I've not been blogging recently. I did not intend to be away from the computer for so long. In the last month we've finished decorating/painting our home; had houseguests; attended family gatherings; and generally been very busy.
I've been here in the USA for a little over seven months. Most of that time has been very busy. I still marvel at how busy everyone is around me. We were however blessed last Saturday with a day to ourselves. Rob came home early on Friday (Good Friday) and we got to spend the afternoon "playing" (having fun rather than doing chores.) Then on Saturday we skipped the Church Easter Egg Hunt and had the day together by ourselves. It was so nice to be able to feel like the newly-weds everyone forgets we still are. It was a lovely day, nice and hot and sunny. So we went to the beach for a short time during the morning. We can't stay outside too long as I have very pale, "baby-like" skin that burns easily. Later in the afternoon we went back outside again while my husband attempted to give me a swimming lesson. (I need to learn to swim before he can take me out on the boat to fish.) Mostly we just enjoyed spending the day together with no set demands for our time. Days like that don't happen very often, so we try to enjoy them when we get them.
It was also a great day for just talking about everything and nothing. I've had some things on my mind recently that were due to be shared with Rob. He is always so encouraging, and helps me to see how God is growing me. I'm certainly being stretched right now. When we got married we agreed to be open to any/all the children God has for us. It is easy to assume this will mean lots of children. That may not be what is in store for us. The first year of our marriage was spent mostly 5000 miles apart, as we waited for my immigrant visa. Rob came to Scotland several times to visit me, as I couldn't visit him. In many ways it was a blessing not to become pregnant during that time. It would have made the separation even more difficult to deal with. Now that I've been here for over seven months not getting pregnant is beginning to become discouraging.
Each month I battle against being discouraged, but to be honest it gets more difficult as the months pass. While I know in m head that everything is in God's timing, my heart just hears that biological clock tick away. I find myself relating more closely to Hannah in 1 Samuel, as she cried out the the LORD for a son. As I continue to age the possibility of conception becomes less and less. Through all this Rob is a steady rock. He reminds me that everything is in God's hands, including our family size. He reminds me that enduring through delay helps us to grow in patience and lean on the LORD for comfort.
I have no idea if we will ever be able to have children of our own, no matter how deeply I long for that. I know our home is meant to include children. I know that the LORD is in control of our future. I know that at some point in the future we will be parents. We are open to adopting. We are even open to adopting a whole ready made sibling group.
I know that I have to make peace with waiting. I waited fifteen years for the right husband. I waited for another year to be able to join him in our home. Really seven months should not seem like such a long time to be waiting to start increasing our family. The LORD really is in control. The LORD really does know what His perfect will for us as a family is. Trusting Him is a daily, even hourly process. It is up to me to keep my focus above where it belongs, and where discouragement cannot shake my faith.
The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.