visit as. Another nurse overhears and informs them both that this is a post-op appointment. The receptionist then realises that there should not have been a co-pay for this and has to refund the money.

I was under the impression that the post-op appointment was important because that was when they would check to make sure everything was returning to normal. I never even got my blood pressure taken, never mind a physical exam or hormone levels checked, nor did she do anything to check that there was no undetected infection. I asked if I should be concerned about anything and all I was told was don't get pregnant again until after we have checked everything at the next appointment. I was in total shock as I left that nothing was actually done at this appointment, other than to make another appointment. I won't be going, and I certainly won't be asking my husband to take anymore time off work to take me anywhere near that doctor's office again.

Now I am over the shock and beginning to feel angry. Everything I know about what has happened to me over these last few weeks I have found out by doing my own research. I have never had anything explained or told what to expect next. As I have been thinking about this tonight I realise I shouldn't be surprised. The doctor didn't even speak to me in recovery. She spoke to my husband immediately after the procedure, but she never came and spoke to me in the few hours I was still in the hospital recovering.

Well my rant is over. Hopefully I can get some sleep now. I do know I will be staying as far away from doctors as I possibly can for as long as I can. The health service doesn't seem to be about medical care, just about making money.

Miscarriage Details

Having just gone through a complicated miscarriage during weeks 12 & 13 of pregnancy I wanted to record the experience. The most difficult part of the process was not knowing what to expect, and not knowing if what was happening to my body was normal. While I know that every miscarriage is different, I felt that describing what happened to me might help someone else faced with this terrible situation.

Be warned this account is purposefully explicit. It was the lack of concrete details in my internet searches that made it difficult to know what to expect. Do NOT continue reading if you are not emotionally prepared for the detailed description.
Thank you for taking the time to read and share in our journey.

I started with a missed miscarriage. I was 11 weeks and 3 days when I noticed some mucus slightly tinged with pink blood after using the bathroom. I thought enough of it to be concerned enough to tell my husband and to stay off my feet for the rest of the day. The following day there was a tiny amount of brown spotting after being intimate with my husband, but no discomfort and no continued spotting. I mostly stayed off my feet the next day as a precaution. A day after that (11weeks & 6days) there was another little show of brown spotting during the day, but then as I got ready for bed I noticed a tiny amount of fresh red blood when I used the bathroom. I was concerned enough now to contact our midwife. After speaking to her for a few minutes she suggested we listen for the heartbeat with the Doppler. We drove to her as she only lives a few minutes drive from us and it was 10:30pm. She couldn’t find a heartbeat, but was not too concerned, as from her vast experience this was not completely unusual. Sometimes the heartbeat won’t be heard until 13 weeks with the Doppler. However as I was having slight bleeding she suggested an ultrasound for our own peace of mind.

We went for the ultrasound the next morning, at which point I was 12 weeks exactly. The midwife had asked for a “wet reading” which meant they would send the results to her immediately. We were taken back to the waiting room, then a few minutes later told we could leave and to call our midwife for the results. We decided to drive home before calling our midwife. We were about halfway when she called us. The results were not good. There was no sign of a heartbeat and the baby’s growth indicated that it had stopped growing at 9 weeks and 3 days. We were advised to prepare for the miscarriage to start. This was on the Friday afternoon. Our midwife did say that if nothing had started happening by Monday we needed to go into her office to discuss our options.

I started cramping that evening. It was just mild cramping, accompanied by the passing of small blood clots. This continued throughout the night, leaving me with very little sleep. This continued on and off all through the day. It was uncomfortable but not truly painful. It eased off late Saturday evening, allowing me to get a little more sleep than the night before. The next day the cramps eased off for a while, and then returned stronger, with increased bleeding. That evening the cramping had definitely become painful. The blood clots also increased in size. As the evening progressed so did the miscarriage. The cramps had become contractions, and steadily increased until they were only a few minutes apart. Just before midnight I finally passed the placenta, and just after that the contractions stopped. Thankfully I was able to get a full night of sleep. With no pain or cramps returning, and with an end of bleeding I thought the miscarriage was over. I spoke briefly with our midwife that morning, and she seemed satisfied from my description that we were indeed finished miscarrying.

Just after lunch, about twelve hours after the pain ceased, the cramps returned. They were immediately back to the intensity of the night before. I went to bed to try and get some sleep, but I was in too much pain. I finally called my husband, who had gone to work that day, to ask him to bring more pain killers home as the pain had returned. I dosed a while during the contractions, and within a few hours my husband was home. He didn’t feel right about me being home alone in my condition, and so had come home early. My contractions continued to increase in intensity and frequency. After five hours I could barely cope with the pain. My husband phoned the midwife and in less than 15 minutes she was at our house. She confirmed that I was in full blown labour, something that can happen when a miscarriage happens this far into a pregnancy. Knowing that was somehow comforting, despite the pain I was in. I was however becoming very tired from the almost constant pain, lack of sleep and lack of food. I was helped back to bed by my husband, where I continued to labour, mostly curled up on my side. Both my husband and the midwife kept up the conversation while I tried to breathe through the pain. By now each contraction was bringing with it a gush of blood, not all of it clotted either. I tried joining the conversation when I was not contracting, and after eight hours of full labour the contractions, pain and frequency began to reduce, giving me some much needed rest, but as the midwife was sure the miscarriage was not yet over, it was not good news. Another two hours and the contractions had once again stopped. This time however the bleeding continued.

The next morning our midwife made an appointment for us to return for a follow up ultrasound. There it was confirmed that the miscarriage was incomplete. From the report that was sent to the midwife it appeared that there was only a small amount of fetal tissue left inside my womb, and that it was sitting just inside my cervix. The midwife did not think it was very likely that I would finish the miscarriage naturally, and recommended that I have a D&C to reduce the risks of further complications. She gave us the choice between going to the local ER, or arranging to see a doctor she had worked with previously. We opted for the doctor she knew, but after trying to contact him for a few hours, she called us back to say it would be the next day at the earliest before she would be able to even speak to him. So we decided to visit the ER instead of waiting yet another day.

The staff at the hospital were all very polite, and we were seen within 20 minutes of arriving. The duty doctor asked if we had an OB-GYN, and when we told him we only had a midwife he seemed to think this would make the whole process easier, as he could just contact the on-call OB. We were left in a room by ourselves while he spoke to the OB, and returned to inform us that she would see us in her own offices the next morning. I then had some blood taken before I was discharged, so they could do a blood count. Once the results of the blood test came back I was discharged with instructions to call the OB office to make an appointment for the next morning. As soon as we left the parking lot I called the OB’s office to make the appointment, which was scheduled for 11:30 the following morning. We went home thinking the whole thing would be over the next day.

At the OB’s office we had to fill in all the registration paperwork and were then left sitting in the waiting room for what seemed like forever, but in reality was about 45minutes. We were then taken to a consultation room where I was given instructions to prepare for the doctor, and we were again left alone. Another ten minutes and the doctor finally arrived. She did an internal pelvic exam (my first ever one) and then confirmed that I did indeed have an incomplete miscarriage. She then gave us the option of waiting longer to see if it would complete on its own, and as such we could set any given date to follow up. Anxious to now get this over with and disappointed that I was once again going to have to wait longer we informed her we wanted it over with as soon as possible. She then contacted the hospital to schedule an operating room for the next morning. We went home a little deflated, as we were both under the impression that the D&C was going to be performed on that first doctor visit.

I went through pre-admitting by telephone that afternoon and given all my instructions for preparing for the surgery. My check in time was 6am, as I was scheduled for surgery early on in the day. Again all the staff at the hospital were very professional and compassionate. Several of them tried to be encouraging saying that once this was over we would soon be able to try again for another child. The biggest complication for the surgery was that I had to be treated as a “full stomach” by the anaesthetist as I was over 12 weeks pregnant. This meant I had to have a breathing tube while I was under the anaesthetic. Fortunately I have no recollection of this, but I was left with a sore throat afterwards. Also because I was given a general anaesthetic I have no recollection of the procedure. The OB did speak to my husband after the surgery, but I did not see her again. She did mention that there was a lot more fetal/placental material removed that she was expecting. It would seem that the ultrasound had not shown the extent of how little I had miscarried on my own.

After I was taken back to recovery I was not allowed to leave until I had successfully used the bathroom. I was told I needed to rest for a few days, and was given two prescriptions. One was to prevent excessive bleeding from my womb, and the other was an antibiotic. I was also given instructions to make a follow up appointment with the doctor for two weeks after the surgery to make sure I was healing correctly.

In hindsight I am glad was made the decisions we did. I am also glad we pushed for a quick surgery considering how much tissue was still inside me. We learned a lot about how the US healthcare system works, and that in future I need to be much more forceful in asking questions if I ever end up in the system again. For both my husband and I the greatest frustration was the lack of information we were given, and that nothing was ever explained to us in advance. At the same time our midwife was truly amazing, showing great care and following up with us at every stage of the process. Even our midwife was surprised at how long it took once we hit the system. I do know that if we get pregnant again we will definitely be using the midwife for all our prenatal care, and delivery.