Two months in, some thoughts on our pregnancy

Finally the nausea of the last several weeks is beginning to fade. I am still careful not to overeat, as this is sure to bring back that horrible feeling in my stomach, but I am back to trying to eat a more balanced diet than the last few weeks. I was beginning to dread having to eat, but also knowing I couldn't let my stomach get completely empty either. I've managed a proper breakfast today for the first time in weeks, and so far so good.

I did a closet clearout yesterday, removing all the clothes that no longer fit due to my ever increasing waist. It was discouraging to go into the closet everyday and struggle with what to wear, so it is now all put away in an empty closet, out of sight for the duration of this pregnancy. I am trying to make the rest of my clothes last as long as possible before I make the move into maternity wear. I have been blessed over the last several months with donations of free fabric from a few friends who knew I like to sew. I am planning on making some maternity wear from this fabric, thus having free maternity clothes. I'll be making a few dresses and some tops. One is already completed. Hopefully all I'll have to pay for are a few skirts and maybe a few tops for wearing to church. Living in South Florida where it is summer all year long I am keen to have all cotton clothing, something which would be difficult if I didn't know how to sew.

We've also had a new family start attending our church, and Sunday School class. The wife is four months pregnant with her fourth baby. They have been looking for a church since moving to our area over six months ago. She even used the same midwife as us for her first baby, but all the others have been high risk due to health issues so she's not been able to homebirth since. This current pregnancy is also high risk, and already at four months she is supposed to be on bed rest, not easy when you have three boys of 8, 6 and 2 to look after all day. If anyone has any ideas how she can get more rest during the day please let me know. She has already been a real blessing to me and I look forward to getting to know her better over the coming months.

Already I realise how special this first pregnancy is. I have the opportunity to rest when I need to, even sleep in the daytime if I require it. I don't have to drag myself out of bed after a sleepless night to go to work, or to care for other children. I can enjoy this pregnancy in a way I won't with any others. I can read, sew, relax, write and take an easy pace to life while I am tired. Once this precious baby arrives it won't just be me anymore. Future pregnancies will not be so indulged as this one when there are other children to care for.

I am thankful that I am blessed as I am. I get to stay at home every day. I get to set my own pace to my life right now. I am host to the most amazing miracle on earth, as this new person grows inside my body. I have too many friends who cannot have have any children, yet they all rejoice with us in our joyful news. I am so blessed, and so thankful to be in this position. God truly has been good to me.

Where has my waist gone?

Today I am officially fully eight weeks pregnant. It still mostly feels unreal. I have to remind my self that we really are having a baby. While my mind may be taking a while to catch on to this pregnancy, my body is not. I've already gained eight inches on my waist, so none of my skirts fit anymore. I think that's a difficult one for me to accept so soon. I've always have an hour glass shape with a very small waist, and now it has gone. I knew it would happen, I just never expected it to happen so fast. I am trying to make do with my normal clothes for as long as possible, just leaving the last couple of buttons undone. However at the rate I am currently going I think it may only be a few more weeks before my normal clothes are put away for a year.

I have been very fortunate to not suffer from "morning sickness" and I am very grateful for that. My mum didn't have it with any of us, so that's a good sign. I have however had ever increasing nausea. Just this week it has become a constant companion, making it very difficult for me to eat everything I should be eating. The only foods that are even a little appetising are oranges and cheese. It's not easy keeping an iron rich diet when I have to force myself to eat.

Rob is being a wonderful support. He keeps telling me how beautiful I am to him whenever I feel down about losing my waist. He has also become quite protective, always asking if I've had enough rest, and how I am feeling. He is also keeping me supplied with fresh fruit, bringing some home with him after work if he thinks we're getting too low on supplies.

I have been surprised by the amount of questions we have had since going public last weekend. We were even asked this week if we've picked names yet. The most common question though is when are we going to find out if the baby is a boy or girl. Everyone seems surprised that we plan on waiting until the baby is born. I even want to avoid the ultrasound/sonogram unless our midwife feels it is medically necessary. The less tests and screens we have the better. The Lord knows what he is doing in knitting this person together in the secret of my womb, and I'd rather not interfere with that process. My mum never had an ultrasound with any of us and we were all born completely healthy. Both my brother and sister were complicated births, but I was very straight-forward and the shortest of all my mum's labours too. Part of our decision to homebirth is to limit the amount of interference that doctors here in the USA feel is necessary to justify the huge cost they charge. I am glad that Rob and I discussed all our options before we ever got pregnant, as I am sure it would be much easier for us to be swept along in the system if we had waited until I was already pregnant and being to get emotional.

The other thing I have noticed already, and didn't expect so soon, is "pregnancy brain." I have to really concentrate at times just to get simple tasks completed. I've always been very efficient and easily able to multitask, I am an administrator by nature. Now I have moments were even simple thought processes are beyond me, or I start something then forget what I'm doing. It is frustrating, but sometimes also quite funny, especially when Rob finds me in a lather over something trivial.

Mostly though I am simply in awe of the fact that I have another person growing inside of me right now. It makes me so thankful to be a woman. Even with all the changes happening to my body (and mind)I get to be a part of the most amazing miracle on earth. God is so good in designing us this way, and letting us share in the creation of new life.

Family News

Today my wonderful husband and I decided it was time to go public with our family news. We are expecting a new arrival to our family in January 2010. This is our first baby, and we are planning to have a home birth. We originally planned to keep this news to ourselves until we were past the 12 week mark, but I have already gained over 6 inches on my waist, all at the front, so my clothes are beginning to feel too tight. We decided it was probably better to tell people before they began guessing when I start having to wear maternity style clothing.

We have been blessed with finding a really good experienced home birthing midwife, who only lives a 5 minute drive from us. Our parents and families are excited. This will be the third grand-baby for my parents, and the first grand-baby for Rob's parents.

Anaemia

I found out yesterday a reason for my extreme tiredness over the last few weeks. I am anaemic. I've had an issue with this for several years. However for the first time in my life I have been put on iron. I had some routine blood tests done on Monday, and the results came back that everything was fine except that I am anaemic. My blood count was 11.5, but I was told it should be over 13. I've had a blood count averaging 11.3 several times over the years, but in the UK it was counted as borderline and not treated. So today begins the liquid iron every morning and evening until the next set of blood tests in about four months time. Hopefully I'll start finding my energy levels rising again as well.

How far is too far?

It's been a few weeks since I last blogged. It's been a busy few weeks and I've been experiencing the worst tiredness I've ever had in m life. Just keeping up with the housework has been a challenge the last few weeks. But enough about me.

For the last several months I've been providing sole supporter of a friend who like me has moved over to America through marriage. This is not my friends first marriage, nor the first for her husband. The both have teenage boys to add to the mix. She has certainly had a more difficult time adjusting to life here stateside. Our circumstances are very different. It is a first and only marriage for both Rob and I. It is a third marriage for both my friend and her husband. Rob and I do not have any children yet. Both my friend and her husband have a grown-up daughter and a teenage son. But this is not the reason for problems. Many families find themselves in my friends position and still make it work, eventually very happily.

My friend seemed to be doomed from the start. Her step-son is 15 and seems to be just one step away from jail. He stays out all night with older boys, comes home with money he has no way to account for, is failing at school, shows only contempt for my friend and her son. I truly feel for the child. He is a product of his upbringing. All his life he has been used as a pawn between his parents, and has a stable home with neither of them. My friend tried to provide that stability for him, treating him the same way she does her own 13 year old son. This just produced more contempt and greater rebellion. Eventually to protect her own son she had to draw a line and refuse to take on the responsibility that belonged to the child's own parents. I should say at this point my friends husband works out of town and so only gets home at the weekends.

It seemed after months of turmoil life would finally begin to settle down. That was a mistake. Even with the step-son out of the house and back living with his mother life seems to keep getting worse. It would now appear that my friend's husband got her to marry him under false pretenses. He wanted a babysitter for his son. After trying for months and failing that hasn't worked. So now she is getting to see a side of her husband that would make anyone want to flee. He has been caught hiding a drug habit from her, and admitted to not telling her the whole truth about his life before they got married. In the last two months he has become verbally abusive to her son, becoming increasingly aggressive each time he gets home for the weekend. He is having violent mood swings and even being hostile to her.

I feel torn. I want to say divorce is not an option. Keep working on it until it gets better. Yet I also know that life is not always that simple. I truly fear that my friend and her son are just one mood swing away from being severely beaten. I have other friends who have survived the horrors of abusive relationships, and still can't believe how long it can go on before they even try to escape. I want to be a good friend. I praise the Lord that both my friend and her son have come to know the Lord since moving over here to America. Yet I fear for her safety and that of her 13 year old son. They gave up everything to move here and start over. Only seven months into it and it is becoming a nightmare.

How do I be the friend she needs me to be? How do I provide wise counsel? I know I'm the only friend she has over here. How far is too far when it comes to abuse in a marriage? When do we run away from the danger when all our emotions tell us to stay? I pray every day seeking the wisdom to help her through this, but I feel so out of my depth. When is it alright to encourage another to walk away from their wedding vows? Is it ever alright to encourage the separation of a married couple? I really want to know the answers to these question, but don't know if I ever will.